An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

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ec2xs
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An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby ec2xs » Tue May 11, 2010 12:41 am

I've placed deposits down at two schools: Wash U and SMU. I'm confident I would receive a strong education at either, but I do feel that Wash U would be a more well-rounded experience (rankings aside). Of course, an old flame has decided it would be the perfect time to come back into my life and make my decision much more complicated. Suddenly, I'm indecisive and drawn towards Texas, which would keep me closer to the ex. I'm in my late 20s and I feel the relationship has merit, but emotions are really messing up my decision right now.

Is anybody here sacrificing a relationship to relocate for law school? Is anyone choosing a specific school to be near a boyfriend or girlfriend?

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rgucsb
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby rgucsb » Tue May 11, 2010 12:51 am

Unless your married or have children, don't let anyone, including an old bf influence your decision. Law school is going to be an entirely new, life changing experience (think undergrad, kind of), so don't ruin the experience

Forge the past, and look forward to better things

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ricking1288
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby ricking1288 » Tue May 11, 2010 12:54 am

rgucsb wrote:Unless your married or have children, don't let anyone, including an old bf influence your decision. Law school is going to be an entirely new, life changing experience (think undergrad, kind of), so don't ruin the experience

Forge the past, and look forward to better things


+1

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ConMan345
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby ConMan345 » Tue May 11, 2010 12:56 am

I'm doing a quasi-long-distance thing. More of a "Hey, we'll keep in touch, visit on occasion and see where things are after the three years." It's not the kind of arrangement I think most people would be comfortable with, but it makes the most sense to us. In short, it doesn't have to be either/or, breakup/sacrifice.

hellokitty
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby hellokitty » Tue May 11, 2010 1:00 am

I'll tell you the same thing that I tell everyone else: Follow Your Heart. <3

If you won't be significantly worse off closer to the old flame then I don't see how it could hurt too much. It might work out, you never know! I would go for it, honestly.

Tautology
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby Tautology » Tue May 11, 2010 1:05 am

Steel your heart, don't make sacrifices for people you've already broken up with once.

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trialjunky
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby trialjunky » Tue May 11, 2010 8:03 am

[strike]
hellokitty wrote:I'll tell you the same thing that I tell everyone else: Follow Your Heart. <3

If you won't be significantly worse off closer to the old flame then I don't see how it could hurt too much. It might work out, you never know! I would go for it, honestly.
[/strike]

FTFY, If WashU is what you going with beforehand and what you felt strongly about initially and the only difference is now this old flame has popped up than I would follow my first mind.

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rbgrocio
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby rbgrocio » Tue May 11, 2010 8:16 am

I only applied to two three law schools, two of which are in the city I live in to stay with my then-boyfriend. He proposed before I had to make a decision of where to go, and we are now happily married, and I'm not regretting it. It is just a matter of whether you are going to marry that person or not.

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holydonkey
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby holydonkey » Tue May 11, 2010 8:50 am

Ask her to move with you to St. Louis. If she agrees to come, you should break up because she's a commitment crazy ex that wants to hook her claws into you. If she doesn't agree to come, you should end it because long distance relationships never work.

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trialjunky
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby trialjunky » Tue May 11, 2010 8:51 am

rbgrocio wrote:I only applied to two three law schools, two of which are in the city I live in to stay with my then-boyfriend. He proposed before I had to make a decision of where to go, and we are now happily married, and I'm not regretting it. It is just a matter of whether you are going to marry that person or not.



Key word bolded...this is OP's ex-flame.

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pleasetryagain
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby pleasetryagain » Tue May 11, 2010 8:52 am

holydonkey wrote:Ask her to move with you to St. Louis. If she agrees to come, you should break up because she's a commitment crazy ex that wants to hook her claws into you. If she doesn't agree to come, you should end it because long distance relationships never work.


tcr

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Shot007
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby Shot007 » Tue May 11, 2010 8:54 am

holydonkey wrote:Ask her to move with you to St. Louis. If she agrees to come, you should break up because she's a commitment crazy ex that wants to hook her claws into you. If she doesn't agree to come, you should end it because long distance relationships never work.


Gotta say I love that...very funny, very funny indeed

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Duralex
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby Duralex » Tue May 11, 2010 8:55 am

You should definitely be giving careful consideration to why you broke up in the first place. You really don't want the potential there for it to turn bad again and foul up 1L with a bunch of time-consuming acrimony.

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KMaine
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby KMaine » Tue May 11, 2010 9:05 am

You are talking about WUSTL v. SMU? Why are we having this conversation?

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MC Southstar
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby MC Southstar » Tue May 11, 2010 9:13 am

Do the best thing for yourself because that you can control and predict. As long as you create the right opportunities for yourself, you won't have to worry about finding someone.


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BaiAilian2013
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Tue May 11, 2010 9:53 am

Only you can answer this. I made some objectively hasty/drastic decisions for my then-ex now-husband, but he wasn't a regular ex. Are there solid reasons why you would reconsider a relationship with this person specifically, in a way that you wouldn't with other exes? Can you put your finger on what went wrong and why it won't go wrong again? What would your close friends say if you got back together? How surprised would they be? What role do you play in this ex's mental landscape? etc. 'It might work out' is a bad reason to let this influence your decision, but it would also be inaccurate to say that no one should ever let any ex influence this type of decision. Relationships are too complex and varied for strangers to give you reliable advice.

I think your career goals have to factor in here too. I have no independent knowledge about SMU, but my impression from TLS is that it is very regional? So you might be making a seriously long-term decision.

Lucidity
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby Lucidity » Tue May 11, 2010 1:18 pm

SMU is very regional, but then again it dominates it's region and is the #2 school in Texas. If you don't mind working/living in Dallas, you would have to screw up pretty hard to not have a good shot at a great job in Dallas graduating from SMU.

As to the OP's original question, its a tough one and a very personal one. You're basically choosing between a great school and a good school. Up to you if this ex and your feelings for her are enough to bridge the gap.

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somewhatwayward
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby somewhatwayward » Tue May 11, 2010 2:31 pm

i actually decided to go to an UG college due to a relationship with another person who was attending there, and it turned out to be a disaster (the school, not the relationship). it wasn't the right fit, and i had turned down harvard, which was a better school and a better fit.

i applied to transfer and luckily harvard accepted me a second time, but transferring wasn't easy, and i would've been better off starting as a freshman there.

yeah, i was eighteen, which is different than late 20s, but it was really the school that was the problem, not the person

i guess i am biased, but i definitely think you should go to washu. you could work in dallas over the summer(s) if the relationship stays close.

actually, i had a similar decision to make with law school, and this time i chose the better fit (and the better school), and i am positive it was the right thing.

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jayn3
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby jayn3 » Tue May 11, 2010 2:36 pm

BaiAilian2013 wrote:Only you can answer this. I made some objectively hasty/drastic decisions for my then-ex now-husband, but he wasn't a regular ex. Are there solid reasons why you would reconsider a relationship with this person specifically, in a way that you wouldn't with other exes? Can you put your finger on what went wrong and why it won't go wrong again? What would your close friends say if you got back together? How surprised would they be? What role do you play in this ex's mental landscape? etc. 'It might work out' is a bad reason to let this influence your decision, but it would also be inaccurate to say that no one should ever let any ex influence this type of decision. Relationships are too complex and varied for strangers to give you reliable advice.

I think your career goals have to factor in here too. I have no independent knowledge about SMU, but my impression from TLS is that it is very regional? So you might be making a seriously long-term decision.


if you can't make up your mind, do a coin toss. if you don't like the result, then you know which one you really want to do.

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kittenmittons
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby kittenmittons » Tue May 11, 2010 2:39 pm

Image

hth

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shepdawg
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby shepdawg » Tue May 11, 2010 3:37 pm

jayn3 wrote:if you can't make up your mind, do a coin toss. if you don't like the result, then you know which one you really want to do.

I like this advice. Feelings guide us in the right direction.

Wall2Law
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby Wall2Law » Tue May 11, 2010 4:18 pm

Certainties in life: Death, taxes and a new batch of 23-year old women entering the world.

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oberlin08
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby oberlin08 » Tue May 11, 2010 4:20 pm

Im in a similiar position except for me its regional law school elsewhere, or chase my old flame, which im pretty sure i could make into a long long long term thing, but not positive.

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ec2xs
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Re: An Old Romance Is Influencing My Decision...Anybody Else?

Postby ec2xs » Tue May 11, 2010 5:56 pm

Thanks for the responses. I'm not necessarily looking for advice (ultimately I'll be very confident in my decision, which isn't as in flux as my original post may have suggested). I was just wondering if anybody else was in a similar situation of leaving someone for law school or if anybody had similar stories to tell.

For those that wanted to know more about my personal situation: yes, we've talked about marriage. No, she wouldn't move (residency program). If I attended SMU, it would be for reasons mostly outside of my dynamic with her.




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