Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

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dms87
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Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby dms87 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:11 am

I'm negotiating scholarships now. I'll give the rundown of my offers now for context, but those more interested in the "moral(?)" aspect can skip the following list:
UF - 10k (tuition is only 14k because I'm in-state)
UMiami - full
Yeshiva - full
BU - 60k (half)
Fordham - 60k (half)
Duke - 54k (~40%)

My fiancee has been accepted to a dental school near UMiami (Nova); UF Dental; NYU Dental; UNC Dental (near Duke); and Harvard Dental. Most important to us is maximizing my leverage at Duke, since that's my top choice at this point, and she loves UNC dental. I'm planning to negotiate with Fordham and BU first (I'm above both 75ths @ Fordham, while I'm above both medians @ BU and way above LSAT 75th). I was planning to mention, in my negotiations, that my fiancee (we'll be married before school starts) will be in dental school, so we will have a tremendous debt burden and no income between the two of us.

The key question is: can I mention her specific schools? I.e. while appealing to Fordham can I say that, in addition to competing offers, my fiancee was accepted to Harvard, but she is willing to opt for school in New York if it makes [financial] sense for the both of us? Can I do the same when it comes to Duke? Obviously the idea would be to show that we come as a unit, and we have legitimate options outside of NYC and NC; is this a legit way to accomplish this, AKA leverage?

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kittenmittons
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby kittenmittons » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:15 am

I think it's fine to lay out your personal situation for the FA office. Don't expect much though.

To be fair, TCR is to forget law school and strive for house husband bro.

hth

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BaiAilian2013
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:23 am

Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see which part of this would be unethical. When I read the thread title, I thought you were going to sell her into slavery or something.

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Sauer Grapes
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby Sauer Grapes » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:26 am

...
Last edited by Sauer Grapes on Sun Aug 22, 2010 11:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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kittenmittons
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby kittenmittons » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:28 am

BaiAilian2013 wrote:Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see which part of this would be unethical. When I read the thread title, I thought you were going to sell her into slavery or something.

This. I thought it would be about missionary work

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holydonkey
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby holydonkey » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:31 am

dms87 wrote:I'm negotiating scholarships now. I'll give the rundown of my offers now for context, but those more interested in the "moral(?)" aspect can skip the following list:
UF - 10k (tuition is only 14k because I'm in-state)
UMiami - full
Yeshiva - full
BU - 60k (half)
Fordham - 60k (half)
Duke - 54k (~40%)

My fiancee has been accepted to a dental school near UMiami (Nova); UF Dental; NYU Dental; UNC Dental (near Duke); and Harvard Dental. Most important to us is maximizing my leverage at Duke, since that's my top choice at this point, and she loves UNC dental. I'm planning to negotiate with Fordham and BU first (I'm above both 75ths @ Fordham, while I'm above both medians @ BU and way above LSAT 75th). I was planning to mention, in my negotiations, that my fiancee (we'll be married before school starts) will be in dental school, so we will have a tremendous debt burden and no income between the two of us.

The key question is: can I mention her specific schools? I.e. while appealing to Fordham can I say that, in addition to competing offers, my fiancee was accepted to Harvard, but she is willing to opt for school in New York if it makes [financial] sense for the both of us? Can I do the same when it comes to Duke? Obviously the idea would be to show that we come as a unit, and we have legitimate options outside of NYC and NC; is this a legit way to accomplish this, AKA leverage?


This seems fine, but I really doubt it would work. Why should Fordham care? Give me more than BU because my fiancee got into Harvard? Weird weird argument. For all they know, you guys could call the wedding off between now and August. You're not asking anyone to match anyone else's offer, you're asking them to offer you more than another school with a comparable offer.

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NDPhil
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby NDPhil » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:33 am

I would not negotiate scholarship money unless you really plan on attending should they raise your award. It is very unprofessional and will reflect poorly on you if you were to approach a school, request more money, be given more money, and then decline the offer. Negotiate at your top choice first (in this case, it looks like Duke).

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TheBigMediocre
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby TheBigMediocre » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:35 am

Mention it to make you seem more human and not just another request, but don't expect much out of it.

Unless the financial aid officer is a female. Chicks get totally wet for weddings.

dms87
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby dms87 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:00 am

NDPhil wrote:I would not negotiate scholarship money unless you really plan on attending should they raise your award. It is very unprofessional and will reflect poorly on you if you were to approach a school, request more money, be given more money, and then decline the offer. Negotiate at your top choice first (in this case, it looks like Duke).


AFAIK, this is inaccurate.

I mean, I know my best leverage is likely to be the scholarship from Duke.

dms87
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby dms87 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:03 am

Sauer Grapes wrote:
kittenmittons wrote:I think it's fine to lay out your personal situation for the FA office. Don't expect much though.

To be fair, TCR is to forget law school and strive for house husband bro.

hth

+10. Every man's dream, so long as they have no pride.


ty, thvm

I'd probably lose her respect, but that seems like a reasonable trade-off. Plus, I could start a blog judging Hannah Storm's outfits on the various Sportscenter iterations each day.

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TheBigMediocre
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby TheBigMediocre » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:05 am

dms87 wrote:
NDPhil wrote:I would not negotiate scholarship money unless you really plan on attending should they raise your award. It is very unprofessional and will reflect poorly on you if you were to approach a school, request more money, be given more money, and then decline the offer. Negotiate at your top choice first (in this case, it looks like Duke).


AFAIK, this is inaccurate.

I mean, I know my best leverage is likely to be the scholarship from Duke.


NDPhil is indeed incorrect. If School X offers you more money, it's on their accord and probably means that they lowballed you to begin with. Not taking the new offer isn't going to personally slight anyone at School X and it clears up that scholarship money for someone else.

Rawlsian
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby Rawlsian » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:15 am

BaiAilian2013 wrote:Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see which part of this would be unethical. When I read the thread title, I thought you were going to sell her into slavery or something.


+1 Hah, I thought the same thing.

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chango
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby chango » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:18 am

BaiAilian2013 wrote:Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see which part of this would be unethical. When I read the thread title, I thought you were going to sell her into slavery or something.


Let's just pretend that's what he asked to make this thread more interesting.

dms87
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby dms87 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:23 am

chango wrote:
BaiAilian2013 wrote:Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see which part of this would be unethical. When I read the thread title, I thought you were going to sell her into slavery or something.


Let's just pretend that's what he asked to make this thread more interesting.


Hey, I got you to read it, didn't I? :twisted: :mrgreen: :oops:

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chango
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby chango » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:33 am

dms87 wrote:
chango wrote:
BaiAilian2013 wrote:Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see which part of this would be unethical. When I read the thread title, I thought you were going to sell her into slavery or something.


Let's just pretend that's what he asked to make this thread more interesting.


Hey, I got you to read it, didn't I? :twisted: :mrgreen: :oops:



On the other hand, I suppose it presents us with the opportunity to design our own lawyer joke:

"What's the difference between a lawyer and dentist."


Insert your own punchline.

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jks289
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby jks289 » Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:34 am

I think it is fine to tell them, but i don't think fiancees count for much in terms of leverage. Children, spouses with established careers, etc might be a bigger bump. It certainly can't hurt for you to be honest about your personal circumstances.

wired
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Re: Can I use my fiancee as leverage?

Postby wired » Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:10 pm

Five words, two sentences: She takes Harvard. Trophy husband.




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