Please critique my addendum

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bjf
Posts: 125
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:28 am

Please critique my addendum

Postby bjf » Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:28 pm

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Last edited by bjf on Thu Feb 04, 2010 10:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

shock259
Posts: 1737
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 2:30 am

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby shock259 » Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:38 pm

You haven't really said anything. Everyone has personal issues. You are going to have to be more forthcoming.

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Gamecubesupreme
Posts: 509
Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:54 pm

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby Gamecubesupreme » Wed Jan 20, 2010 2:28 am

shock259 wrote:You haven't really said anything. Everyone has personal issues. You are going to have to be more forthcoming.


That and you didn't even elaborate on what the issues are or whether you actually fulfilled your obligations.

bjf
Posts: 125
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:28 am

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby bjf » Wed Jan 20, 2010 10:15 am

Thank you very much for your replies. I changed it a bit. Is this any better?

"During the Fall Semester of 2004, I had many realizations about my past. I was always one to move forward and not look back on the emotional times of my life, but staying in the present during that time was difficult for me. I moved back to New York and went to counseling to face feelings I had regarding my parents divorce and my Father’s passing. Although I should have withdrawn from the entire semester, I remained enrolled in two classes. I received a “Satisfactory” in one class and a poor grade in the other class, which placed me on academic probation. I stayed in New York the following semester and continued with counseling until I felt I was ready to return to school. I returned to XXX in Fall 2005 with a new major and a fresh start. I continued with my studies until graduation without further interruption and performed closer to my academic potential."

ConsideringLawSchool
Posts: 313
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:18 pm

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby ConsideringLawSchool » Wed Jan 20, 2010 10:49 am

bjf wrote:Thank you very much for your replies. I changed it a bit. Is this any better?

"During the Fall Semester of 2004, I had many realizations about my past. I was always one to move forward and not look back on the emotional times of my life, but staying in the present during that time was difficult for me. I moved back to New York and went to counseling to face feelings I had regarding my parents divorce and my Father’s passing. Although I should have withdrawn from the entire semester, I remained enrolled in two classes. I received a “Satisfactory” in one class and a poor grade in the other class, which placed me on academic probation. I stayed in New York the following semester and continued with counseling until I felt I was ready to return to school. I returned to XXX in Fall 2005 with a new major and a fresh start. I continued with my studies until graduation without further interruption and performed closer to my academic potential."


I'm not a fan of the sentence "I was always one to move forward..." Instead, I would say something like "Following the divorce of my parents and my father's subsequent passing, I attempted to continue my college experience uninterrupted. during the fall semester of 2004, these events left me feeling overwhelmed and struggling in school." Then continue with the part about the classes and the counseling. I think that your final sentence can be stronger.

MTC87
Posts: 98
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:07 pm

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby MTC87 » Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:19 pm

bjf wrote:Thank you very much for your replies. I changed it a bit. Is this any better?

"During the Fall Semester of 2004, I had many realizations about my past. I was always one to move forward and not look back on the emotional times of my life, but staying in the present during that time was difficult for me. I moved back to New York and went to counseling to face feelings I had regarding my parents divorce and my Father’s passing. Although I should have withdrawn from the entire semester, I remained enrolled in two classes. I received a “Satisfactory” in one class and a poor grade in the other class, which placed me on academic probation. I stayed in New York the following semester and continued with counseling until I felt I was ready to return to school. I returned to XXX in Fall 2005 with a new major and a fresh start. I continued with my studies until graduation without further interruption and performed closer to my academic potential."


i would dispense with the introductory bit and move as directly as possible to describing the personal circumstances that affected your academic performance.

belated condolences for your loss

bjf
Posts: 125
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:28 am

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby bjf » Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:38 pm

Thank you MTC87.

I'm hesitant to make this sound like it happened right before or during the Fall semester, because it didn't. These were things that happened in my past that I always pushed out of my mind. Except one day I couldn't do it anymore and essentially had a breakdown.

Would it be better to start off like this?

"The Fall Semester of 2004 was a difficult time for me. I moved back to New York and went to counseling to face feelings I had regarding my parents divorce and my Father’s passing."

bjf
Posts: 125
Joined: Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:28 am

Re: Please critique my addendum

Postby bjf » Wed Jan 20, 2010 10:57 pm

Anyone? Not trying to be annoying, just want to get this out.

Thanks to everyone who answered so far.




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