RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

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WTR123
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:49 pm

RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

Postby WTR123 » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:06 pm

Growing up, I did not know my father. His history and lineage were never discussed within my own home, and my ethnic history was only my maternal one: Scotch-Irish, all-American with roots in the South dating back to the mid-1700s. While I was (and always will be) proud of the cultural heritage that I was raised in, I was lucky enough to discover the other half of my blood history when, at 17, I met my father.
While I was initially shocked to be told that I was (seemingly suddenly) half Ashkenazi Jew, I rather quickly came to embrace my newfound background. I realized that I was equally as proud of it as I was the culture in which I was brought up. Though it is still a thing a bit strange to me, I continue to learn about my father’s customs—for they indeed are my own; inextricably linked with me and the man I am.
Most importantly, however, is that through this experience I have become aware of the nature of what is defined as “diversity.” It is in no way something outwardly expressed in skin, or speech, or socioeconomic standing. It is not something latent in your veins for nearly two decades. Instead, it is (as I learned) something discovered; it is found within experience and a willingness to understand and accept the personal differences that in turn uniquely distills an individual. While I bring a certain form of diversity to Duke University, it is not one I would care to be solely remembered for. Rather, I bring the ability to actively seek out what diversifies the student body, and to appreciate the unique diversity of my classmates within the context of their own personal narratives.

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PowerPro64
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon May 18, 2009 7:57 am

Re: RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

Postby PowerPro64 » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:10 pm

I like it. My mother always told me that we are Scots-Irish, not Scotch-Irish. I'm not sure if that's true or not, but I've always followed her lead and written it Scots-Irish. Other than that, I think it does the trick.

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WhiskeyGuy
Posts: 376
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:34 pm

Re: RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

Postby WhiskeyGuy » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:16 pm

I think your essay would be served well by explaining how you eagerly embraced your newfound background.

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TTH
Posts: 10380
Joined: Mon May 04, 2009 1:14 am

Re: RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

Postby TTH » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:24 pm

WhiskeyGuy wrote:I think your essay would be served well by explaining how you eagerly embraced your newfound background.


and not ending sentences in prepositions.

BearDownChicago
Posts: 63
Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:11 am

Re: RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

Postby BearDownChicago » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:25 pm

WTR123 wrote: While I bring a certain form of diversity to Duke University, it is not one I would care to be solely remembered for.


1) Try not to end a sentence with a preposition

2) wordy

"While I provide diversity to Duke University, it is not how I wish to be identified."

WTR123
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:49 pm

Re: RATE MY DIVERSITY STATEMENT

Postby WTR123 » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:44 pm

You're all correct. Will edit.




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