Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

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ykim5
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Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby ykim5 » Wed Dec 02, 2009 8:54 pm

Over the weekend, my parents-in-law came to celebrate my son’s second birthday. They wanted to visit the school, but because of the football crowd, they asked me to take them to two places that were representative of Notre Dame. I did not have to think; I immediately took them to the two places I go everyday. The first was Grotto and the second was La Fortune, where there is a picture of father Hesburgh holding hands with Martin Luther King Jr. I believe that if there are two things that represent Notre Dame, they are faith and standing up for what is right even if many don’t agree. Those are also two values that I have always held to be the most important. Growing up, faith was the only thing that kept me from not giving up on my dreams and I always stood up for what I believed was right. No matter how difficult the consequences were, if I believed it was right, I never backed down. Even before coming to Notre Dame, I was always a fighter for what I trusted was right.

I suppose that my decision to attend law school came from my desire to know what is right and what is wrong. As a child, I thought the law was the ultimate decider of justice. However, looking back as a twenty-two-year old, I realize it is not really the law that decides but the people who practice the law. There are clean-cut black and white cases but there are some cases that are not. Those gray areas are left for the people to interpret and the interpretations depend on the values that really matter to them. I know that as a lawyer, someday I would be in a courtroom where I will have to stand up in front of many and convince people of what I believe is the right interpretation. So for me to be able to have the heart to stand up for the truly meaningful values, I need to be educated by those who can lead me in the right direction. I know that wherever I go, I will become successful at what I do; but I know that only at Notre Dame will I learn how to do it right.

I believe that Notre Dame Law can align me with those values because the university itself emphasizes ethics in every dimension. In business school, our program is not only ranked second nationally, but is also highly admired for its emphasis on ethics. In the classroom, professors have repeatedly prioritized morals and ethics. I trust that Notre Dame Law would offer me the same ethical and moral standards that my undergraduate experience in the business school has provided. However, it is not only in the classroom that I have learned; people who surround the students also demonstrate the compassion which is the foundation for our understanding the need for justice. I have met many people at Notre Dame who have shown me compassion and given me great life advice that I still hold to this day. Being surrounded by such people has led me to believe that I also want to be a part of their community. I want Notre Dame to be who I am, how I live and what I aspire to be.

As a mother, I realize that choosing to attend law school is not only an individual choice but also a family decision. During my application process, I had to think carefully and consider my family, so that they would not be negatively affected by my decision. Even though my husband and my son would gladly do whatever is best for me, I also have to think what is best for them (such as my husband getting great job offer locally and my son making a best friend for the first time). More and more I realize that Notre Dame is not only my first choice, but also their first choice

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saltoftheearth
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby saltoftheearth » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:11 am

I like it

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daesonesb
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby daesonesb » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:19 am

Two quick things:

I know that as a lawyer, someday I would be in a courtroom


The would here is the wrong tense. It should be: I know that, as a lawyer, I will someday be in a courtroom...

and

In business school, our program is not only ranked second nationally, but is also highly admired for its emphasis on ethics.


This is awkward sounding and should read more like "Our business program is not only..."


In all, I really liked it. However,
I would try and vary up the subject matter a bit. You talk about right and wrong and justice, perhaps give examples of times you or someone you've known has experienced injustice. Another possibility would be to give an example of a time where you've helped justice prevail. How did it make you feel? Im guessing you felt good... and that is part of the reason you want to practice law, right? To help people and to further the cause of justice in our society.
I think the only thing your essay really lacks subject wise is a good personal example for one of the body paragraphs. The intro had such a good one that I was expecting more of them.

Besides the subject matter, there are a few more sentences in your essay that aren't technically wrong, but are still quite awkward to read.

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superserial
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby superserial » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:35 am

ykim5 wrote:I know that as a lawyer, someday I would be in a courtroom where I will have to stand up in front of many and convince people of what I believe is the right interpretation...


as a lawyer you probably won't set foot in a courtroom.

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Dany
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby Dany » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:41 am

In the second line, "everyday" should be "every day." Everyday is an adjective meaning commonplace, and every day means "each day."

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daesonesb
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby daesonesb » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:41 am

superserial wrote:
ykim5 wrote:I know that as a lawyer, someday I would be in a courtroom where I will have to stand up in front of many and convince people of what I believe is the right interpretation...


as a lawyer you probably won't set foot in a courtroom.



Maybe she wants to be a trial lawyer for illegal immigrants? It all depends.

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Dany
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby Dany » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:45 am

Also, you need to be careful with sentence structure. When you join two sentences with [and, but, or] you need to put a comma also if BOTH sentences have a subject. You're missing some commas in several sentences.

These may seem like nitpicky things, but lawyers write. A lot. So the adcomms will be looking closely at how you write.

As far as content goes, I love it. It's very honest and genuine, and it's not full of fluff/bullshit.

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superserial
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby superserial » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:49 am

daesonesb wrote:
superserial wrote:
ykim5 wrote:I know that as a lawyer, someday I would be in a courtroom where I will have to stand up in front of many and convince people of what I believe is the right interpretation...


as a lawyer you probably won't set foot in a courtroom.



Maybe she wants to be a trial lawyer for illegal immigrants? It all depends.


okay, then explicitly state that instead of sounding naive.

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iamtaw
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby iamtaw » Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:25 pm

superserial wrote:
daesonesb wrote:
superserial wrote:
ykim5 wrote:I know that as a lawyer, someday I would be in a courtroom where I will have to stand up in front of many and convince people of what I believe is the right interpretation...


as a lawyer you probably won't set foot in a courtroom.



Maybe she wants to be a trial lawyer for illegal immigrants? It all depends.


okay, then explicitly state that instead of sounding naive.


and maybe also use the term attorney instead of lawyer in that case.

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scribelaw
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Re: Why Notre Dame Essay (please tell me what you think)

Postby scribelaw » Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:28 pm

All the nits aside, I think this is very good.

It comes across as very convincing and heartfelt.




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