Personal Statement- why I want to be a lawyer

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Re: Personal Statement- why I want to be a lawyer

Postby eatmykant » Wed Dec 02, 2009 11:40 am

Last edited by eatmykant on Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Personal Statement- why I want to be a lawyer

Postby blue16 » Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:07 pm

This personal statement is not very good. Maybe a 2.5/10.

The entire thing is fluff, if you boil it down concisely, this is what it says:
- I was on a debate team in high school. I liked it but held no leadership position worth noting.
- I took political science classes in college.
- My college career was lacking in extracurriculars so I have to write about high school.

Sorry, just trying to help you out because this PS won't do it. Unless you 180 the LSAT then it's fine.

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Re: Personal Statement- why I want to be a lawyer

Postby writetrack » Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:25 am

Hi crackinthekraken,

I looked over your Personal Statement and it seems that you have some very good material to work with that can portray you as a diverse and unique candidate. However, the essay as it stands is very dry and robotic. It explicitly addresses why you want to be a lawyer when this topic should be implicit in the unique story that you need to convey about yourself. The introduction needs to start with an action or quote, something that will resonate with the admissions committee. The rest of the statement should discuss your background, hardships, how all that plays a role in advocacy and finally conclude with the same train of thought as the introduction. Remember the Personal Statement has to be unique, memorable, and creative, otherwise it will be forgotten immediately by the admissions committees.



crackinthekraken wrote:It reads below. Any feedback is appreciated. I think it's a bit dry and straightforward, but it covers the angle pretty well.

[begin personal statement]
My name is [the baddest assed law student there ever was] and I am a senior at the [University of Don't Fuck With Me], majoring in Economics and in East Asian Studies. I am writing to express my interest in your law program, and in pursuing a legal career.

Legal practice is a natural fit for my talents. This was first brought to my attention during high school, as I was heavily involved in debate organizations and Junior Statesmen of America. Although there are major differences between legal practice and parliamentary debate, the success I enjoyed in these early organizations reflected my competence in adversarial debate and my aptitude in the political realm. The logical training I received doing battle with other students over a broad range of issues honed my mind and my language into a weapon that I could use to both construct and attack an argument for maximum effect. I have expanded on these skills over the course of my undergraduate career by pursuing additional courses in both domestic and international politics, where I have dissected such issues as the balance of power in multiethnic societies and the interaction of modern states towards one another in their quests for security, prosperity, and hegemony.

Furthermore, an understanding of the law is a major asset. In order to play a game, one must first know the rules. We live our entire lives under a series of laws, and it is too easy for someone with only a rudimentary understanding of these laws to fall prey to someone wishing him harm. The law is such a complex thing, and it relates to our behavior in a complex way involving competing interests, objectives, and individuals. Most importantly, the law can be bent or adjusted depending on who it is being applied to and in what way. I have seen firsthand the power of a good lawyer or a well placed judge, as minor transgressions can be expanded into major obstacles or done away with completely, all within the flexibility of the legal framework. How can any endeavor succeed in such an environment without a thorough understanding of the laws that govern and regulate us?

Thank you for your time and consideration.

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