Argh, draft #? anyone, just thoughts on the entire thing?


It was 4 a.m. that spring morning in ****, I will never forget it. It was the morning that enough was enough. I was not going to be ashamed anymore. I had received the final punch, and left. Even though I was not quite ready to leave something I had been tricked into loving, I was ready to learn how strong of a woman I truly am.
As a kid I always loved school. I was consistently lost in books, and holding on to every word my teachers had to say. My parents were always there to support me and were very proud of my academic accomplishments. Then, during my freshman year in college, I was involved in a relationship that was both emotionally and physically abusive. I was enduring harm to my body in addition to being brainwashed into believing that I was completely worthless without him. This did have negative effects on my personal relationships as well as my academics; it caused me to doubt my competence as a young woman, and wonder if I would ever have a successful future. I began to lose friends as well as motivation to excel in my studies. Anxiety attacks appeared to be closing all of my doors. However, there came the day when I realized what he was doing to me, and what I was doing to myself. Enough was enough. I left, sent the ring back in the mail, and gave myself some time to mourn what I thought I had lost. I was lucky enough to be able to leave the situation before any permanent damage was inflicted upon me.
I had become ashamed of what had happened to me, feeling that I had deserved every blow to my body and mind. This could not have been further from the truth. Living in the past was not going to help me at all. In order to move on, I finally had to realize plain and simple, that he was wrong for treating me the way he did. No woman deserves that, so why did I? I had to prove this to myself. It now became my mission to show the world that I was not a victim of abuse; rather that it made me a stronger person. I was going to make something out of myself, rather than continuing to live in monotony and despair. Though my studies, I found what I loved, and what would help me to become that stronger woman. I wanted to grow out of my past, and not simply try to repress and forget it.
I was naturally drawn to Philosophy. I felt as though the boundaries of my mind were being expanded through every passage that I read. I was questioning the givens, and exploring the roots of knowledge. The far more practical study of Political Science had me hooked, especially when I would read through the Supreme Court cases. The countless hours of reading and writing that came along with these fields were a much needed breath of fresh air. I was so happy to spend my time studying, that the fear and low esteem that had once taken over me began to melt away. I also worked nearly full time throughout my three and a half years of college, so I had to plenty to keep me busy.
If it had not been for the unexpected personal trial, I do not know if I would have regained the love for school that I had once possessed as a child. I learned that what I wanted was to seize every opportunity that was handed to me, and avoid falling into a dangerous rut. I succeeded in college, and have become the strong Latina woman I am today. I realize that law school may well be one of the most difficult challenges that I will ever have to face, but I am prepared for it. I have overcome an event that will be a part of who I am for the entirety of my life, but now I understand that I can face obstacles in a positive light.
My natural talents have always lain in the world of academics, and I have always excelled in the pressure cooker. I have made it through a couple of rough patches, only to realize how much stronger I come out on the other end. As a result, I retain a consistently focused mindset which has led me to succeed in my goals and will continue to be a driving force in my life.

hey horriblegb,

just scanned this briefly. I don't think there is anything wrong with your subject choice; I commend you for it, as I think it shows major courage, and everything you say relating to self-worth is very true! however, I do think it could use some editing. while the content of what you are saying is obviously great, much of it feels somewhat disorganized, with similar ideas popping up and being repeated in several places. (mostly first and second paragraphs) the 1st paragraph is also highly descriptive, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but even with the brave action you took for yourself in reading this it sounds somewhat passive. I think you could talk more about leaving, returning to school etc. and focus on these actions more, as you do in the 2nd paragraph which I think is stronger.

one other thing - while poli sci may indeed seem/sound more practical to you, what if some type of legal philosophy prof is reading your PS? just a thought.

anyways, those are just some initial thoughts for you as I saw you had no response yet! take them for what you will, and as always the final decisions are up to you. if you'd like some more in-depth thoughts on it or have any questions, please feel free to pm me!

Thank you so much, I realize I do need a lot of editing, I have just become so wrapped around the thought of whether or not the basis was good enough, it has been difficult to pin it down through editing!

I think this is a great start. I love how you turned a very bad situation into an impetus to succeed. I am glad you highlighted this.

I would say that maybe you might want to spend a bit more space on emphasizing the positives and give the statement a clear procession. After you discuss the horrible situation you were in, then how you used it to improve and better your life, and then the lessons you learned it might be better to not refer back so many times. That way the statement will have linear and concise progression. Also phrases such as "pressure cooker" are colloquialisms and can turn off some readers, especially in a formal setting. They are not always bad, but they do carry a risk that more proper phrases might not have.

this summed up what I was trying to get at much more eloquently!

Thank you! again! More concise is the way to go Thanks for the support on it as well!

I think mentioning that you are Latina in the context of this essay is a bit random since you didn't give your culture any role in the preceding paragraphs. Also "strong Latina woman" is like a Hollywood archetype and is kind of cliche.