Hey guys any help or advice you could give would be great. Be honest! I really need some help with this, I'm very nervous about his part.



What is the definition of a hero? When I was six years old I distinctly remember wanting to be Spider-Man and save the world from the Hobgoblin and in my mind at that time that’s what a hero was, someone with extraordinary power who helped people in a way that they could not imagine. Some people define heroes as cultural figures, perhaps a firefighter or a cowboy. However, my father taught me what a real hero was.
I would never go as far as to say that my father was a hero to anyone except myself. He was not a police officer, he did not save anyone’s life at any point, he was never a politician or a soldier, and he was never a cowboy, although sometimes I think he wanted to be. My father grew up in West Texas, in a home that would eventually become broken and abusive. He grew up in neglect until he was 18, then moved away. While my father could have used his upbringing as an excuse, he didn’t. Instead he decided that he was going to treat his kids better than he was treated. My father worked very hard and did well for himself despite having no college degree, and he raised his kids to have the ambition to do great things in life. When I was old enough, he told me the stories of his childhood. I would never look at the things that I had been blessed with in the same way ever again.
Because of what my father had to endure, I learned great lessons in life the easy way. Never take for granted what you have. I had been blessed with a great start in life. Always work hard for what you want. I knew when I was ready to go to college, I would have to try my hardest to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish, and to overcome any adversity that might come my way, because no matter how hard things were, or how impossible things might have seen at times, I would just think about my father and how if he could overcome what he endured I could overcome anything.
During my teenage years, I developed the courage to argue with my parents, however, I had a natural ability to keep cool, make solid points, and this frustrated them. “This is not a debate” was one of their favorite things to say to me. I channeled this energy in high school when I joined the Speech and Debate team, where our team won 3A state championships every year that I was there. At Texas A&M University, I got the opportunity to participate in a fantastic legal internship with the Law Office of Brian Gutierrez, P.C. Here I got the opportunity to work one-on-one with clients, insurance adjusters, write LOR’s, LOP’s, participate in pre-litigation, and even settle cases for my boss. There was one case with an older couple, the husband being a working class man, that had been in a horrible car accident. The insurance company tried to deny liability, so they came to Mr. Gutierrez’s office. When we settled the case, we had received a huge settlement, more than this older couple made in a year. I sat in the room as this couple cried because of their joy. While been an attorney was something that I already knew I wanted, this experience made me realize just how much my power to help an American family could mean to me one day.
One area of law that Mr. Gutierrez also participated in was court appointments in Child Protective Service cases. Here I saw the ugly world of women and men who would commit crimes, do drugs, and completely neglect their children. Here I saw another opportunity to make a difference in the world. Like my father, these kids just needed some help to get them in the right homes at pinnacle moments in their lives. My father never had this opportunity, and I honestly believe he was one of the lucky ones. I could be a hero to kids who had tragically never known one before.
I believe that being an attorney gives me the opportunity to be a hero, the kind of hero that my father believed I could be, and the type of hero that would make that six year old boy proud, even if it’s not the type that swings from building tops or defeats the evil villain. More importantly than that, it would mean that one day I would make a real difference in the lives of everyday people. I couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling life.

Come on guys, any input would help!

If you take the time to read a couple other statements posted on this forum you'll quickly notice that you'll be in good company when it comes to writing about your father/mother/grandfather/uncle/whatever. Lots of people do it and lots of times their personal statements fall flat. So does yours, unfortunately. See, you start this off with a cliché, talking about the definition of a hero. Then, you go on with a little anecdote about the times when you were small and liked Spiderman and the Hobgoblin. Who the hell is the Hobgoblin, by the way? So you continue with the bit about heroes as cultural figures. Who in their right mind would say that a cowboy is a hero? Who are these people you're talking about? But never mind, because in the next sentence you already reveal who the real hero in your life is - your father. Ho hum.

Can you imagine how this can become a bit stale when you read this for the xth time? Your father isn't the one applying to lawschool and the fact that he had a hard time and told you about it doesn't really allow for you to portray yourself in an interesting manner. Sure, you were influenced by your father. What child wouldn't be? And sure, you're telling me you won't take anything for granted. You'll work hard. You're blessed with things cause your Dad broke his back for you. Heard it all before, plenty of times.

It's really not original whatsoever. So unless you've got pretty awesome numbers which might gloss over your ps you want to rethink your approach.

Also, the last two paragraphs aren't really outstanding either. Good job on getting that settlement for the older couple. How about you tell me about a case which didn't go so well and what you learned from that?
While I'm here, what's up with this sentence here?



What would it mean to you to help a Mexican family? Or an Italian family? Or a Polish family? Korean? Chinese? Why the distinction?

Finally, get rid of any line where you see opportunities to make a difference in the world. It's starry-eyed silly talk. You won't make a difference in the world. Tell me how you'll be able to make a difference in your community and I might be inclined to believe you.

So let me just try and sum up what you're saying and reply with, your recommendation is start from scratch? If so I have to say I'm having quite a hard time with this, I'm trying to make myself sound unique or interesting but the truth is I'm a pretty normal guy who hasn't like some insane life experience or anything crazy, so how do I separate myself in a personal statement?

Also I agree with you on writing about my dad, it's not necessarily something I wanted to do, but I haven't had any better ideas.

[quote="Gefuehlsecht"] Who the hell is the Hobgoblin, by the way?quote]

lol...

Well, first of all, you need to understand that the ps is actually a quite important part of your lawschool application. LSAT and GPA are certainly even more important but when it comes down to you and the next guy on the pile who has similar numbers the acceptance letter is often mailed out to the person with the better ps. So yes, maybe you want to rewrite your ps and start from scratch since it's definitely not one of the strongest ones I've read lately.

Now, when it comes to what you write or how to present yourself in a unique manner ...you probably aren't very unique. Most students applying to lawschool come from a fairly 'normal' background. That doesn't really matter though because while the ps is a means to set you apart from the unwashed masses you don't have to accomplish this by trying to be the one unique snowflake. A well written ps will showcase your character to the reader, it will allow them to gain a little bit of understanding about how you make decisions and how you prioritize in a given situation. Basically, the admission council wants to find out if you'll bring something to the class, if you'll be able to do the work and if they'll cringe or not when they hand over that diploma.

How to accomplish writing such a ps is often quite difficult. Some people just sit down and do it. Some people need a lot of time and lots and lots of drafts. It depends. What you should do though is trying to sit down for a couple minutes and thinking about some of your experiences in life. What are the instances where you were really happy or sad, for example? Think about what really and truly motivates you to get up in the morning and do whatever you do. Think about what you would like to do if you would win the lottery. Grind your mental gears a little and see what remains. Maybe you had a mad crush on the girl at the book store and you kick yourself every day because you never asked her out. Maybe you're deathly afraid of dogs because you got bit as a child but you still volunteer at an animal shelter. Whatever, it's your life. Take one of those instances where I can see who you are and tell me a short story about them. Teach me a little about yourself.

That's all you have to do. You can do it.

The only thing I can think of right now is my life in tennis. I was a full on tennis player from 2nd grade, like training, tournaments, coaches, etc. Could this be potentially a subject about hard work, trimuphs, disappointments, etc?

Maybe. Could work. Try to think about it some more though and if you absolutely draw a blank then go on and write about tennis.

come up with a way to write about how normal you are. if you haven't already noticed from cruising around here for a while, nobody applying to law school can admit that they are normal. In this population, it would make you quite unique.

I'm with everyone else on this one.

You need to pick a different topic or radically change this one around. Its way too cliche.

I think cliche can work, but you really need to connect with your reader in order to pull it off and that's just not happening here.

.

Ok, here is a very rough concept for the tennis personal statement. This is not close to a finished product, I would just like to know if it has potential. (I know it was mentioned not to mention high school, but it's kind of an important part of my tennis career, with one of the biggest disappointments in my tennis career.)

Tennis is probably one of the sports that the general public defines as “boring to watch.” One it’s face after all, it’s a ball moving back and forth for three to six hours. To play tennis however is a life long obsession. To try to be the best you put in hours of coaching, conditioning, hitting the same shot to the same spot in the court over and over again just to prepare to play someone you’ve probably have never played before, and hope to win. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Some victories or defeats mean more than others, and some matches help define you as a person.
I first started to play tennis when I was in the second grade. My mother forced me to start, but I quickly grew fascinated with the sport and started to learn the basics. As I got older, I started to receive private coaching, played in tournaments most weekends, and spent hours a day on the court and in the gym. Texas is one of the most heavily competitive states in the Union when it comes to tennis, so you have to put in the extra time to really be better than the next guy. There are basic levels in tennis for players 18 and under: Zone, Champs, and Super Champs. As hard as I tried, I never made it to Super Champs. I could only play in the local advancement tournament when it came around every four months, if I didn’t win the tournament, I didn’t advance. I spent these years honing my skills until I got to high school, where I played for a great coach and a great team.
Tennis teaches a person many things. The most important is hard work. You should hardly ever let a day go by that you don’t get on the court if you want to play tennis. You fight for that higher ranking within the state every day. I have a scar on my hand from diving for a single shot. I injured my left knee my junior year of high school, and still played through the year. I still feel the effects of that decision to this day. The day that I learned the most from tennis is the day after my team made it to the Texas State Championship final. After a long day, and hard fought matches, our team lost by 2 team points, 10-8. I was one of the matches that lost that final. Our team cried, feeling like a lifetime of work came down to a moment that meant everything, only to have it taken away. What I learned the next day was that the sun does rise again. That even the ultimate disappoints don’t define you, and your victories can’t carry you your whole life.
When I began my freshman year of college, my tennis career was all but over, besides playing in amateur tournaments. I began a new journey, the journey to law school. It wasn’t always easy, there were disappointments, there were victories, but regardless of what happened, I knew that with hard work I would be proud of myself no matter what the end result was. I am ready to move to the next level of this journey, just like I moved up levels in my tennis career. I believe I can move up, improve, and prefect the skills I need to be a great attorney.

It reads a bit like something a junior high kid would write for a show and tell. Try and write so that the reader enjoys him or herself.

Ok personal statement number 3. This is about someone else again, but it's also about a significant single event in my life, so maybe it comes off a little better? Again, this is a very rough draft, just pretty much something I put down trying to come up with a better concept.

As I was sitting in my Philosophy 240 class I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. A few minutes later, I felt it vibrate again. I decided to look to see who it was, and I assumed it would simply be one of my friends, but it was my father. My heart jumped up into my throat. One would have to understand who my father is to know why this would scare me. My father hardly ever calls me in the middle of the day, and he never, and I mean never, calls twice. When I left my class I immediately called my father back, and he informed me that my Uncle Jimmy had just died. I feel to my knees and started sobbing in the middle of the large college campus.
Losing a mentor is never easy for anyone no matter who that is. My Uncle Jimmy was an extremely successful person. He was a retired Air Force Major and a doctor. He seemed to have an answer for any problem I was facing, and he simply loved life. He inspired me to push a little harder, study a little more, and hope with a little more passion. I had never had a death rock me as hard as this one.
The ensuing legal battle tore my family apart. My Aunt’s family fought legally for any monetary amount that was in my Uncle’s name. This was never the intention of my Uncle, but he was 42 when he died, and was in fantastic physical condition. He had a three page will that simply split up his estate among his living brother and two sisters. I tried my best, with the help of my boss, Brian C. Gutierrez, to fight for the interests of my brother and my mother, as well as myself. However, as my boss told me at the end of the fight, sometimes the law doesn’t represent a moral justice, only a legal one. Through a technicality, one member of my Aunt’s family received the entire monetary amount that my Uncle Jimmy had, while the rest of the family received any physical possessions. Since that verdict was rendered, these two sides of the family have not spoken.
I believe in helping people who need it. Only using the legal power of my boss, I could not give my late Uncle the help he deserved; to be sure that what he had wanted was going to happen. That was a terrible feeling. Law school is something that I have wanted for myself since I was a teenager. I know that sounds cliché, but the truth is it’s the only thing I ever really saw myself doing for the rest of my life. I want to be able to learn how to help people to achieve something as close to justice as possible. The truth is that no one will probably notice except myself and my client the day that happens. But it was my mentor who taught me that helping that single person can make the biggest difference in their lives. I can’t save their life like he could, but I can earn the right to give them their rightful settlement or verdict so that they don’t have to endure the feeling that I felt, to help them that person in my community not only that legal justice, but maybe even that moral justice as well. The impact of the law in the lives of others can be so significant, I want the ability to make sure that experience is a positive one for the clients that I will someday represent. My decision to go to law school is not taken lightly, and I believe, thanks to the work ethic that my uncle taught me, that I can achieve my goals through legal education.

There was one case with an older couple, the husband being a working class man, that had been in a horrible car accident. The insurance company tried to deny liability, so they came to Mr. Gutierrez’s office. When we settled the case, we had received a huge settlement, more than this older couple made in a year. I sat in the room as this couple cried because of their joy.

Turn that into two pages and you have a fine essay. Tell us every detail... The long hours, the risk, the struggle to get you boss to agree to your point of view, the gruesome disfigurement that the man had to live with (not his wife, I mean the accident), etc.

On MURPH's advice, here is a fourth personal statement, I think this may actually be my favorite.

During the first Pre-Law Society meeting of the year I sat and listened to a young personal injury attorney named Brian Gutierrez speak passionately about his enjoyment of working with Texas families and helping people against insurance companies who only wanted to take advantage of them. I was so moved by his comments, that I went up to him after the meeting and told him how much I enjoyed what he had to say. He gave me his card, and after some e-mail correspondence and a couple of interviews, he offered me an internship with his office. While I expected a job similar to what I had experienced before with other law offices, which mostly involved sending faxes and getting coffee, I developed a whole new appreciation for what it truly takes to be an attorney day to day, and had some experiences that will serve my motivation all through law school.
When I walked into Mr. Gutierrez’s office the first day, I sat down at my desk and he through a couple of books at me. He told me to read up on Statutes, Torts, what damages are covered by law in Texas, Texas Insurance Code, and Texas Traffic Violations. He told me he didn’t have time to teach me this, so I needed to jump up to the curve quick. Obviously, this is not what I was expecting, and I spent that first day going over the books and taking notes on what I needed to know to successful assist Mr. Gutierrez. Through the course of the first several months, I learned how to craft first letters of representation and letters of protection. But then I learned how to assist in pre-litigation, learned how to argue with insurance and adjusters, and what would be a successful settlement. I eventually reached a point where I was handling cases in pre-litigation with little or no assistance from Mr. Gutierrez, and turning in some great settlements.
The case that will stick with me more than any other however was when a small older couple walked into the office. The couple had been in a horrific car accident, and the husband was a working class man who had not been able to work since, and was receiving no compensation from his company, or the insurance company. He had fractured his arm and his face. He was unable to receive continuous medical treatment because he had no health insurance, and was in pain on a daily basis. Mr. Gutierrez was not in the office, so I sat them down and explained to them the process that they would be going through if they signed with the office. This had become a large part of my job, as Mr. Gutierrez had noticed I have very good people skills, and was able to communicate seemingly complicated legal processes in a very simple way to people who may not understand the complications.
Mr. Gutierrez and I immediately began work on this case. The insurance company had given an initial offer to the older couple that they claimed “expired in thirty days.” Of course, this was an obvious tactic to get them to accept a small offer that did not near meet their needs. It was clear also that they had been trying to push the couple pass the statute of limitation on personal injury cases in the state of Texas, taking advantage of the couple’s ignorance in legal statutes. We obviously denied the offer, and started negotiations over the phone and through mail correspondence. They tried the usual arguments that we had heard many times before, things like certain medical treatments were not necessary, to try and justify a smaller settlement. We set a standard and would not accept a settlement below a certain point. We were certainly ready to go to court.
Finally, after several weeks of litigation which included Mr. Gutierrez and myself preparing discovery and filing a suit in the county courthouse, we received the settlement we wanted. We took this offer to our clients, and told them that after all their medical and legal fees had been paid, they were going to go home with over $30,000. This was more than the couple made in a year. They jumped up, gave us hugs, cried, and even told us that they were going to testify in their church about how they had been blessed by our hard work. I have never felt more fulfilled as a person as I had been that day helping that older couple with something that they truly could not do on their own.
The experiences I had in that office helped prepare me for what the “business” side of law is truly like, and what I would need to do to prepare myself to be a great lawyer. I believe I have an understanding of the amount of work it will take to be successful in law school, but I believe the legal education I would receive would help me achieve more small personal victories like this, leading to a career I can truly be proud of.

During the first Pre-Law Society meeting of the year I sat and listened to a young personal injury attorney named Brian Gutierrez speak passionately about his enjoyment of working with Texas families and helping people against insurance companies who only wanted to take advantage of them. (This opening sentence is pretty long. You could probably break it into two.) I was so moved by his comments, that I went up to him after the meeting and told him how much I enjoyed what he had to say. He gave me his card, and after some e-mail correspondence and a couple of interviews, (Most internships require at most one interview. Was this especially competitive? Did you have to prove something or outshine 20 other applicants?) he offered me an internship with his office. While I expected a job similar to what I had experienced before with other law offices, which mostly involved sending faxes and getting coffee, I developed a whole new appreciation for what it truly takes to be an attorney day to day, and had some experiences that will serve my motivation all through law school. (again this sentence is very long. May be break it up)

When I walked into Mr. Gutierrez’s office the first day, I sat down at my desk and he through (threw) a couple of books at me. He told me to read up on Statutes, Torts, what damages are covered by law in Texas, Texas Insurance Code, and Texas Traffic Violations. He told me he didn’t have time to teach me this, so I needed to jump up to the curve quick (or quickly, I am not sure). Obviously, this is not what I was expecting, and I spent that first day going over the books and taking notes on what I needed to know to successful (successfully) assist Mr. Gutierrez. Through the course of the first several months, I learned how to craft first letters of representation and letters of protection. (Don't start a sentence with But) But then I learned how to assist in pre-litigation, learned how to argue with insurance and adjusters, and what would be a successful settlement. I eventually reached a point where I was handling cases in pre-litigation with little or no assistance from Mr. Gutierrez, and turning in some great settlements. (This essay is turning out better than the ones above. It is relevant to law and gives some example of your experience. I think you might want to include description of your motivation in helping the injured man in the next paragraph. The key here is to make the admissions officer remember YOU not the injured man. It may not be an easy thing to pull off. The worst thing would be to make it all about you. I've read plenty of stories about how some well off college kid interacts with a poor person then feels like becoming a lawyer to fight injustice. At the same time you have to be in focus without being The focus. A good tactic might be a humble approach. Tell how you almost messed up a case earlier and were scolded by Mr. Gutierrez. This mans story tugged at your heart and you really wanted to work extra hard to get it right for his sake. Humility and Confidence.)
The case that will stick with me more than any other however was when a small older couple walked into the office. The couple had been in a horrific car accident, and the husband was a working class man who had not been able to work since, and was receiving no compensation from his company, or the insurance company. He had fractured his arm and his face. He was unable to receive continuous medical treatment because he had no health insurance, and was in pain on a daily basis. Mr. Gutierrez was not in the office, so I sat them down and explained to them the process that they would be going through if they signed with the office. This had become a large part of my job, as Mr. Gutierrez had noticed I have very good people skills, and was able to communicate seemingly complicated legal processes in a very simple way to people who may not understand the complications.

Mr. Gutierrez and I immediately began work on this case. The insurance company had given an initial offer to the older couple that they claimed “expired in thirty days.” Of course, this was an obvious tactic to get them to accept a small offer that did not near meet their needs. It was clear also that they had been trying to push the couple pass the statute of limitation on personal injury cases in the state of Texas, taking advantage of the couple’s ignorance in legal statutes. We obviously denied the offer, and started negotiations over the phone and through mail correspondence. They tried the usual arguments that we had heard many times before, things like certain medical treatments were not necessary, to try and justify a smaller settlement. We set a standard and would not accept a settlement below a certain point. We were certainly ready to go to court. (OK, you have a deadline, the bad guy is using a stalling tactic, there is negotiating over $ and don't forget the man is suffering and needs money to buy pain medicine or whatever. But it seems like you followed the standard procedure here: reject the first offer, get the paperwork done, accept a bigger offer. Why was this case hard, what wrench did the insurance company try to throw into the mix)

Finally, after several weeks of litigation which included Mr. Gutierrez and myself preparing discovery and filing a suit in the county courthouse, we received the settlement we wanted. We took this offer to our clients, and told them that after all their medical and legal fees had been paid, they were going to go home with over $30,000. This was more than the couple made in a year. They jumped up, gave us hugs, cried, and even told us that they were going to testify in their church about how they had been blessed by our hard work. I have never felt more fulfilled as a person as I had been that day helping that older couple with something that they truly could not do on their own. (I am not sure if mentioning the dollar amount helps your story or hurts it. It seems like a paltry amount to me but it obviously wasn't to the hurt man. Elaborate on this point. Injured men only jump up to celebrate when they are faking their injury, at least in my cynical mind. )
I would try to end it with a statement that you hope to join their pro bono clinic while in law school or some other club/activity that is directly related to both this story and to each law school.
You've knocked out four essays in a day. Good start. Now rewrite this one and another favorite tonight. Wait a few days and reread it. Edit and share it again with us or with a friend. Rewrite and let it simmer a few times.

I am also unsure about mentioning the dollar amount, however in the state of Texas there is only so much you can actually get in normal automobile accident cases, and this is a lot of a case like this. But of course, I don't know if I should mention it, anyone else have an opinion on that? Also if someone had to rank the PS that I have posted from 1st to 4th how would they rank them?

Number 4, by a mile. The Uncle thing is good but it's not focused enough on you. Tennis is a bit metaphorical, you were basically a lawyer in #4, so cut to the chase.