Personal Statement Samples

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
astatement
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby astatement » Tue Nov 25, 2008 3:27 pm

I'm guessing, no matter how sincere it is (it is, i have no desire for private practice), that this essay is way too cliched, its been seen a million times, and i need to abandon it but i would love advice:


You don't need any comments, you pointed out precisely all the weaknesses. There are no mistakes, the flow of the language is nice and smooth.
If your numbers are great, adcoms will look at your statement like, "OK, this guy has nothing to tell about himself, but he is young and at least able to produce a quality piece of writing. If his numbers are at higher end, he is in."

astatement
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby astatement » Tue Nov 25, 2008 3:33 pm

atylwr wrote: Should I elaborate on a story or should I just talk about myself more?

It depends how many other "save the world" statements adcome would have to read. If not too many, they probably would smile reminiscing their early twenties; if there are too many of those grandiose ideas, they would be annoyed.

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Kares
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby Kares » Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:59 pm

Hi! I posted a personal statement earlier and justifiably someone tore it apart. I tweeked it quite a bit let me know what you think! This is a rough rough draft I'm not applying til next fall but I wanted to get a head start and a direction at least. Thanks and good luck to all :)

I dug my toes into the soft Georgia red clay and refused to budge, “I’m watching them grow,” I replied to my grandmother. She laughed and tugged on my hand. We had just planted her garden. It seemed huge to me and I was amazed, transfixed even, to see our work grow. I did not realize that it would be months before I would dig into a plate of salty fried okra or fried green tomatoes which she would prepare for me. I was impatient to see the hard earned fruits of my labor. This tenacious spirit has accompanied me throughout my life and it is with this spirit that I pursue the challenging field of law.

I did not have an especially difficult childhood. I grew up in a comfortable suburb of Atlanta, my father held the same job for over thirty years and my mother alternated between a part time job and staying at home. I realized the regularity of my life and I fought hard to be extraordinary. In grammar school I joined clubs, academic teams, and musical groups and had varied amounts of success at each. In middle and high school I focused primarily on academic pursuits and was rewarded by being in the top of my graduating class. I was accepted to the colleges of my choice within the state and had few concerns as the hope scholarship would fund my tuition. In a predictable way I was a standout young adult. I became complacent and even melancholy in my freshman year of college. Then a major family tragedy shocked me and reminded me of the spirit I had as a child and would need as an adult.

I was driving on a crowded highway when my mother called me. I berated her with questions and received cryptic responses. Finally I broke down her defenses and she simply told me the diagnosis. My father had fronto-temporal dementia, he was fifty-three. I was awed. My father, the man with whom the majority of my arguments as a child stemmed from, the man who had always told me I’d be a lawyer was going to lose his capacity to reason.

Today, two years later I am still awed by the diagnosis. I am still shocked when I think of the ability he has lost and what more he will continue to lose. But the diagnosis reignited my childhood spirit. In the past two years I have entered into all of my pursuits both academic and otherwise with the design of reaching the goal I have had for many years: to become a lawyer. I have enjoyed my undergraduate study of economics and am especially interested in the microeconomic study of corporate behavior and law. It is with this interest and background knowledge of economics that I apply to law school in pursuit of a degree which will help me harvest the labor I have put into all of my pervious pursuits.

lym
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby lym » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:48 pm

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joschmo
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby joschmo » Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:38 pm

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scott82
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby scott82 » Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:03 pm

Too many commas. Too many interjections. "Bearify" is funny, but you shouldn't say so; that's akin to jabbing someone in the ribs and saying " Get it?!"

You may want to indicate earlier on where the John Muir Trail is; that was all I could think about till I got to the end of the 2nd to last paragraph.

Read it aloud for flow; have some friends edit it. With those numbers, you could probably write "I want in" on a cocktail napkin and just show up at Boalt on the first day of classes.

caic517
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby caic517 » Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:10 pm

joschmo, your PS was most definitely a worthwhile read. Great stats, btw (though not so sure of the relevancy here given your cycle isn't over yet :oops: ).

Pretty sure you'll do fine but good luck and have a great cycle.

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joschmo
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby joschmo » Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:28 pm

Bump - Lets get this forum going again

nikkei325i
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby nikkei325i » Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:51 am

Can anyone check out my PS?
I only have a week until I have to submit it to my professors.

caic517
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby caic517 » Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:45 am

nikkei325i wrote:Can anyone check out my PS?
I only have a week until I have to submit it to my professors.

If you could post it. :?

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Veritas
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby Veritas » Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:25 pm

I thought this thread was for people to post samples of successful Personal Statements. Not a "what do you think of my PS?" thread.

People who were done with their cycles would post their PS and others could read them to get an idea of what good PS's looked like. Am I wrong?

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JustDude
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby JustDude » Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:32 pm

veritas85 wrote:I thought this thread was for people to post samples of successful Personal Statements. Not a "what do you think of my PS?" thread.

People who were done with their cycles would post their PS and others could read them to get an idea of what good PS's looked like. Am I wrong?


Yoes you are. If you dont like weather in New England, you can go back where you came from (Old England)

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Veritas
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby Veritas » Thu Dec 11, 2008 12:32 am

JustDude wrote:
veritas85 wrote:I thought this thread was for people to post samples of successful Personal Statements. Not a "what do you think of my PS?" thread.

People who were done with their cycles would post their PS and others could read them to get an idea of what good PS's looked like. Am I wrong?


Yoes you are. If you dont like weather in New England, you can go back where you came from (Old England)


Thanks JD. The weather in SoCal is fine, thanks though.

soccer14
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby soccer14 » Wed Dec 17, 2008 10:17 pm

Anybody care to take at look at my statement. Hopefully going to be done with it by the end of the week.
GPA 3.25, Dec LSAT hopefully 157-160
Thanks

It was October 15th, 2008. Sitting in my small cramped room, I was realizing my collegiate soccer career was abruptly coming to an end. We were in ninth place in the conference with two games remaining. The top eight teams make the conference tournament. I was sitting there deliberating on the season’s high points and numerous low points. So far, the season had not gone to plan. While the team had extremely high expectations going in to the season, most of these had fizzled and faded. As these thoughts crossed my mind, I had a vision. While anticipating heroic victories and celebration of wins, I would lead my team to victory in the last two games of the season.

This vision would later come true. We were victorious in our last two games while beating capable and respectable opponents. Our first game was in Indianapolis. The game occurred on a rainy cold night in late October. To make things worse, the team we were playing also had visions of their own. They were fighting for their lives in a battle to make the conference tournament. Later that night, we prevailed with a one goal victory. As the weekend continued, we traveled to Renselllear, Indiana for our second game. In one of the most intense playing environments of my career, not only was the wind strong enough to make your face cringe and your body shiver, but the mental intensity of both teams was a true battle of survival to the last minute. We would win on a late goal to place us in the conference tournament.

When I look back on this vision, I think of everything I have done to get to this point in my career. I have practiced in weather conditions below freezing or traveled twenty hours by bus for a tournament. I have always loved the competition and teamwork of the sport. But, soccer has given me much more than this. It has given me skills and attributes such as leadership, work ethic, pride and time management that will help me be successful later in life.

Earlier in the season I was named captain of our team. I had been a three year starter and knew the title came with the duty of exemplifying responsibility and dedication. My team mates chose me, someone who they thought was an effective leader; someone they trusted to keep spirits lifted and be a true communicator. I knew I had to create an environment suitable for success. In the last two games, I knew my leadership had to prevail. To be successful and for the vision to come true, I had to show similar attributes that people like Michael Jordan showed everyday. I had to lead the team to victory and I was not going to let my team down.

During the season, weeks were filled with fifteen hours of practice, six hours of games, and sometimes twenty hours of travel. This, along with fifteen hours of classes, does not allow much else. When I came to college, I had a hard time balancing soccer with school. I was thrown into an unfamiliar world with equally demanding professors and coaches. On weekends when we were away, I was forced to study in hotel lobbies or in cramped hotel rooms with two beds and four people. I tried frequently to study on the bus, but with constant noise and extremely tight seating arrangements it was almost impossible. I quickly had to develop time management skills that would allow me to have a successful balance between soccer and academics. In law school, I will have to balance my time accordingly. I am confident that the time management skills from which I have achieved from soccer and academics will contribute to me being successful in law school.

The skills and characteristics I have acquired through soccer will enable me to be an exemplary student in law school. It is not just about a game, but it is about working with others for a common goal; it is about learning to balance the things most important in life; it is about being a leader. The last four years have been an extraordinary time in my life that has given me the opportunity to develop my true character. A character I wish to bring with me to law school.

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mcb09
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby mcb09 » Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:35 am

New to this, but I really need help getting a personal statement down. It's the last step, I've had everything else done for about 3 weeks and I just can't make myself do it. Here's a crummy rough draft. I'm trying to get into the University of Kentucky. GPA is 3.9, LSAT is a disappointing 154. If anyone has time, let me know what you think. Thanks!


Most kids grow up knowing they want to make a difference. As a child, I alternated between wanting to be a teacher, a judge, and a writer – all professions through which I thought I could change the world. Those childhood dreams didn’t change much as I got older and considered what my major should be in college. I settled on journalism. I knew I wanted to make a difference, and I thought that by writing, I could truly be an agent of change.
My first few journalism classes were interesting, and I truly enjoyed working for the college newspaper. I wrote about local and state government, crime, and education. I became known for my editorials on less serious issues such as women’s clothing sizes and traffic on I-75. However, I realized in my second year of college that my writing wasn’t so much affecting change as it was entertaining people. I liked that people found my writing comedic and enjoyable, but I still yearned to make a difference in the world.
In my fourth semester at Eastern, I enrolled in media law. The older journalism majors had all told me horror stories about the course, which was a requirement of our major. The teacher was old-fashioned, they said, and they had to memorize dozens of cases ranging from copyright to libel law. I went into the course nervous, but within a week, I knew I was different from these other journalism students sitting around me texting and doodling in their notebooks. Not only did I like the professor, I actually loved learning about the different cases and how the law applies to journalists.
Throughout the course of that semester, I learned that the law really exists to keep anyone safe from unfairness. I was excited by the idea that, even though I was a 19-year-old student in Kentucky, no one could legally pass my work off as their own because the law protected me. I also really liked how black and white the law is, and yet there are still gray areas to which the courts are constantly making new decisions. The law is a complex thing to study. Just when I thought I had mastered libel law, another case came along that shook my world.
While taking media law, I realized what was missing from my career path. As a journalist, I could write about the changes other people were making, but it would be terribly difficult to make my own. I would be like a cheerleader of sorts, simply showing off the work other great people had accomplished. I desperately wanted to make my own change. So I looked back at when I was a child and considered those options I had given myself.
I decided maybe I could be a lawyer. I was a little nervous at first, seeing as how my new chosen path involved three more years of school and a considerable amount of debt. But my strongest attribute has always been my drive and competitiveness. I knew if I just put my mind to it, anything was possible.
As a lawyer, I will actually be able to change the world, or at least a small portion of it. My mother is a social worker for Job and Family Services, and seeing the impact she has, I have realized my passion for child welfare law. In my media law class, I realized that the law protects everyone. Children, though, don’t always have the resources to take advantage of that protection. I want to be able to help and change lives through my training in the legal field.
As a student at the University of Kentucky College of Law, I have no doubt that I will be able to gain the resources necessary for me to become a successful child welfare lawyer. The experienced faculty, numerous student law organizations, and law clinic will all help me to become the best lawyer I can be, and most importantly, make a difference in the world.

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WaxPoetic
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby WaxPoetic » Sun Dec 28, 2008 2:03 am

TO MCB09:
As a newbie to this forum and a fellow journalist in a similar perdicament as you (not too impressive lsat scores, near perfect GPA, and stuck on the personal statement) I felt inclined to respond. I have a few surface pointers....I hope they help. Now only if i could do this to my own work....oh, well.

You say you "settled" for journalism...that doesn't really make it seem like you have a passion for it, but rather you chose it because you had no clue what else to do.

I do like that you mention the pithy comment about your editorials, but what made you realize you were "only entertaining"? You say you yearned to make a difference, but you do not follow through in your sentence...do you want to write about more "serious" topics? Like what? Did you end up doing so?

Where you talk about your media law class: Something about the way you word it as "which was a requirement" kind of makes me, as the reader, think you would have otherwise avoided it...that makes me think you didn't previously have an interest in law.

"I actually loved learning about the different cases and how the law applies to journalists." -- did this affect your journalism? you don't talk much more about your writing in the rest of this PS, it might be worthwhile to tie this media ethics class into how it affected your writing because you say here you like how it applies to journalists. How does it apply?

"Throughout the course of that semester, I learned that the law really exists to keep anyone safe from unfairness."
-use of unfairness is kind of awkward here...

"I was excited by the idea that" -- here's an example of using many words instead of just one, space limitations may be an issue, so consider saying "_______excited me."

"The law is a complex thing to study. Just when I thought I had mastered libel law, another case came along that shook my world."
-The admissions comm. know that law is complex, restating it doesn't seem necessary unless you back it up with something else...additionally, you may want to reconsider "mastering libel law" because there is no way an undergrad in his/her first journalism mastered libel law. I do see what you are trying to do here, just be careful.

"As a journalist, I could write about the changes other people were making, but it would be terribly difficult to make my own. " Here is what I think you are really trying to say in your statement, i could be wrong, but talk more about this. this is a good connection.


"I decided maybe I could be a lawyer. "
-Be confident in your assertion! They admissions people don't want maybes....it seems you're trying to connect how this class made you want to study law, than it should be something you are sure of.

"But my strongest attribute has always been my drive and competitiveness."
- examples, examples, examples...how is this your strongest attribute.


"As a lawyer, I will actually be able to change the world, or at least a small portion of it."
- I admit i am no expert, but based on all of the books I've read, this is a no no. They don't want to read about how you'll change the world, because it doesn't mean much. Anyone can claim that, but you must be able to back it up, and really how can someone back up that claim? I think we all want to change the world in some way.

"My mother is a social worker for Job and Family Services, and seeing the impact she has, I have realized my passion for child welfare law. In my media law class, I realized that the law protects everyone. Children, though, don’t always have the resources to take advantage of that protection. I want to be able to help and change lives through my training in the legal field."
-Have you ever worked in this field? if so, it would be very helpful to mention this as evidence


"As a student at the University of Kentucky College of Law, I have no doubt that I will be able to gain the resources necessary for me to become a successful child welfare lawyer. The experienced faculty, numerous student law organizations, and law clinic will all help me to become the best lawyer I can be, and most importantly, make a difference in the world."
-I have this same problem, trying to figure out how to include the potential college in my application, but you may want to include more specifics as opposed to generalities.

Overall, I think the main thing you want to consider is tangible examples of your claims as well as transitions. You start by talking about writing for the paper, then go into the course, then about how you want to go into child welfare law...all important things to mention, of course, but make sure you relate them to each other.


Anyway, I hope this helped you at least in some small way...
It's just what I noticed in the couple of minutes I read over it. Good luck!


and if anyone is up for providing some criticism to mine, please please message me

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mcb09
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby mcb09 » Sun Dec 28, 2008 1:41 pm

WaxPoetic - Wow, thanks so so much! That helped. That was definitely a rough draft. I'm just having such a hard time getting motivated. I just wrote another one, but now I'm wondering - if you have a parent that is in politics, do you think it's bad to mention that? If it did shape your view of things? I've shyed away from putting that anywhere in my application, but now I've rewritten my statement and talk about how from the time I was born I've had to help Dad campaign every few years. I just can't decide. I sure feel excited about going to law school, but for some reason I can't get that excitement on paper (which is sad, as a journalism major). Anyway, bummer.

Feel free to post yours on here if you want me to look it over, or pm me (I'm new to all this, but I've heard there's a way to do that!)

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swilson215
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby swilson215 » Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:44 pm

So, I'm trying to finish up a different version of my PS and want to talk about my latest WE. I took a semester off this year to work at the Reagan Ranch Center, a conservative (I know, hiss and boo) organization. Is it too risky to bring up working on that end of the political spectrum. Advice ASAP is much appreciated!!

ahnielove
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby ahnielove » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:42 am

removed
Last edited by ahnielove on Fri Jan 02, 2009 1:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

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invictus
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby invictus » Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:12 pm

Hey guys, just finished my rough draft today. Would love any opinions you have so far. I'm worried that it may be too short...but who knows. Also, please comment on the style if possible: Am I being too risky using italics at certain points? Does the narrative structure work? Should I drop the phrase "comfort zone"? Let me know what you think.




“Are you familiar with Icelandic dance?”

I tugged at my tie uncomfortably. It was the first day of my internship at _______, a literary/arts magazine based out of _____. I sat across from the desk of +++++, the Editor-in-Chief.

“No, I’m afraid not,” I said. I knew a bit about Iceland, and I was sure that people danced there on occasion, but that was the extent of it.

“Well,” he said, not looking up from the screen of his iMac, “You’ll have to learn about it then, won’t you? We have a group of Icelandic dancers performing here next month, and I need an article about it. Give me 250 words. By Wednesday.”
Stiffly, I rose and returned to my already-cluttered desk on the other side of the room. I will admit to feeling quite overwhelmed at that point. When I had applied for the internship some weeks earlier, I was expecting something similar to the academic environment I had grown so comfortable with at college—a leisurely survey of books, political analyses, and the like. Instead, I now had to master an alien subject and produce a credible analysis, in writing, in the span of days. This was not in my comfort zone.

Then again, that amorphous “comfort zone” was something I had been striving to escape for some time. Majoring in English, I had often contemplated the practical applications of my education. The serene and sterile environment of academia had become far too monotonous, and I yearned to put my writing and research skills to good use. But Icelandic dance?

It was something that had to be done, whether or not I had any prior experience. What I realized, however, over a frenzied period of research, writing, and editing, was that I had enough experience to write the article—indirectly. Analyzing Yeats’ poetry would not help me write the article, but my appreciation for aesthetics would. Knowing the tactics of European medieval warfare had no use, but my experience in researching did.

Before my internship was over, I would interview an artist who used quilting to tell Jewish history, write a holiday gift guide surveying stores at which I could never afford to shop, and dealt with a sponsor enraged that I misunderstood what “chakra stones” were. I never took a class on these situations—instead I had to synthesize my scholarly work and life experience to survive and thrive in that environment. I left __________with several articles under my belt, a lesson in economics (the magazine went bankrupt the next week) and a newfound appreciation of my ability to put my skills to use. Icelandic dance would just be the beginning.

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The Zeppelin
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby The Zeppelin » Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:38 am

invictus wrote:Hey guys, just finished my rough draft today. Would love any opinions you have so far. I'm worried that it may be too short...but who knows. Also, please comment on the style if possible: Am I being too risky using italics at certain points? Does the narrative structure work? Should I drop the phrase "comfort zone"? Let me know what you think.




“Are you familiar with Icelandic dance?”

I tugged at my tie uncomfortably. It was the first day of my internship at _______, a literary/arts magazine based out of _____. I sat across from the desk of +++++, the Editor-in-Chief.

“No, I’m afraid not,” I said. I knew a bit about Iceland, and I was sure that people danced there on occasion, but that was the extent of it.

“Well,” he said, not looking up from the screen of his iMac, “You’ll have to learn about it then, won’t you? We have a group of Icelandic dancers performing here next month, and I need an article about it. Give me 250 words. By Wednesday.”
Stiffly, I rose and returned to my already-cluttered desk on the other side of the room. I will admit to feeling quite overwhelmed at that point. When I had applied for the internship some weeks earlier, I was expecting something similar to the academic environment I had grown so comfortable with at college—a leisurely survey of books, political analyses, and the like. Instead, I now had to master an alien subject and produce a credible analysis, in writing, in the span of days. This was not in my comfort zone.

Then again, that amorphous “comfort zone” was something I had been striving to escape for some time. Majoring in English, I had often contemplated the practical applications of my education. The serene and sterile environment of academia had become far too monotonous, and I yearned to put my writing and research skills to good use. But Icelandic dance?

It was something that had to be done, whether or not I had any prior experience. What I realized, however, over a frenzied period of research, writing, and editing, was that I had enough experience to write the article—indirectly. Analyzing Yeats’ poetry would not help me write the article, but my appreciation for aesthetics would. Knowing the tactics of European medieval warfare had no use, but my experience in researching did.

Before my internship was over, I would interview an artist who used quilting to tell Jewish history, write a holiday gift guide surveying stores at which I could never afford to shop, and dealt with a sponsor enraged that I misunderstood what “chakra stones” were. I never took a class on these situations—instead I had to synthesize my scholarly work and life experience to survive and thrive in that environment. I left __________with several articles under my belt, a lesson in economics (the magazine went bankrupt the next week) and a newfound appreciation of my ability to put my skills to use. Icelandic dance would just be the beginning.


Overall, I enjoyed it. Simple, yet informative. Three immediate issues for me:

1. I don't think it's wise to criticize academia when you're applying to law school.

2. Don't like how "survive and thrive" sound together.

Iceland dance would just be the beginning.

3. Of what?

sans1187
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Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby sans1187 » Sat Jan 03, 2009 7:30 am

hey guys! im new here and would realllllllly appreciate some help with my personal stmt, I just wrote it these past few hours and its extremely rough, but please let me know what you guys think about it!
stats: GPA: 3.4, LSAT: 167



I’m a 21 year old Pakistani Muslim woman majoring in Political Science from XXXUniversity and I have done one thing that Hilary Clinton has failed to do. I became President. Two years ago, I managed to do something that decades of girls at XXX have tried to do before me, I became the first female President of the Muslim Student Association at XXX University. Unlike Hilary, I did not wish to stand out from the crowd, rather, I wanted to identify myself with my various peers in ways more than just my religious affiliation.

My freshman year in high school, the tragic events of 9/11 left me in a situation where I was vulnerable to prejudice and unsolicited labeling as a “Muslim,” and that’s it. I walked through the halls with nothing more to my identity then the veil on my head distinguishing my religious affiliation. As I expected, I was verbally attacked, threatened and harassed. I’ve had claims made against me that I was passing Anthrax in the halls by “accidently” bumping into others; to blatant threats made to my face such as “I’m gonna knock that cloth off your head.” For any 13 year old girl, this had the potential of having an extremely powerful negative mental and social impact. For me, I embraced the challenge of having to prove to people, there is much more to this girl behind the veil.

I took this opportunity to indulge myself into different activities in the interest of proving to people that I was Muslim, but I was more as well. I joined the creative writing club and became known as the Muslim poet. I ventured into different community service activities, organizing trips to soup kitchens, passing out ribbons on the anniversary of 9/11, hence making me known as the Muslim _________. My junior year of high school, I moved to New Jersey, my eighth move in 15 years. To other 15 year old girls, this would seem like a frustrating obstacle and having to start all over again. To me, this was a wonderful opportunity to broaden my horizons and enlighten a new group of people that there was something more to me than just being “Muslim.” I immediately engaged myself in various organizations excited about showing my peers what I was capable of. I became extremely active in Model Congress, Model United Nations, Mock Trial, and got a new title for myself. I was the Muslim “Legal Buff,” partaking in several conferences around the United States, proving to people that yes, I was Muslim, but there is so much more to me than just that. I worked hard my junior year and found a spot on my high school's IPLE team. Our IPLE (Institute for Political and Legal Education) Team was this opportunity I was given to prove not only to my peers, but on a national level that I was more than just a Muslim. We competed against several schools on a state level on the fundamentals of the Constitution in the "We the People competition" and earned a spot to represent New Jersey on a national level. There, performing in front of distinguished politicians and legal scholars, my team won nationals. I felt as if I accomplished my goal: I showed the world (well the United States, at least) that I was so much more than just a Muslim. I had a potential to influence people on a national level and it was at this point I realized I wanted to partake in the legal world. There are plenty of Muslim doctors and engineers, but there is a serious lack of Muslim lawyers. I wanted to be able to influence the world, and show the world I was so much more than the label that was etched onto me when I was 13 years old.

This journey led me to XXX. As a student at XXX University, one of the most diverse schools in the United States, I thought my challenge was nonexistent, that in the population of 3000 Muslims on campus, someone must have proven to the populace that there is so much more to Muslims than just their religion. While earning my B.A. in political science and remaining active in the pre-law society on campus as well as several other organizations on campus including BAKA-Students for Middle Eastern Justice, OXFAM, The Pakistani Student Association; I reached out to the Muslim Student Association on campus in hopes that I would be able to engage with other individuals who longed to strip themselves of the label that we were engraved with a few years ago. It was then I was faced with two new obstacles, me being a woman, and me being a Shitte, which leaves me a minority in the Muslim populace not only at XXX, but in the world. I have always been a leader, taking on several leadership roles of several organizations on both in high school as well as at XXX, I was faced with this new challenge, I was not allowed to be President of the organization based solely on the fact that I was a girl. This bothered me greatly, not because I seek leadership and I refused to be anything less; but, because I was being prevented to engage in a role for something under which I had no control. I then sought to face this challenge. I, along with several others, challenged this at the administrative level at XXX. I was also a shitte, a minority, but I reached out to my fellow Muslims shying away from the label of Shitte, and bringing them closer with the common identities I shared with people. I identified myself as Pakistani with some of my fellow Muslims, to some I was a fellow pre-law student, to some I was a fellow woman. I fought this with great forcefulness, and it ended in the establishment of two separate Muslim organizations on campus. One was revolving around the "wahabi," or extremist sect on campus that did not allow women to be Presidents, and attempted to amend the Constitution to prevent anyone from being an executive board member unless they shared the same religious values as them. The other was the more liberal and accepting organization with the name "SALAM," meaning "peace." As soon as SALAM surfaced, I became extremely active to the point where I began as a PR officer, and was voted on as Vice President a semester later. Then, my junior year, I was voted on as the first female President of a Muslim Student Association at XXX University. Not only was I the first female President, but I was good at it. I used all my identities, my creative side, my innovative side, my political side, and incorporated it into running this organization to the best of my potential to the point where the organization was acclaimed by many Deans to be one of the most successful new organizations on campus with over 300 active members. I did not stop there. Of course, Hilary did not have the option of forming her own government on the side and staking her claim as President, but through my hard work and successful leadership, I managed to sway in many of the members of the other Muslim organization, hence calling into discussions of coming together as one Muslim organization once again. This too, I managed to do successfully while not budging on the principles that SALAM worked so hard to develop of unprejudiced and rationalization.

its obviously not done yet...I couldn't really think of a good way to close it. I kind of wanted to talk about how i worked throughout my 4 years at school as well...idk, what do you guys think?

User avatar
24secure
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:27 pm

Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby 24secure » Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:20 am

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Z.A.M.I
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:17 am

Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby Z.A.M.I » Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:28 am

[quote="sans1187"]
I’m a 21 year old Pakistani Muslim woman majoring in Political Science from XXXUniversity and I have done one thing that Hilary Clinton has failed to do. I became President. Two years ago, I managed to do something that decades of girls at XXX have tried to do before me, I became the first female President of the Muslim Student Association at XXX University. Unlike Hilary, I did not wish to stand out from the crowd, rather, I wanted to identify myself with my various peers in ways more than just my religious affiliation.


My first problem; quite startling. You compare yourself with Hilary Clinton. If I were an admission officer I would assume your joking- or hope so. I mean Hilary went to law school, became the senator of New York. Point, you just can't compare yourself because you were involved in kiddie politics.

The PS sounds a bit like an interview splurge in depth when they ask you to give examples. I can't feel you in this PS. My suggestion is that you need to make much more personal, but not too personal. I see that you are hardworking, accomplished student. But many of us are hard-working accomplished students. I am the founder and current president of QPOC- raised five thousand dollars and raising more for a scholarship fund for LGBT students. So you gotta match up with your competition by writing a exceptional personal statement that illuminates your unique character. I hope this helps, good luck. I look forward to reading your revision.

P.S If you write an amazing PS with all the work and public/community service Berkeley and UCLA are not out of reach.

bigeasy043
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:45 pm

Re: Personal Statement Samples

Postby bigeasy043 » Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:54 pm

Hi everyone, I am new to the site and have found the sample essays and feedback posted to be very helpful. For this reason, I am posting my personal statement below. I am open to any and all feedback, and hope that it provides assistance to someone, as many others have to me. Thank you in advance.

3.71 GPA/161 LSAT

Applying to: University of Washington, Seattle University, University of Colorado, Chicago-Kent, Loyola Marymount, University of Denver

As a first-generation college student, I embarked on a journey neither my parents nor my grandparents had experienced. With little guidance, I was able to explore many opportunities and faced many challenges that shaped my unique college experience.

For as long as I can remember I aspired to go to college, but like most adolescents, I was unaware of the realities associated with this dream. Being part of a family that lived paycheck to paycheck, the financial burden college posed weighed down my desires; so much, that the reality of me attending a four-year university became nonexistent when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer following my senior year of high school.

Finding out that my mother had breast cancer created a strong sense of urgency for my family. Our first priority was to find my mother the best treatment available. Unfortunately, this would require my mother to take significant time off work, creating a great financial strain for a single mother who supported my seven-year-younger sister and me. In lieu of this new burden, school became an after thought, and I decided I would get a full-time job and dedicate my time to supporting my family during this difficult time. My mother graciously accepted my support, but only on the condition I follow my desires and enroll in school. I wisely agreed.

Over the next two years, time management and organization became essential as I juggled attending school full-time, assisting with family responsibilities, and working 30 or more hours a week. Nearly every minute of each day needed to be productive, and at times, it was exhausting. However, I embraced the balancing act as a challenge and developed it into an art form. This eventually assisted me in earning my Associate of Arts degree, while my mother successfully completed treatment and defeated breast cancer.

After earning my Associate of Arts degree, I transferred to Eastern Washington University ("EWU") to continue my education. Upon arriving at EWU, I immediately faced the decision of what major to pursue. Since my family had no experience to lend, I drew upon my experiences and resources at school and work. Having worked at a bank the past two years, I inclined toward business school, where I was captivated by accounting, as the work proved the most challenging. However, just when I thought accounting was the pinnacle of my scholastic existence, I set foot in my first tax class.

I became Iintrigued as I began to learn about the intricacies of tax law,as the lack of straightforward answers, a stark contrast to my accounting courses, fascinated me the most. For instance, in our final project we were required to research and write an opinion related to a fictitious taxpayer transaction. As a further challenge, the assignment required us to argue in favor of the taxpayer and the Internal Revenue Service. The assignment was exciting; I enjoyed the challenge of starting with little guidelines and guidance, as well as the process of determining the relevance and authority of the tax code, treasury regulations, and court cases. Ultimately, I was drawn to the elements involved in building the case and I knew that I wanted to further my knowledge and understanding of tax law.

Through my undergraduate experience and hard work, I was pleased to learn that attending college was not financially impossible, and. fFollowing my first tax course at EWU, I decided to attend graduate school. Engaged by tax law, I enrolled in the Master of Taxation program at Arizona State University, where my interest grew as I worked closely with my professors to learn about the opportunities and areas of practice as a tax professional. I soon recognized a common thread; I enjoy projects and assignments with indefinite conclusions. It was this realization, along with many discussions and research that sparked my interest, to pursue a law degree. However, I wanted to gain professional experience first However, being the practical person that I am, I decided to start my tax career by working; with the goal to attend law school after gaining professional experience.

As part of the Global Structuring - Transfer Pricing ("GS-TP") group at PricewaterhouseCoopers, I have gained experience working with tax professionals of all backgrounds. Tax law, international law, and intellectual property law are all within the parameters of a typical project in the GS-TP group. This broad exposure has catalyzed my interest in other aspects of the law, ultimately solidifying my goal of attending law school.

Through my unique journey of higher education, I have been able to explore many opportunities and ultimately discover my passion for the law. By constantly challenging myself, I have been able to better identify my strengths and weaknesses, thus allowing mecreating the ability to thrive in any situation. I know law school will be a challenging endeavor, but I am equipped with the desire, skills, and dedication necessary to succeed.




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