By popular demand:
As I stood in the unfamiliar airport with my two overweight bags looking around, tears rushed to my eyes. For the first time in my life, I felt completely alone. I stood still for five minutes praying that someone would recognize the confusion and come to my rescue. However, my waiting and praying continued on unanswered.
Your bags were looking around?
So basically, in a nut-shell, unfamiliar airport casued such a disstress. What kind of message this paragraph will send to the adcomm???.. It probably will say something about your future performance in the court room. I mean, if you , a 22 year old student, cannot handle an airport. The very fact that you were waiting and praying that someone will rescue you is somewhat disstressing and tells a lot about how independent you are. You know that you will be competeing with people that went to Africa on their own and visited half of malaria infected south east asia (for their own selfish reasons, but still).
It was time for me to get it together, fast.
This ",fast" is done for emphasis?
I struggled with my bags and headed to the information desk, trying to remember what I needed to ask and translate it in my head at the same time. “Ou est l’autobus pour Aix-en-Provence?” I repeated this it seems 20 times as I waited in line. “Ou est l’autobus pour Aix-en-Provence?” Finally, it was my turn. BLANK. Six years of French simultaneously escaped my mind.
You will be competing against people that immigrated here when they were 16, lived in poverty, went to college at 18, and graduated. Those people mastered English language enough in 2 years to be able to go to college, and in 6 years they are presenting to AdComms absolutely stellar essays. And you, after 6 years of studying french, cannot ask a simple question as "where is the effing bus". I mean, people go to other countries as tourists without any knowledge of language and still can manage well.
Will something similar happen in court room after 3 years of studying law???
I can only imagine how I looked to the woman behind the desk. I still to this day remember how I felt. My hands were sweaty and aching from the death grip I had on my suitcases.
See my point above. Now you are writing as so that was truly axtraordinatry experience. I have huge concerns about you in the court room.
I had been long forewarned about con artists who preyed on unsuspecting tourists. Everywhere I went I was constantly looking over my shoulder paranoid. My heart was racing triple time from anxiety.
"triple time" doesnt sound correct.
Anyway, this behavior is excusable only if you were high on pot that gives you paranoia. You will be competeing against people that were in Iraq. They can look over their shoulder paranoid. You are in France for gods sake. Not in Iraq, Zimbabwe or tribal amazonia.
For the first time in my life, I was thousands of miles away from home. My cell phone was vastly out of its range leaving no outlet to phone home and hear my mother’s assuring voice telling me I could do this.
Will you hear your "mother’s assuring voice" in a courtroom?
My mind was working in overdrive. The loudness of the airport, the rushing people, and the foreign language all combined to give me the biggest headache of my life.
Your life was not ruich in experiences, was it?
As I stepped to the counter and gathered my thoughts, I realized I was no longer in Memphis.
I had stepped out into the great unknown all alone.
Bus counter is a "great unknown"??? And yet again "all alone". It's like signing a paper "I cannot do anything without my mommy".
I still could not remember my rehearsed phrase, but luckily for me the French woman at the desk spoke English. Upon hearing her welcoming “Hello” spoken with a thick French accent, I knew I could do this.
You could do what??? Aske her in English??? Wow...
The semester I spent in Aix-en-Provence may very well be the most rewarding experience of my life. While studying French and Political Science in France for three months, I was awarded a once in a lifetime opportunity to travel throughout Europe.
Once in a life time opportunity???.. Hmmmmm I mean trip to moon could qualify as a once in a lifetime opportumity.
Most people in my family have never traveled outside of Tennessee let alone outside of the States. I knew I had to make the most of this time, seeing and learning as much as I could. Though I got to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the Royal Palace in Madrid, Buckingham Palace in London, and even the souqs of Morocco, none of these trips or experiences were my greatest.
None was the greatest.
Yeah, I probably should have told you in the beginning, but, according to one law book. Anna something I believe wrote it. Well, according to it, never write you PS about your travel experiences in Europe. Well, Now you are making it worse, by having this laundry list. It might impress somebode in rural Georgia, but adcomms are savvier then that.
My greatest experiences in Europe took place in the small town of Aix-en-Provence, every day. The 100 days I spent living in this town taught me more about myself than my 20 years on Earth.
Wow, thats just sad.
I often say that going to Vanderbilt took me out of my environment, but truthfully Vanderbilt feels just like home compared to Aix.
"truthfully" here is a dangling modifier.
Everyday was a learning experience whether I was going to the boulangerie (bakery)
or attempting to get a French library card. I learned that I could survive in an unfamiliar place even with a language barrier.
For god's sake you were studing french for 6
I also learned to enjoy my time alone. In the US, I was constantly with friends and family, the computer, my cell phone, and the television.
the computer, my cell phone, and the television
Quite a nasty list. I would put something like a book.
In France, I had ample alone time to reflect what I wanted to do with my life.
Translation: "I am not that social".
I have always had a plan. Graduate with Honors at the top of my class at Craigmont High School. Check. Vanderbilt. Check. Law School. Law Firm. United Nations. Retirement.
No resumes please in PS. Especially bragging about A's from high school. No good. Plus "Law School. Law Firm. United Nations. Retirement"
I mean "Law firm"??? "United nations"???.. What the hell are you talking about. Seems like you have no idea about real wiorld.
It was in these moments alone in France walking down the cobblestone streets or just staring out of my fourth floor apartment window that I truly decided that law school was really what I wanted.
So, you decided to go to law out of boredom and loneliness. You will be competing with people that had stronger reasons.
I always said I wanted to go to law school, but had begun to question my dedication to achieving the goal. I had become stagnant, satisfied for the first time in my life with being a B student, lacking motivation to improve, accepting the excuse that I went to Vanderbilt and that’s why my grades were lower, and unworried about getting into law school, relying on my seemingly good luck to get me where I wanted to be.
What you said in translation:
Your bad grades are due to the fact that Vanderbilt is too good for you. Vanderbuilt is a private school, so there is grade inflation. And it is not Stanford. So... This very sentence alone confined you to the tire 4 Law School.
Also, you are seeking axcuses for bad performance. Well, losers seek excuses, winners seek resources to fix the problem.
It was in France that I rededicated myself to my law school dream. I focused myself with a newfound strength stemming from the knowledge that I can do whatever I set my mind towards doing.
Delusion is the word you were looking for.
The fall semester of my junior year at Vanderbilt, I set out to conquer a foreign country arming myself with an intermediate knowledge of the language and culture and a willingness to adapt to change.
It was G.W. Bush, who set out to conquer a foreign country with substandard knowledge of language and culture. You were just an exchange student.
As I walked away from the information desk, with directions to the bus stop in my hand, I still felt the immense weight of anxiety. I bought my ticket to Aix-en-Provence, briefly stumbling with the funny new currency. As I placed my bags under the bus, it was if a small weight was lifted from shoulders. As I sat on the bus, by the window, I stared out into the country. For the first time since I had arrived in France, I felt excited about the adventures that awaited me. As the bus began the journey from the Marseilles airport to Aix-en-Provence, I began my own personal journey towards self-discovery.
Care to write about journe into self discovery. Wasn't much on that subject.
Thank you for the critique.
1) Vanderbilt doesn't have grade inflation and it prides itself on that.
2) Yes, 6 years of French is a lot, however, the French are notorious for there dislike of those who mess up their language and 6 years of French failed to erase my Southern accent. So yes, I was nervous to use my French on an actual French person NOT paid to teach me the language.
3)Not everyone can afford to travel around Europe. Because of scholarships, I had the opportunity. It really was once in a lifetime for because I'll most likely never again get a chance to study in France.
4)I NEVER said Vanderbilt was TOO good for me. I admit I slacked my freshman year with too much freedom and not enough studying. I did not decide to go to law school because of boredom. In my "not that social" time in France, I just realized I wasn't doing what I needed to do in order to get to law school.
5) And I'm sorry my life isn't "rich" enough in experiences for you. No, my mother was never a crackhead and yes, I know my father. Too bad for me that I'm middle class; not poor enough to be interesting, not rich enough to be "worldly."
Some of your critiques I will take to heart though because I do understand how one can interrupt my words differently than I intended. But some of your critiques, we'll just have to agree to disagree... Thanks