I'm responding to the previous PS. I am trying to build some capital and good will so that when I finish mine some folks might help me out. I find it hard to write a PS. But as they say, it is easy to critize. And fun too.
So heres my review. Keep in mind I have no real english training and in fact spell so badly that my spell checker sometimes just gives up. Take my comments with a grain of salt, and seek a second opinion.
“ in hopes of the “American Dream”” pretty sure you need a verb in there. And I pretty sure you need hope, not the plural. How about “in hope of obtaining (or pursuing, or whatever)
I like the lessons, but you did not really explain how you learned them. Your friends were gone, and somehow that taught you two lessons that seem unrelated to losing friends.
“environment, where” I think should by “environment where,”
“I look back at those times and laugh” I don’t know why you laugh. Maybe you look back and are filled with pride and respect, love, or something. It seems strange to be laughing at your parents for having time for you.
“work a day in their lives”. I’m not a fan of the phrase. To me it sounds a little bitter and jealous. Also what follows that sentence has been established earlier and is redundant here. It just adds to the bitterness. I would suggest, rather than having an attitude of bitterness toward those who had it easy, focus on your own strengths, becoming mature and all that good stuff. This is supposed to be about you afterall, and is supposed to be demonstrating your strengths.
Congrads on being a Dad! Just a suggestion: I like that you brought up your initial resentment about having a child. I think I even like the minority statistic thing, but to a lesser degree. I don’t like that it seems that your total focus was on not being a minority statistic. Is the reason you want to go to law school just because you think that will prove that your not a minority statistic? Thats what Im getting out of it anyway
I do like that you bring up being a father. That is a great oppertunity to tie everything together. You can talk about how you overcame your negative feelings, saw your daughter for the first time and felt an overwheliming responsibility to her so she would have a good life and all that mushy stuff, and that you learned about family, even if your not with your girlfriend anymore thats just another type of the modern family. And this gives you the awesome oppertunity to tie it back to what you learned from your parents, how their sacrafices for you taught you lessons about family and inspired you to make the same sacrafices for your daughter.
I am good, but not as good as I could be. Your good at what? You are a good what? This is confusing.
I like tying it back together with your quote. But this last paragraph seems rushed. You should bring back some stuff about being a father and your family. You should also expand on why specifically you want to go to law school. Maybe not specifically, but wanting to help others seems like a generic statement.