Swapping personal statements

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
uwgbluedevil
Posts: 178
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 12:02 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby uwgbluedevil » Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:36 pm

raeq63 wrote:I need someone to critique/edit my personal statement. I would greatly appreciate it!

Please PM me


PM'd

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jdemmitt
Posts: 697
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:52 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jdemmitt » Wed Nov 10, 2010 10:43 pm

Looking to SWAP statements. I need relatively quick feedback. PM me and we can swap.

mtrl
Posts: 65
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:13 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby mtrl » Thu Nov 11, 2010 5:52 pm

Looking for a swap. Need a reader? PM me!

usfvictor
Posts: 153
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:51 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby usfvictor » Thu Nov 11, 2010 6:27 pm

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Last edited by usfvictor on Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

Crazzzybudha
Posts: 44
Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2010 11:33 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Crazzzybudha » Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:43 pm

I'm responding to the previous PS. I am trying to build some capital and good will so that when I finish mine some folks might help me out. I find it hard to write a PS. But as they say, it is easy to critize. And fun too. :-) So heres my review. Keep in mind I have no real english training and in fact spell so badly that my spell checker sometimes just gives up. Take my comments with a grain of salt, and seek a second opinion.

“ in hopes of the “American Dream”” pretty sure you need a verb in there. And I pretty sure you need hope, not the plural. How about “in hope of obtaining (or pursuing, or whatever)

I like the lessons, but you did not really explain how you learned them. Your friends were gone, and somehow that taught you two lessons that seem unrelated to losing friends.

“environment, where” I think should by “environment where,”

“I look back at those times and laugh” I don’t know why you laugh. Maybe you look back and are filled with pride and respect, love, or something. It seems strange to be laughing at your parents for having time for you.

“work a day in their lives”. I’m not a fan of the phrase. To me it sounds a little bitter and jealous. Also what follows that sentence has been established earlier and is redundant here. It just adds to the bitterness. I would suggest, rather than having an attitude of bitterness toward those who had it easy, focus on your own strengths, becoming mature and all that good stuff. This is supposed to be about you afterall, and is supposed to be demonstrating your strengths.

Congrads on being a Dad! Just a suggestion: I like that you brought up your initial resentment about having a child. I think I even like the minority statistic thing, but to a lesser degree. I don’t like that it seems that your total focus was on not being a minority statistic. Is the reason you want to go to law school just because you think that will prove that your not a minority statistic? Thats what Im getting out of it anyway

I do like that you bring up being a father. That is a great oppertunity to tie everything together. You can talk about how you overcame your negative feelings, saw your daughter for the first time and felt an overwheliming responsibility to her so she would have a good life and all that mushy stuff, and that you learned about family, even if your not with your girlfriend anymore thats just another type of the modern family. And this gives you the awesome oppertunity to tie it back to what you learned from your parents, how their sacrafices for you taught you lessons about family and inspired you to make the same sacrafices for your daughter.

I am good, but not as good as I could be. Your good at what? You are a good what? This is confusing.

I like tying it back together with your quote. But this last paragraph seems rushed. You should bring back some stuff about being a father and your family. You should also expand on why specifically you want to go to law school. Maybe not specifically, but wanting to help others seems like a generic statement.

btr77
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:40 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby btr77 » Fri Nov 12, 2010 3:15 pm

edit
Last edited by btr77 on Thu Nov 18, 2010 5:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jjlaw
Posts: 299
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:43 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jjlaw » Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:49 pm

..
Last edited by jjlaw on Fri Nov 19, 2010 6:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Lexyeva
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 1:41 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Lexyeva » Sat Nov 13, 2010 6:16 pm

Would someone be willing to critique my PS? I have been out of school for 4 years and working as an Accountant, and I have not had to do something like this in quite some time. I could really use the help! I, of course, will be willing to read your PS as well, but could only give general advice and not much related to grammar/structure. Thanks in advance.

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pebbles123
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 8:18 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby pebbles123 » Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:43 pm

I have a one-page, doubled-spaced diversity essay (of sorts). If anyone is willing to critique and/or swap please PM me.

Thanks!

eve2490
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:00 am

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Postby eve2490 » Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:15 pm

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Last edited by eve2490 on Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Nanosoft
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Nanosoft » Sun Nov 14, 2010 10:53 pm

eve2490 wrote:In need of critique tonight, PM me. I am VERY thorough and I will give you a lot of input if that's what you're looking for.


I gave you a pm, hope your still interested.

jd20132013
Posts: 997
Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 4:41 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jd20132013 » Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:30 pm

Anyone wants to swap PS please PM me.

thekid001
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed May 13, 2009 11:43 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby thekid001 » Tue Nov 16, 2010 8:28 pm

Is anyone up for a swap. PM me. I am trying to do this tonight.

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aesis
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:26 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby aesis » Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:04 pm

I'm down to swap.

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chrissyc
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby chrissyc » Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:48 am

i don't understand how people are so comfortable swapping personal statements. Why aren't people more afraid of plagiarism and that sort of thing? I'm not bashing anyone, just confused. I'd love for someone to read mine but I'm afraid.

JJDancer
Posts: 1564
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:41 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby JJDancer » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:23 am

chrissyc wrote:i don't understand how people are so comfortable swapping personal statements. Why aren't people more afraid of plagiarism and that sort of thing? I'm not bashing anyone, just confused. I'd love for someone to read mine but I'm afraid.

How is someone going to copy your PS about a parent passing away, or a job you had (if it's not on their resume)...
Also, you can create a thread to solicit some PMs and then maybe just respond to the people who are long time posters/have at least a couple hundred posts so that it's better than a "random/new" TLS-er. Obviously that's no guarantee, and I'm sure new people are very trustworthy but just saying. I would read yours. But I am swamped right now. PM me this weekend if you still need feedback.

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chrissyc
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby chrissyc » Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:29 am

JJDancer wrote:
chrissyc wrote:i don't understand how people are so comfortable swapping personal statements. Why aren't people more afraid of plagiarism and that sort of thing? I'm not bashing anyone, just confused. I'd love for someone to read mine but I'm afraid.

How is someone going to copy your PS about a parent passing away, or a job you had (if it's not on their resume)...
Also, you can create a thread to solicit some PMs and then maybe just respond to the people who are long time posters/have at least a couple hundred posts so that it's better than a "random/new" TLS-er. Obviously that's no guarantee, and I'm sure new people are very trustworthy but just saying. I would read yours. But I am swamped right now. PM me this weekend if you still need feedback.



Thanks...that would be extremely helpful actually and I would appreciate it tremendously. Your response makes perfect sense and it's a great idea.

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rbarcelo9
Posts: 537
Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:22 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby rbarcelo9 » Sat Nov 20, 2010 2:59 pm

Very interested in swapping PS. I am on my second draft and looking to submit sometime this week. PM me if you are interested.

JJDancer
Posts: 1564
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:41 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby JJDancer » Sat Nov 20, 2010 6:49 pm

Trying out a new topic. Looking to swap. PM me.
Thanks all. Shop is closed for any more swaps at this time. :)

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edgarfigaro
Posts: 244
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 4:53 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby edgarfigaro » Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:35 pm

Looking for a swap, PM me.

peterb0y
Posts: 102
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:48 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby peterb0y » Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:43 pm

Need someone to swap with, DS or PS; just pm me

Boulanger07
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:40 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Boulanger07 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:19 pm

PM to swap

sgp_lycee
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:35 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby sgp_lycee » Thu Nov 25, 2010 8:30 pm

Hello, I would really like for someone to rip into my PS or DS. PM me to swap.

jpg604
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:39 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jpg604 » Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:28 pm

If one of you would be willing to peruse my PS please let me know.

screenname123456789
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:17 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby screenname123456789 » Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:32 pm

pm me to swap PSs




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