Swapping personal statements

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
n_gal
Posts: 90
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2010 4:49 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby n_gal » Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:43 pm

If anyone is interested in swapping with someone still early in the process send me a PM, I scrapped my original idea and did a rewrite yesterday/today on a totally different topic so I'm interested in getting opinions on whether or not people think the topic works. I can return the favor

tipler4213
Posts: 634
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 11:16 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby tipler4213 » Thu Oct 21, 2010 2:18 pm

PM me for a swap. Also, if anyone feels like tearing it apart, I copied the very rough first draft below.

Clumsily rolling out of my half-deflated air mattress, I blindly fumbled around for my watch. Eyes still adjusting to the rays of the nascent morning sun, I pull the watch to my face and squint: 4:47 AM. “What on earth is that noise?” I stumble across my empty apartment, back aching from seventeen hours of driving the day before. Peering out the window, I spot my impromptu-alarm: a procession of Haitian men fervidly singing, dancing, and playing steel drums. In less than twenty-four hours I had stepped out of the meandering pace of suburban life in Alabama into the middle of the J’Ouvert Caribbean carnival. Welcome to Brooklyn. Welcome home.
To most people raised from Mountain Brook, Alabama, Brooklyn would not simply feel like another city, it would feel like another world. A subdivision of the epicenter of the 1960s civil rights struggle, Mountain Brook has remained virtually frozen in the 1950s. My high school graduating class of 337 had zero minorities and most students’ only exposure to diversity came through the bus line that shuttles the neighborhood maids and yardmen to and from their downtown apartments. In college, I sought every opportunity to branch out from the confines of my youth. Despite no prior experience in either subject, I found my niche in Global Relations and the French language, and following a successful immersion program in France, I decided to up the ante and apply for the US State Department’s Critical Language Scholarship for beginning Arabic. A week after returning from France, I was once again airborne over the Atlantic. Destination: Tunis, Tunisia.
Any confidence I had developed in my linguistic capabilities while in France vanished about thirty seconds into the first lesson when my professor informed me that my notebooks were upside down. How else could you write from right to left? Undeterred, I embraced the language and the culture. When I first walked in the neighborhood café, twelve stern faces whipped around to glare at me, making it quite clear that I had intruded on their sacred space. After I timidly settled into a seat in the corner, I was forced to wait 30 minutes for service. Finally, when the owner, Fasaal, begrudgingly left his game of chess and approached my table, he noticed my copy of the Al-Kitaab textbook on the table and mumbled a greeting in Arabic. When I responded with the customary reply and my order, the full extent of my Arabic at this point, he cracked a smile and began spouting of an incomprehensible cacophony of Arabic as I pleaded him to slow down. Finally, using my French fluency as a crutch, I explained to him that I had only been studying Arabic for three days!
Over the course of the summer we became quite close, gradually incorporating more and more Arabic into our conversations. After a few weeks my “usual” of tea and shisha, flavored tobacco, was waiting for me when I arrived for my nightly study session at the café. Those same twelve faces that met me so harshly the first night gradually softened and began to acknowledge my arrival with courteous nods. Nevertheless, four weeks into the program, not one had spoken to me despite the many evenings I was the only other customer. Their argumentative voices and the haze created from their bevy of shishas seemingly melded in as a part of the cafés décor. However, one night, they waived me over and asked if I would like to join their game of chess. Tentatively taking a seat and surveying the board in front of me, I took a long drag of shisha and started to plan my strategy when it hit me: this suburbanite Alabamian was now a Tunisian “regular”.
Returning to the lull of life in Mountain Brook, I quickly became “homesick” for the excitement of my last ten months abroad. However, when I awoke to the clamor of steel drums announcing the start of the J’Ouvert carnival on my first morning in Brooklyn, I knew I was once again home. Wedged in the juncture of Brooklyn’s Caribbean, Jewish, Russian, and Arab quarters, a short walk from my doorstep transports you from one culture to the next, a truly global community. Moreover, my position with the Chertoff Group has proven to be the perfect opportunity to work in a global context. Formed by the former Federal Appeals Court Judge and Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff, the group provides strategic security and risk management advice to governments and corporations in fields such as counterterrorism, cyber security, border security, and intelligence. This has provided me with the opportunity to work directly on complex legal matters of global significance, such as the planned mosque near the 9/11 Memorial, wiretapping of online service providers, and surveillance of suspected terrorists. Furthermore, while working for the coauthor of the Patriot Act, I am constantly exposed to the intricacies of the balance between individual liberties and national security.
My desire to pursue a career devoted to seeking the ever-elusive balance between security and the legal rights of citizens at home and abroad has led to my decision to apply for a dual degree at XXXXX law school. This truly unique degree option provides the perfect synthesis for my interests in international relations and law. Moreover, the educational environment at XXX, favoring classroom discussion and a globalized study of the law, perfectly match with my preferred learning style and career ambitions. I am also confident that my childhood experiences with racial injustice in Alabama, unique experiences abroad and in Brooklyn, and time with the Chertoff Group will allow me to make significant contributions to the diversified student body valued by XXXXX.

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aesis
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:26 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby aesis » Thu Oct 21, 2010 2:48 pm

I have a very polished 4th draft. PM me for swap.

gonzonater
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:24 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby gonzonater » Thu Oct 21, 2010 3:42 pm

I have a nearly complete essay, please PM for a swap! I'm looking to finish within the next few days

jjlaw
Posts: 299
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:43 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jjlaw » Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:39 pm

I can swap PS and/or DS with anyone. I'm 90% done with both. I can give you comments within two days after receiving your draft. Thanks!
Last edited by jjlaw on Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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northwood
Posts: 4872
Joined: Fri May 14, 2010 7:29 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby northwood » Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:59 pm

pm for a swap. im on revision 5, and i want to be done with this by the 29th. thanks !

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jnjohn86
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:34 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jnjohn86 » Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:15 pm

i'm on revision no. 4. PM for a swap. I'll gladly return the favor and have you PS back to you in about 2 days.

tipler4213
Posts: 634
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 11:16 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby tipler4213 » Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:57 pm

When are we going to be able to post new threads again? I want to feed mine to the wolves as its own thread....

In the meantime, PM me if you wanna swap. I will do it immediately if you get it to me before 5 Eastern time...(not much to do at work today)

forumadmin
Site Admin
Posts: 1398
Joined: Tue May 31, 2005 12:55 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby forumadmin » Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:13 pm

tipler4213 wrote:When are we going to be able to post new threads again? I want to feed mine to the wolves as its own thread....

You should be able to creat new threads again now.

williams55
Posts: 43
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:19 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby williams55 » Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:22 pm

Anyone want to swap personal statements? PM me!

I would really appreciate the feedback (:

novab
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:27 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby novab » Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:47 pm

I have a rough draft of my PS and am working on my DS (educational).

Would love to swap - PM me! Thanks so much!

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eliekedourie
Posts: 216
Joined: Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:27 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby eliekedourie » Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:17 pm

PM me for a swap. I've revised this a number of times and I'm looking for fresh eyes. I'm happy to offer my eyes in return.

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maroonzoon
Posts: 53
Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:38 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby maroonzoon » Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:06 pm

Looking for a swap here, near final. PM me

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JerrySeinfeld
Posts: 130
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:17 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby JerrySeinfeld » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:01 pm

PM for a swap. DS or PS

trudat15
Posts: 900
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:57 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby trudat15 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:42 am

Have a final draft ready, just looking for a last pair of eyes to look over any potential grammatical errors.

Thanks

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aesis
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:26 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby aesis » Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:27 am

Reworked mine. Language is pretty clear, just need to know whether the idea is clear.

PM for swap. Can get it to you same day.

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gdane
Posts: 12317
Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:41 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby gdane » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:58 am

Swap? Please.

Thanks!

RambleOn
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 1:12 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby RambleOn » Mon Oct 25, 2010 1:36 pm

Also interested in exchanging with a few people...hoping to get my apps out this week! PM me if you want to swap.

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JerrySeinfeld
Posts: 130
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:17 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby JerrySeinfeld » Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:43 pm

I just finished up revising my PS and would LOVE advice/feedback. If you want to swap, PM me!

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TruHoosier
Posts: 60
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 11:33 am

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby TruHoosier » Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:10 pm

I'm looking for a swap later tonight. PM me yours, and I will PM mine back. I'm on my third draft, close to finished, I think. I'm aiming for a T40 school.

I have degrees in journalism and English, and I've worked as an editor and writer for magazines and similar publications. While I'm only as familiar as the average applicant with the guidelines for writing a PS, I should be able to provide some good criticism on structure, word usage, flow, etc.

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kaftka juice
Posts: 97
Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:49 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby kaftka juice » Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:33 pm

i've got a ps that's mid-way done. no grammar issues now, just structure and topic. i just want to know if i should continue with what i'm doing or scrap for something new.

pm for a swap

kaftka juice offers the same day guarentee :wink:


EDIT: offer redacted due to decision to wait another year
Last edited by kaftka juice on Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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txadv11
Posts: 922
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:06 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby txadv11 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:02 pm

.
Last edited by txadv11 on Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

soniaj87
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:01 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby soniaj87 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:03 pm

I would love to trade!

soniaj87@gmail.com

MBC1989
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 8:28 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby MBC1989 » Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:48 pm

PM if you want to swap. Thanks!

jjlaw
Posts: 299
Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:43 pm

Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jjlaw » Tue Oct 26, 2010 6:39 pm

I would like to swap PS/DS, please. PS is more polished than DS, but I'd like to have my apps out this week. I can get back to you within the next day or so. Thanks!




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