Swapping personal statements

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
julius714

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby julius714 » Tue Jan 16, 2018 12:15 pm

Looking for feedback on my personal statement! If anyone wants to swap please PM me!

kimbisimba09

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby kimbisimba09 » Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:46 pm

Hello Everyone,

I am a bit behind on my personal statement. I am only posting a very rough draft of one I started. However, I strongly believe I am only rehashing my resume. I would appreciate it if anyone can take the time to read it and let me know what areas or experiences I should focus more on.

Thank you very much in advance


I became interested in studying International Relations and Human Rights through a combination of experiences and early influences that shaped my passions and life goals. This combination has now driven me to pursue a law degree, so I may be better prepared to serve toward the advancement of Human Rights efforts in Central America.

Since my teenage years, I participated in short-term transcultural missionary trips with my parents and different humanitarian organizations. These trips that taught me of the diversity that exists in this world. They helped me learn about people, countries, and the complexities engrained in different cultures. A lesson that I would otherwise not have had the chance to learn cooped up in a classroom. I also remember listening in awe to my father, a once Special Agent of the FBI, tell me stories about the work he did on a variety of cases and later on as a missionary/pastor. What I admired most about his work was the long-lasting impact it had on other people's lives. Since then, I knew that I wanted to commit my life to social justice.
I decided to pursue an undergraduate degree in Political Science with a concentration in International Relations from the University of Puerto Rico. As I initiated my academic journey, I developed an unquenchable desire to learn more about the role of International Development in the betterment of people's quality of life. For this reason, I pursued various opportunities that would expose me to this field. I participated in a study abroad program in Spain, a Congressional Internship in Washington D.C., and a US Department of State Internship at the US Embassy in El Salvador. However, this last experience helped shift my focus from community development to access to justice and human rights. Working at the US Embassy in San Salvador enabled me to gain substantial knowledge and experience in public diplomacy and community development but also exposed me first-hand to the painful reality many impoverished populations face: an unavoidable exposure to violence. People in El Salvador are overwhelmingly repressed and traumatized by years of violence and abuse due to control and attacks exerted by gangs. This fear, experienced by a large percentage of the world's poor, is a crucial factor in why the cycle of poverty is exacerbated.

After completing my undergraduate degree, I decided to go back to El Salvador to work with these vulnerable populations. During my time in the country, I designed a skills-building and empowerment project for survivors of abuse and sexual exploitation by the MS-13 and 18 street gangs in coastal communities of La Libertad and Tamanique. Working with these communities for over two years helped me understand that to produce tangible results that address their needs, I needed to continuously improve myself. I left El Salvador excited about strengthening violence prevention efforts in developing countries, and more hopeful than ever to do so in The United States which is one of the top destination countries for Latin Americans who have survived or are running away from violence and exploitation.

As the next step in my pursuit of the skills and tools necessary to be efficient in this field, I decided to study a graduate degree in Development Management from The School of International Service at American University. During this time, I have been able to engage in work related to human trafficking and gender-based violence. I traveled to Israel to work with XX, a non-profit organization that provides employment rehabilitation and skills training for survivors of human trafficking and sexual exploitation. There, I assisted management in the planning and design of their most recent social enterprise and reintegration program. During this past winter break, I travelled to Cambodia to participate in seminars on conflict resolution, anti-human trafficking initiatives, and intensive peacebuilding projects now implemented in post-genocide community development programs.

To consolidate everything that I was learning and to further explore the role of the justice system in this context, I decided to conduct my graduate capstone project with the International Justice Mission (IJM). This nonprofit organization works to prevent various forms of exploitation such as human trafficking and forced labor by strengthening local justice systems, providing reintegration services to survivors and prosecuting perpetrators. They are in the process of implementing a project in El Salvador, and I am currently helping to inform their sub-granting process within the country, and I will also be contributing to their Political Economy Assessment. Thus far, this has been a valuable opportunity to experience firsthand the intricacies of a lawyer's work to the combat against exploitation and human rights violations within the context of third world countries. As well as, to understand the day to day work required of them.

Additionally, my concentration in gender and human rights further informed me about the implications human rights violations have on a community's and country's development. Studying about the afflicted lives of the women who have survived sexual exploitation and gang violence has motivated me to gravitate towards the prosecution aspect of anti-trafficking/violence efforts. Moreover, in the light of the specific case of El Salvador, where the MS-13 gang somewhat decides the fate of the vulnerable populations and where 'iron fist' policies have been unsuccessful at addressing this phenomenon, dispute and conflict resolution seem to provide an avenue for diminishing violence and abuse in the country. For this reason, I desire to work with the intersectionality of these themes and have continually pursued to expose myself to more opportunities to understand the tools and strategies that might be put in place to deter violence and exploitation.

Because of my diverse background, my academic and professional aspirations, and after considering my commitment to this work and the next steps needed to accomplish this, I decided to apply to Loyola Law School. Studying here will provide me with the ideal setting to explore the established and emerging areas of International Criminal and Human Rights Law. The most appealing aspect of the Law School is its interdisciplinary approach, immersive learning, curriculum flexibility, and active engagement between theory and practice. Moreover, the courses offered as electives such as: Human Trafficking Seminar, and International Protection of Human Rights, entice me to the program. Furthermore, being able to participate and learn from the experiential opportunities provided in the International Criminal and Human Rights Law, such as the International Human Rights Clinic provide the perfect platform to be fully engaged and immersed in the field I am passionate about.

I find the opportunity to attend the Loyola Law School highly rewarding since it would allow me to combine my work and life experiences with my professional skills, passion and knowledge. I am confident the knowledge and experience I gained through academic coursework, internships, and travel will come alive studying at Loyola Law School. I firmly believe that with my critical thinking, leadership, communication, and team working skills, I will add significant value to the Loyola community. My passion for violence prevention and human ights, along with my upbringing and cultural roots have shaped me into the woman I am today. I feel confident that this opportunity will contribute substantially to my academic and professional goals while strengthening the skills specifically relevant to my long-term interest in this field. With the education received at Loyola Law School, I will strive to impact those around me positively while seeking to learn more about the complex and remarkable world in which we live. I kindly ask you to consider me as a valuable candidate.

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wmbuff

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby wmbuff » Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:37 pm

Search my post history for important information.

pohshade

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby pohshade » Thu Feb 15, 2018 5:06 pm

Would anyone want to swap personal statements? I'm a Native American woman applying for environmental law school. Would really appreciate some feedback.

Roadto180

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Roadto180 » Fri Feb 16, 2018 10:00 pm

If anyone wants to swap let me know! I should be done with mine tomorrow or on Sunday.

d1721

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby d1721 » Sun Feb 18, 2018 12:33 am

Does anyone want to swap? PM me!

ttl1989

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby ttl1989 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 5:19 pm

How do you send personal messages? It doesn't seem to be an option when you click on a user's profile.

Lawschoolhopeful42

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Lawschoolhopeful42 » Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:05 pm

Posting my first rough draft here for critiquing. Rip it to shreds! I’d appreciate any feedback. Is this even a good topic? I’m free to edit as well. PM me your statement.

[indent] As you drive down highway 9 in northwest (state) you will come upon a sign that says “(Town), Unincorporated.” Behind that you’ll see a beautiful brick church, two blocks of houses, then my parent’s house. That small town with nothing but a few houses, two stop signs, and 40 people is where I grew up. As the daughter of a second generation farmer and a math teacher, the importance of hard work was taught to my siblings and me at a young age. My brother and I raised a calf for several months when we were in grade school. We trekked out to the field where the calf was being kept through a foot or more of snow to bottle feed her. Although we hated almost every minute of it, when we each earned a couple hundred dollars after the calf was sold we knew all the hard work had been worth it.

[indent] The importance of hard work stayed with me as I continued through high school and college, although its effect on me changed dramatically. As a young girl, I looked up to my father. The dozens of hours of home videos that remain show how close we were. As a teenager however, I took my father pushing me to work hard and succeed as him saying I wasn’t good enough. I became afraid of him. I stopped talking to him for fear that he would find something wrong with me. This fear turned into a fear of talking at all. I performed well in school and joined as many activities as possible, but I had few friends and kept to myself. I wanted to be successful to prove to my father that he was wrong.

[indent] As I moved away to college this fear of my voice stuck with me. Forcing myself to attend a large university where I knew no one pushed me out of my shell. I made friends. I joined clubs. I proved to myself I was capable of succeeding in the big pond. When I ran for Vice President of my business fraternity I showed up to elections in a suit with a binder full of my plans for the fraternity’s future. As I sat waiting to give my speech I couldn’t help but silently thank my father for making me the most prepared person in the room. My sophomore year of college I attended a week long leadership conference. During a group discussion a fellow attendee told me that although I didn’t talk much, when I did speek it was well thought out and she wanted to listen. Again I had to thank my father for making me more aware of my words.

[indent] Through my experiences I came to realize my father hadn’t been hard on me because he thought something was wrong with me. He pushed me because he knew I was capable of more than attending the local community college and returning home to live with my parents. A fate that was very common in my small home town. Im not afraid of my father anymore. More importantly I’m not insecure about myself or my voice. Since the day I decided to go to law school I have never questioned that decision. I know I am on the right path and I have my father and that bottle calf to thank.

lauriewang

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby lauriewang » Fri Aug 31, 2018 11:13 pm

Anyone wants to swap? I've done several PS reviews for others and they think my suggestions are detailed & helpful. if you're interested please PM me :)

P.S. I'm an international student so probably I can't give you much advice on the language. However I my sense of organization and arrangement of articles is not bad :p (based on previous feedbacks)

privatemember2012

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby privatemember2012 » Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:08 pm

Anyone looking to swap PS's or have some spare time to look over mine? Please PM me - would be super grateful!

jessicaroberts327

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jessicaroberts327 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:54 pm

I would love to trade! Just PM me.

jemichel28

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jemichel28 » Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:59 pm

Hi All,
Here are my PS & DS. Anyone willing to critique? I Also down for a swap if you want to PM me. I'm a strong writer/editor, just need other eyes on my own work.

PS:


I left New York in 2009 for sunny central Florida. I was still undocumented, but newly married and hopeful. I deferred admission to Hunter College intending to return a year later ready and able to attend school. In fact, that is what happened, but the timeline was different than I anticipated. My five years in Florida were filled with professional and personal growth. I earned my 20-44 Resident Personal Lines insurance license, worked for one of the world’s largest public insurance companies, and completed my associate degree. I overcame my fear and learned to swim so that I could complete my first triathlon with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in memory of my grandfather. I learned how to repair and restore a 1986 Lincoln Town Car and jumped out of an airplane from 18,000 feet. I experienced the highs and lows of marriage and divorce, but also the unity and support of friends and family. I finally adopted a Husky.

I also became familiar with legal injustice. In July 2013—a year after the death of Trayvon Martin and during the trial of George Zimmerman—I was pulled over for speeding. I was sure that I was under the speed limit, but the officer seemed determined to issue me a ticket that would have resulted in points on my license. Despite my anger, I remained calm in the presence of the officer. I could not afford a lawyer, but I was determined to fight the ticket. I studied Florida’s rules of procedure and filed a motion for discovery. I requested the dash cam footage and specifications of the patrol car and the test and maintenance records of the laser unit used to determine my speed. I pulled the arrest and ticket history of the officer and the traffic surveys of the street on which I was pulled over. I lost in court, but the judge and officer both commended my research and argumentation. I appealed the decision on the grounds that the judge had allowed the officer to present dash cam footage with additional metrics that were not made available to me in discovery, and I won when the case was dismissed.

Later that year I lost control of my vehicle in a storm, totaling the car and injuring myself. Hurt and scared, I noticed a patrol car a block away and approached the officer for help. I was cited for leaving the scene of an accident and driving without insurance because I was too shaken up to unlock my phone to present my digital insurance card and could not locate my physical card in the wreck. This time, due to the seriousness of the charges, I hired a lawyer who took a deal agreeing to a lesser charge in my absence. Upset and also emboldened by my previous victory, I dismissed my lawyer and filed a motion to reopen and rehear the case. This time the judge dismissed the charges at the initial hearing and issued an apology. He also advised me that I had better put my skills to some use as an attorney, which gave me food for thought.

When I returned to New York in 2014, it was with a renewed purpose. Having watched the DREAM Act languish and deportations mount–even as my own situation improved—I took action. I began volunteering my time at rallies and know your rights workshops in my community. I was soon elected as a Democratic Committee Representative and a member of my local Board of Education where I began advocating for the immigrant population in my town. Working alongside local immigrants’ rights organizations, I successfully sponsored a Municipal ID program, district-wide Know Your Rights Training for educators and staff, and a new safe haven procedure for our schools to protect undocumented parents and children. I met lawyers working to help immigrants, fighting for civil rights and social policy changes, and working within their communities to effect change. They gave me the confidence to embrace my future as an attorney, and plan. I saved and returned to school. Throughout my time at Hunter, I have relished my time in the classroom studying sociology. However, I have not been satisfied with theorizing about the problems in society; I know my future mission is to help fix them. Never have I felt as sure about my next steps as I do today, as I apply to law school.

DS:

My mother emigrated to the United States when I was nine years old and I went to live with my grandparents in Alley, a small sugarcane town in Clarendon, Jamaica. I revered my grandfather. He was Cannonball to grandma and “Maas Cannon” to our neighbors, but to me he was just Papa. Papa had a way of making people feel understood and of finding lessons in experiences as he helped talk them through their problems. I began caring for Papa after he was diagnosed with Leukemia. “Once a man, twice a child”, he would joke as I changed his diapers. He had become battle worn and feeble, a far cry from the strapping carpenter and factory worker who used to change my diapers, but even as he drew his last breath in my arms Papa taught me what it meant to be fulfilled by a life lived richly despite one’s struggles.

When I first moved to the United States I saw nothing but opportunity. My family had always set high expectations for me, and I had long internalized those expectations and set a few of my own by the time I was thirteen years old. I wanted to be a veterinarian. I knew it would take ten years of school—and I would cut it down to eight were it not for the fact that I also planned to pursue a Ph.D. My goal was to be twice a doctor by the time I was twenty-five; nothing could stop that. Being a fourteen-year-old varsity debater, All-State Choir member, and playing two sports while also working weekends to help my mother was my normal. Being a debate team captain, qualifying for the Tournament of Champions, singing at Carnegie Hall, and being a starting linebacker for the football team at fifteen while still working in between football and debate Summer camps was me simply living my best life.

To many people, I was an overachieving teen. The truth is that I experienced the very real effects of culture shock as I tried to adjust to high school as the new kid, or “Sanka” (after the “Cool Runnings” film character), and my grades began to suffer. My social studies teacher, Mrs. McLean strongly suggested I join the debate team. Debate would become both the outlet and the safe place I needed. Our coach Abdul reminded me of my grandfather and quickly became my mentor. I had been dealing with the death of my grandfather with stoicism. As I grew older, emotions began to surface and I began to lash out. Martial Arts helped me control my outbursts but not process my emotions. In my Junior year, Mrs. Vogt convinced me to write about my experience for the school magazine. The process of writing and editing my story proved to be cathartic, and the way others later identified with my story helped me realize I was not alone.

It is difficult to describe the crushing impact of learning that I was a sixteen-year-old illegal immigrant and that college and the future I had planned were suddenly out of reach. I learned about my mother’s sacrifices; the risks she took every day. I understood why she worked for abusive bosses and sometimes cried after returning with groceries from what I later learned was the food pantry. My grandfather’s words became a mantra: “Don’t say you can’t…it might take your whole life, but you can”. I vowed to find a way to attend college and make a better life for my family. I read everything I could on immigration law and policy. Frustrated with being exploited, I started my own small business venture in event planning and promotions in 2005.

On January 10th, 2017 I became a US citizen. I decided three things on that day: to make my voice count, to help my mother on her immigration journey, and to return to school so that I may help others. “Adversity builds character” Papa used to say. I have weathered many storms and waded through the muddy waters of anxiety, frustration, hopelessness, and fear. Overcoming my struggles has meant not just fighting on my own, but also acknowledging my weaknesses and sometimes leaning on others. I have learned never to be ashamed to ask for or admit to needing help. My mother’s sacrifices opened opportunities, the kindness of strangers kept me on my path and my own struggles revealed my strength. It has been over sixteen years since I was told that college was out of reach. My goals may have changed, but my resolve has grown stronger.

Bioverse7140

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby Bioverse7140 » Mon Jan 28, 2019 7:45 pm

Hey everyone,

This is my first time applying to law school and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to take a quick peek at my personal statement. I understand if there are some grammatical and structural issues, but I really want to know if this is going in the right direction or if I should include or remove something that would enhance or ruin my PS. I will be censoring some information on here as it may give away some personal information about me and I'm not exactly a fan of giving information that would pinpoint who I am. I really wanted to showcase my research experience in my field and wanted to relate it to the law since it is a research-heavy endeavor and show I am capable of performing well in law school. Let me know what your opinions are, I am welcome to any form of criticism be it, "I like it but it could use a little more tweaking," too, "law schools won't care about this statement, trash it because it is trash."

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I felt the silk web clasp onto my face as I walked through the tall grasses on the side of the mountain. I paused and could feel something crawl up my skin, something that had eight legs and eight eyes. I looked at my hand and saw a beautiful rainbow colored jumping spider. The average person would normally try to swat it off or scream, but a sense of excitement came over me. It was at this point I said to my colleague and advisor that this would be the best place to stop and begin collecting arachnids for our research. I reached into my bag to grab my quadrat sampling tool, placing it on the soil while brushing aside bushes and shrubs, I set the timer for collection, and went to work finding spiders, harvestmen, ticks, and even pseudoscorpions. After returning to my lab to begin my analysis and research on the freshly collected arachnids, it dawned on me how arachnology shares its process to legal studies along with its practice as well. Writing, research, and analysis are some of the keys to success in the legal field, and arachnology requires these elements for success. Overall, this experience was a challenging one, but exciting and rewarding nonetheless.

The most interesting aspect of arachnology is that it brought me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to get my hands dirty in something that I never fully understood before. Initially, I was terrified of spiders, until I read more about arachnids in my Ecology class when my current research advisor took it over and became fascinated by how their consumption of insects aid in controlling trophic levels, preventing environmental damage. To being my first ventures in arachnological research, I conducted an arachnid assessment out at the ------------------, a place that was heavily affected by the --------------------- over the course of a hundred years, to determine how the impact of -------- pollution would impact the biodiversity of arachnid populations. Spending time here made me lean towards observing the aesthetic beauty of the mountain, with its duality of half lush forest and the other half barren. One of the desires in my life is to protect the land and prevent unnecessary harm to it, and I feel after viewing both the science and policy sides of the environment, the law would best suit my interests.

Part of the reason why I loved this project was because of the attention to detail necessary to identify arachnids. First, I needed to have a complete understanding of arachnid anatomy, which I studied before conducting the project and understand the definition of a different body part with its description. Next, a thick taxonomy book would provide certain rules and steps required for proper identification; however, this guide would be useless without prior knowledge on arachnid anatomy. The challenging part of the project comes when I would have to look into the microscope and observe the specimen’s eyes, legs, genitals, coloration, various appendages, etc. The reason is that it’s challenging to ascertain the correct body parts along with determining the different variations of each body part when reviewing sketches from taxonomy textbooks, leading me to make inferences based on the current evidence. The difference between two almost identical species could mean the difference of a centimeter in a segment of one leg. The law requires this attention to detail and being able to spot the minute differences between something and to make inferences based on past information in a case.

After a few months of researching arachnids, I became further engrossed in the topic and decided to conduct my honors thesis on them. This thesis would allow me to study the harvestmen, “a.k.a. daddy long legs” and review a poorly studied family known as the Cosmetidae. Throughout the project, my goals are to assist in reworking the families’ phylogenetic tree, due to previous taxonomic issues apparent since the fifties. This new endeavor in identification would require me to learn new concepts from genetics, a class that I regretfully could never take due to scheduling conflicts. This is because describing a new species properly requires DNA testing to prevent the issue of improper identification of a similar species. Furthermore, I will provide an in-depth description of a new species from the families’ genus, Erginulus, along with naming a brand new species from the families’ genus. I plan on naming it after my Ecology professor and advisor who encouraged me to major in Environmental Science, Dr. -------, who passed away last year, naming it Erginulus ----------- in honor of him. Even though it is known that this family of harvestmen has taxonomic issues, I will still have to defend my thesis showcasing why prior identifications are wrong, along with the reasoning as to why Erginulus ------------ is a new species. Much like the law, I would have to provide evidence for the new species to an honors panel, much like a jury, and persuade them that my research holds ground, and will hopefully be published in a scientific journal.

Similar to the law, arachnology requires precise language, the ability to point out holes and come up with new studies that solve issues of arachnids pertaining to its biology or taxonomy. These skills were conveyed in my final term paper for my senior seminar class which focused on two popular Amazonian spiders, the Brazilian Wandering Spider, and the Goliath-Bird eating spider. I enjoyed this paper immensely because of the unique, yet scarce material on these two spiders, leading me to learn more about arachnid biology and the Amazon Rainforest itself. The objective of this paper was to provide a background on these spiders and what they are known for in a concise, scientific manner. Next, I conducted a literary review, pointing out flaws and gaps in studies along with comments to improve their research, similar to how attorneys point out flaws and inherent problems in a contract, statute, ruling, etc. The best part of the paper was coming up with my own research projects and applying past research along with my new ideas that could remedy current mysteries of arachnids such as venom production for medicines and evaluate their potential to regenerate hairs to improve their defenses. Solving an unsolved issue has something that always excited me, which is why the aspect of case laws intrigues me.

The skills needed for law schools are skills that I use every day in my ongoing research, and I love every minute of it whether it be analysis, research, writing, or demonstrating my work. Overall, I always enjoy learning something new and do my best to take on new challenges. I’ve never let anything stop me from enhancing my own knowledge and bettering myself. The law is ever changing, requiring to always and be committed to learning new concepts no matter what. With the law, it will perhaps lead me to my goals in aiding the environment; however, I am always willing to delve into new areas and try new things.

jdawn0711

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby jdawn0711 » Fri Feb 08, 2019 1:40 pm

I am extremely interested in having someone look over my personal statement and/or swapping personal statements.
If you want to follow the link I have attached or you can email me at jdawn0711@gmail.com we can swap personal statements. I am currently applying to law schools in NC. Thank you in advance!

V/R.
Jessica


https://docs.google.com/document/d/1reJX6pLpedn1D0T1mTg_JFr5KgmAsEbyfYsoAWEzGsE/edit?usp=sharing

RosaMystica

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Re: Swapping personal statements

Postby RosaMystica » Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:41 pm

Hey! If anyone wants to swap, PM me, I'll give some good criticism in return for another set of eyes on mine :).



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