Swapping personal statements Forum

[arism87]

Hi all! I'm interested in swapping personal statements-- mine has been sent to a few places but before I aim higher I want it to be as perfect as possible! For what it's worth, I am 3.8/172 who worked on my school's paper-- huge grammar nazi. Please PM me if you're interested!

[BigBuckey]

I posted a previous version here. It was pretty much a re-hash of my resume with references to my Christian beliefs and my family. Here, I have chopped out much irrelevant information and added a common theme (I hope) of being a hard worker. Please be critical.

---------------Begin Personal Statement-------------
I was raised on a farm by my dad, grandparents, and uncle; none of them worked in the city except my dad, who is a barber. My time as a child was spent working the soil and tending to the animals. I learned the virtue of hard work at a young age, which has driven me through life and has pushed me to excel in everything that I attempt.

I enrolled at Amarillo College to study biblical theology and to evaluate my career goals. At Amarillo College, I learned how to skillfully write research papers, study the Greek New Testament, and communicate effectively. I was introduced to political science and law, which created in me an interest to continue studying those subjects. I realized that I wanted to help people in the Texas Panhandle with their legal problems, especially farmers and ranchers. The desire to study the legal system overwhelmed me, and when I graduated with honors from Amarillo College, I registered at West Texas A&M University with joy and enthusiasm.

My experience at West Texas A&M affirmed and increased my desire to study law. I became fascinated with the things that make America great—the Constitution, its framers, and the hard working men and women who have shaped this nation into what it is today. I acquired an interest in political philosophy and am working through publishing a research paper on Jean Calvin’s political thought in Politics, Bureaucracy, & Justice, West Texas A&M’s journal for the social sciences. I also had the opportunity to serve as an intern at the Panhandle Regional Planning Commission, where I got to see public administration in action. I designed and developed their website and laid the groundwork for the hazard mitigation plan renewals by analyzing and following the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s guidelines.

The values that were instilled in me from a young age, such as hard work and dedication to family, have stuck with me my entire life. Throughout my college and university career, I have maintained a job and worked at least twenty hours per week. I took no less than twelve hours of classes per semester. I was an excellent student, remaining at the top of my class by studying diligently and putting effort into writing. I currently have three children and another on the way. My wife and children are my motivation to succeed and cause me to work even harder.

I was hired by Enviro-Ag Engineering in 2007 to build their website. My job was supposed to be temporary. Instead, I have become a valuable asset to the company. I have built the company website, provided support for over twenty employees and two offices by solving countless technical problems, and created a custom web-based time and project management system using state-of-the art Microsoft technologies. I have written tens of thousands of lines of code, mastered new technologies as they have arisen, and rebuilt a server after a crash in one day with no loss of data. Enviro-Ag provides engineering, compliance, and permitting services to dairies and feedlots around the Texas panhandle and in the Stephenville area. These facilities produce thousands of tons of manure and millions of gallons of wastewater that they apply to their crops as fertilizer. While this certainly aids the plants by supplying an organic fertilizer, there are strict federal and state regulations concerning the amount of nitrogen and phosphorus that can be applied in order to prevent groundwater contamination. I am currently in the final stages of implementing a web based data management solution for these facilities that will allow them to know how much nitrogen and phosphorus they have applied to date and how much they are allowed to apply. This system will not only save the dairy and feedlot industry time and money, it will aid in the prevention of groundwater contamination.

I have the intellect, experience, and determination that is necessary to excel in a rigorous law school program. More importantly, I am impelled by my love for God, my family, and my fellow human beings. This love is the foundation of my desire to be an attorney—I want to love people by helping them through their struggles within the legal system in the same way that I would want to be helped.
-------------------End Personal Statement--------------

I have a 3.8, but only scored a 156 on the June 2010 LSAT and will be applying to law schools in Texas (Tech, Baylor, UT(?), SMU).

[trudat15]

Anyone shooting for T14 interested in a swap?

[TOMaHULK]

I have made several revisions within the past 3 days. I'll be online all day, PM if you want to swap.

[sergeantpzr]

Rewrote my essay entirely. Any T14 T6sers or anyone want to swap, please let me know.

[TOMaHULK]

I need to swap my newest revision today. Hoping to work on it some more. Please PM me yours and I'll send mine your way. Thanks

[GettingReady2010]

Officially ready to swap. Send me a PM.

[silly101]

i have a Why X if anyone wants to swap
(just a page of reading!) ha

[TOMaHULK]

Hey guys, I'm swapping today. Please PM me yours and I'll PM you mine back in return. I'm looking to head towards the final revisions of my PS. Would love comments on flow, paragraph positioning, and effectiveness of intro/closing.

[kayljsh]

I would love to swap with anyone. I'm looking for grammar, word choice, phrasing help more than thoughts on content (but those are appreciated too).

I'm hoping to complete my applications very soon, so I'll be super quick in returning my thoughts on yours!

[TOMaHULK]

Online all day. Would like to have comments on grammar/etc. Trying to finish it up. PM me-thanks.

[Jenny17]

Hello. PM me to swap PS's. Be brutal in your critique. Thanks.

[jborn]

Just finished up my second draft, would love to swap via PM. I'll send first ofc due to my low post count

[TOMaHULK]

Guys I'm trying to wrap mine up.

I need help with the following items:

-I need to cut it by a sentence
-I need a last review of my grammar

Please PM me and we can swap.

[glacierfrost]

Hi, need some feedback on my statement. I can help edit yours too. PM me or send me your email. Thanks!

I plan to send my app on October 1st!

[Cmoss]

just finished my first attempt looking for some serious grammatical help.

[joshua1415]

Hi. I'm new here but just got my personal statement done. I would love to swap with someone if interested. Please e-mail yours to me: joshua1415@live.missouristate.edu, and then I will send mine your way. Thanks

[TOMaHULK]

Trying to wrap this up today guys/girls. Will be online today, please PM if you can help me with:

-cutting out a sentence
-giving a thorough sweep of grammar for me

Will be willing to help you in any way possible too.

Thanks,

Tom

[LHC]

I'm looking for a fresh perspective on my recently completed first draft. Please PM me or send an email to lisahollchang@gmail.com.

P.S. I worked for five years as a copy editor and writer, so I can be a great help on grammar, phrasing, word choice, etc.

[Ford Prefect]

Trying to decide whether to use the ps I used last year or scrap it for a new one. Out of 18 schools, I was accepted at two, waitlisted at 12 and denied 4. Decided to wait another year, and not sure if the ps helped or hurt. I also applied at the end of the cycle (Feb LSAT). I'd be willing to swap statements - I'm a poor judge of my own writing ability but I am a solid editor (English teacher). PM if you want to swap/edit. Thanks.

[UCLAorbust]

Question.......I have made my resume, but don't see any threads on here that can give me some critical input on it. Do any of you know where I can get some free feedback? Or are any of you resume-savvy and willing to take a look at it? PM me if yes........

[hiddenfist]

Anyone want to swap PS? Or just look at mine?

Thanks!

[stl]

Would anyone like to swamp personal statements? Or just look at mine. Preferably a grammar nazi. Thanks!

[egilb]

Any other Notre Dame applicants? I need some critical feedback on my optional ND essay. I'd be happy to swap anything--doesn't need to be a ND essay. I was an English major, and I can help with grammar and punctuation. PM me if interested!

[lalalawya]

Anyone want to swap a personal statement with me? I actually have two that vary greatly and am trying to decide which one I should run with....they are about a page and a half (single-spaced) each. I will read yours as well! Private message me if interested.

Thank ya