Swapping personal statements Forum

[unknown]

Anyone wanna check mine out or swap with me I promise I have a semi interesting story pretty please?

[horriblegb]

I would like to swap, or have read, my diversity statement. PM me por favor

[dontworrybehappy]

I'm about 60 percent done with my draft and want some feedback so I know how to proceed. I will definitely give you feedback on yours as well. Please PM me if interested. Thanks.

[J Burrito]

Anyone want to swap? PM me! Working on my 3rd draft, hoping to send it out before the 15th!! Thanks!

[cherylcelery]

swap please! pm me.

[Donttazemebro]

Anybody looking to swap? pm me

[rhapsodyinazul]

Anyone still up for a swap? Pm por favor...

[njskatchmo]

.

[rexroman3]

Thanks for reading and replying to my DS if you have time



There were no lawyers, doctors, nurses, judges, police officers or politicians in my family when I was growing up. Instead there were ex convicts, murderers, drug addicts, manic depressants, alcoholics, life long welfare recipients, child abusers, and domestic violence victims. There was no stability, kindness, support, understanding or emotional nourishment during my childhood that contributed to the thought of a successful, rewarding future. Instead there was the violence of a drug addicted, child molesting, convicted felon father and the experience of bullet ridden, knife stabbing, drug dealing, gang infested neighborhoods. Regardless of what makes up my past I was able to use what was there and what was not there to motivate, direct and ensure my life did not end up as another dismal statistic.

I used the fact that I was homeless twice, as a motivator to value what I create emotionally, spiritually, and mentally as apposed to materialistic items found in life.

I used the fact that CBS made a made for television movie about my families homeless journey as a reminder that everyone must hear how shelters run by religious organization like the one that helped my family get off the streets, do and can make a difference in society long after the initially help is given. ( HOME SWEET HOMELESS CBS school break special Roxanne Captor/Producer/1989)

I used the fact that I witnessed my aunt nearly decapitated with the swing of a machete by her ex husband as a motivator to denounce all forms of violence against women.

I used the fact that my father would beat me (with belts, fists, golf clubs, 2X4's), molest me, use drugs and alcohol in my presence(heroin, cocaine, PCP, marijuana, and acid) , to develop an unyielding zero tolerance policy with drugs, child abuse, and sexual assault.

I used the fact that I moved 5 times in the 6th grade which caused me to go from honors and gifted classes to remedial coursework as a plea to all parents to provide stability for their children during all stages of their school experience.

I used the fact that my family would get groceries from food banks as the fuel for my love of sharing and providing food to all those who come to my house or are in need of a good meal.

All the facts of my past were used to move on. To move on to serve successfully in the United States Army and receive an Honorable Discharge. To move on and maintain exciting and experience-rich employment my entire life. To move on to be the second person from my childhood to graduate from High School, first to earn a four year degree, and first to earn a graduate degree. To move on to use my diverse ethnic and socioeconomic background to disseminate the proof and the idea that moving on to a successful life is possible for anyone, from any situation, at every stage of life.

[madcherrylimas]

This is my first time posting on here, take what I have to say with a grain of salt. You clearly have a very interesting story to tell, but it's important to remember that the PS isn't necessarily about showing how you've overcome things in life. First and foremost, the way I see it, it's about why you deserve to be a law school student.

Along those lines you need to answer this: Why do you want a law degree? What assets/capabilities, besides motivation and surviving a tough childhood, would you bring to their law school?

Two key pieces of advice my friends gave me while proofreading my statement, which I hope to swap with someone at some time, are these:
1. Show, don't tell. (I know it's said a lot, but it's true. Try showing the things you've overcome, instead of listing them).

2. And in the form of a question: Which do you think readers prefer? A TV miniseries, with lots of different little stories going on, all kind of leading towards the same end but exploring many different avenues, OR the Oscar winning feature film, with one main storyline and a clear character arc?

[rexroman3]

Great feed back .. thank you for taking the time to read and respond!

[even2flow]

Well, I just punched out a draft of my PS, so if anyone would like to trade, I'd be willing to give a read through for grammar or content if someone would be just give mine a read through to tell me if they think I'm on the right track. Just drop me a PM.

Thanks in advance.

[efs410]

I would like to swap with someone today. I am actually done my PS but need help w/ a short GPA addendum. I would be willing to swap with anyone who needs a PS edit. Thanks.

[Splittsburgh]

I am also looking to swap, and will go over any I receive immediately when I get off work tonight.

[earlgrey]

I'm willing to swap personal statements with someone. Feel free to message me.

[PhinsFan]

Well, I just punched out a draft of my PS, so if anyone would like to trade, I'd be willing to give a read through for grammar or content if someone would be just give mine a read through to tell me if they think I'm on the right track. Just drop me a PM.

Thanks in advance.

I'll read it if you'll read my DS. Send it along.

[lawRaider]

willing to swap with anyone who needs help.

[CindyG909]

I'd love to swap with anyone. The sooner the better. I'm a copy editor by trade, so I'll be especially thorough with grammar and punctuation. For mine, I'm looking more for feedback on content and flow and overall impact, though of course I'd welcome grammatical corrections. It's difficult to see your own writing errors, even when you are a copy editor.

[lsathalon]

I am hoping to submit my Columbia app this afternoon; if anyone is available to swap before tonight, that would be amazing! I would be happy to swap after tonight, as well, for my other schools.

[ruthtisdale]

Hey can anyone swap with me? I'm on my third draft, and I want to start sending out next week. Please help!

[noshi]

Anyone want to have a look at my final draft..... positive comments/critics are greatly appreciated....

"Open the door." A voice thundered outside our house.
"Open it, hey you." Another person shouted and then, we heard loud bang, bang on the front door. Several people started to knock heavily and the voices outside got louder and louder as the crowd outside grew. Tucked inside the house in my bedroom, I could now hear a regular chanting of "God is great, kill these non-believers,and burn their house."
At four years of age, all this commotion had woken me up from my afternoon nap and even though, I didnt fully understand what was going on, my parents concerned faces alarmed me. I quickly ran to my dad and clung to his leg.

When the chanting and door banging grew louder and people started to throw stones inside the house, my parents took me and my two younger siblings to the back of the house. I heard our neighbors quiet whisper from the other side of the wall (we shared with them), Hand them to us. At this, my father picked me up and put me on his shoulders. The trust and confidence in his eyes assured me that everything was going to be alright. One by one, my father handed me and my siblings over the wall into the hands we knew very well. However, in the past, we used to go to their house from the front door.

Fearing for their lives, soon my parents also joined us at our neighbors place. We had to hide in the barn, lying low and as quiet as we could for two consecutive days before it was safe for us to escape in the dark of night. Looking back, I can clearly see how these two days changed forever my outlook on life. At a very young age, I had witnessed dual faces of humanity; on one hand, I saw real evil (in form of the blood thirsty mob) and on the other hand, there were real angels (our neighbors who gave us shelter in time of need).

The reason behind all this commotion had to do with my familys affiliation with a minority religious group. It was 1974 and the government, to appease the powerful majority religious groups, passed legislation outlawing practice of several minority religions. Encouraged by this development, religious leaders of the majority groups declared war on our community and guaranteed direct entry to heaven to any followers who would kill one of us. Every member of our group lived under great fear and in schools, college, malls, buses; we had to be on the constant look out for each other.

Growing up under these tough circumstances (which included couple more toned down versions of the mob scene I described earlier), I inherited high hopes and dreams from my parents and wished to be in a position to help my community. Hence, I focused on my studies and developed the strong desire to pursue higher education (against societal norms).

While I was intrigued by the idea of pursuing a career in law or social work, these careers which involved interaction with public and extensive field work were considered unthinkable for dignified women in Pakistan. I ended up choosing Psychology major for my undergraduate and graduate studies. Since I found study of human mind quite fascinating, my hope was that an understanding of its inner workings will help me in my quest to make a difference.

During my stay at university, once again, I was subjected to extreme forms of discrimination in that nobody wanted to eat with me at the same table, sit nearby, or be friends with me. In these difficult circumstances, I learned how to stand tall by putting my best foot forward and giving my all in everything I took part in. As a result, not only I excelled academically but I also engaged heavily in extra-curricular activities; for example, I chaired the Language Club, worked as Head Copy Editor at the university newspaper, participated and hosted several speech and poem contests, and won the best speech contest in a local Radio station.

In early 1990s, Canadian government took notice of my communitys plight and offered a helping hand by inviting us to migrate to Canada. For the sole purpose of safeguarding the future of their children, my parents decided to migrate to Canada.

We came to Canada with a lot of hope and beautiful dreams. Here, we had an opportunity to experience the real meaning of freedom. We were not going to be persecuted for our beliefs and no longer were we afraid to go to sleep and wake up to a mad chanting of get out of our town, etc.

I re-started my education and now free of all the terrible prejudices, Im proud to say that I was able to experience true joy and fulfillment in both my professional as well as personal life. My career as an electrical engineer at Xerox Canada bears witness to the fact that I am a person who is self-motivated, hard-working, and sincere. I worked there for over 9 years with such zeal and dedication that my supervisors would give examples of my hard-work to motivate my fellow employees.

On the personal life front, four years ago, birth of my twin girls brought tons of joy along with a whole set of new challenges to my life. To concentrate on raising them, I put my corporate career on a temporary hold and decided to pursue a more flexible role as a Realtor.

Over the last few years, through my real estate and charity work, Ive had a chance to work with abused South-Asian women. It has been a surprising experience to hear the extreme level of suppression most of these women were regularly subjected to despite the fact that they were in Canada, a land of freedom and prosperity. In my efforts to help them break away from abusive relationships, I realized that very little culture-specific support existed in Canadian judicial system for these women; and that was real demand for counselors and lawyers with whom these women could relate to on a cultural level without any language barriers.

This was the exact point in my life at which I became seriously interested in pursuing a law career. Along with my strong interest in being able to help individuals fight for their rights, I felt that I had the strong, fair-minded, and driven personality required for a successful law career.

The incident that cemented my desire to pursue a law career took place two year ago. I was cooking when the door bell rang. Urgency in the bell made me rush to the door. Upon opening the door, I found my younger sister with her two years old son standing there, with bruises on her face. Her disheveled appearance immediately raised alarm bells in my head. It turned out that her newly immigrated husband had physically assaulted her. We needed to find her expert advice. Her preference was to look for a female lawyer who was familiar with the culture and traditional rituals, someone she could relate to and feel comfortable with. However, despite of our efforts, we were unable to find a single female lawyer in our community.

With a lot of support from her family, my sister emerged out of her crisis as a stronger person. She completed her Bachelors (in Economics). Currently, she is well on her way to achieving professional and personal success and in the process, becoming a well-functioning, fully contributing member of society. However, although my sister has had a happy ending, a lot of other abused women dont have a well functioning support system. It is my strong desire to be able to help these women achieve a similar level of success, freedom and joyful feelings that I have had the privilege to experience.

Having been subjected to prejudices, inhumane treatments, and life-threatening situations, I feel that I would make an excellent lawyer. I promise to work tirelessly towards ensuring that I stand against all types of injustices and work towards re-asserting equal rights for weak and vulnerable individuals. So that hopefully one day, my children along with everyone elses, can live peacefully without worrying about that ominous knock (or banging) on the door waiting to disrupt the course of their lives. Please give me a chance to make my mark. I promise you will not regret it!

[tlt3900]

Interesting story Noshi. In the last paragraph, you re direct from telling a story to speaking directly to the admissions committe, pleading for a chance in law school. I'm not sure this paragraph is needed. Do you have a page limit on your personal statement? The universities I'm looking at limit the statement to 3 pages.

[tlt3900]

If anyone wants to swap PS, please PM me.

[noshi]

Interesting story Noshi. In the last paragraph, you re direct from telling a story to speaking directly to the admissions committe, pleading for a chance in law school. I'm not sure this paragraph is needed. Do you have a page limit on your personal statement? The universities I'm looking at limit the statement to 3 pages.

I have a character limit of 8000 with spaces. so you think I should rewrite the last paragraph.....?????

[blackmun47]

PM me for a swap