Personal Statement Critique

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Personal Statement Critique

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 17, 2018 11:07 am

I would really appreciate some honest criticism of my personal statement. Thanks in advance!

I am almost 21-years-old, and I still say “seat check” when I leave a room with plans to return soon. I grew up with four sisters – yes, there are five of us – and limited couch space. As the second oldest, I had a little more authority, but younger sisters can be ruthless. My “seat check” habit is probably the worst impact having such a large family has had on me; otherwise, my life as a sister has tremendously impacted who I am today. We’ve always been quite close. Our sheer number paired with growing up in a not-so-big house drove us together; however, this multitude suits me as if I chose it.
My oldest sister likes to joke that we should switch spots in the family line up. I am assertive, sometimes bossy, and a leader in almost everything I do. As one of the older siblings, I had a lot of responsibility growing up. We were all expected to help around the house and give our all to whatever we were involved in, but, my oldest sister and I also had the responsibility of being role models for our younger sisters. I am so grateful to my parents for giving me that challenge.
It helped me make the right decisions, become more patient and strive to do my best. It made me a better teacher and a better learner. Growing up with sisters also made me an independent, self-sufficient adult. For years, my mom juggled more in one day than many people could handle in a week; she was also smart with her time and a master delegator. No one was going to do my homework or projects for me, I had the tools and skills I needed, and it was my job to learn to use them. If I wanted a snack while my mom was tending to someone else, I could make it myself. I was helping change diapers by the time I was 6-years-old and walking the dog not too long after. The point is, we do what we can to help one another –– always.
Growing up, you were more likely to get in trouble for tattling on your sister than your sister was for whatever it is she did. Stick together always. If she broke a rule, you broke it with her. This is the unity I have always known –– when something bad happens to a sister, it happens to all of us. There is something about being a sister that makes you feel invincible, like our numbers and deep connection could face any obstacle. In August of 2016, things felt a little different. My older sister was diagnosed with a disease called Muscular Dystrophy. After my sister’s diagnosis, I was unsure of what to do, unsure if there was anything to do. The inaction became intolerable, sparking my decision to start Make A Muscle. I registered the organization through my university and began recruiting members and planning fundraisers. By way of quad events, a holiday themed 5K, and a three on three basketball tournament, Make A Muscle raised over $4,000 for the Muscular Dystrophy Association in its first year on campus. This disease has tested us, made us question what we can handle. By starting Make A Muscle I quelled my own feelings of helplessness and made my support clear. Just this past spring, three of my sisters and I ran the Chicago Half-Marathon raising nearly $10,000 for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. As we crossed the finish line, my parents and oldest sister looking on, I began to feel certain we could handle this.
Being a sister is inherent to who I am. It has given me immense independence and an incredible support system all at once. My sisters keep me grounded and push me to do better. I know I can lean on my sisters when I need to, but because of them, I have the confidence to branch out on my own, tackle new challenges, speak up for myself and take a seat at the table – or, if they’ll let me, on the couch.

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