PS Topic Help

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
alphabetsoupxyz

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Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2018 4:52 pm

PS Topic Help

Postby alphabetsoupxyz » Tue Sep 25, 2018 4:57 pm

I am really struggling with what to write my PS about and have at least 20 different starts. If any one could give me feed back on this (rough) opener. Should I carry on with it or scrap it? Am I at least somewhat doing the right thing for a PS or am I totally off base?

The idea of bodily autonomy was not introduced to me until I was twenty-three, when a friend I was becoming close with asked for permission before hugging me. She explained that she noticed I don’t like to be touch and I am not a physically affectionate person, so, while she is a “hugger,” she did not want to force me to engage. While it seems like such a simple and obvious concept, I never thought there was good reason to say no to hugs from other people. As a child, I was expected to hug every person that was involved in my life, from my immediate family members to my grandmother’s acquaintances who I had only just met. This would not have been as problematic if it was not common knowledge that I hated to be touched by anyone other than my parents. It was ingrained that not letting someone hug you was impolite and that I must violate my own comfort as to not upset adults. The idea that a child was considered responsible for an adult’s feelings and behavior in such away is ludicrous to me now. Looking back, I realize that the people I actively wanted to hug were the ones that never forced affection from me, like my father or Mr. XXXXX, who always greeted me with arms wide open, but let me decide if I wanted to engage. This was one aspect of my childhood that subconsciously, and now consciously, helped me set boundaries for myself and helped me be more aware, accommodating, and respectful of other people’s boundaries.

violintwin

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Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2018 4:06 pm

Re: PS Topic Help

Postby violintwin » Sat Sep 29, 2018 4:15 pm

Take this with a grain of salt because I am also struggling with my statement lmao.

For me it's sort of hard to see where you're going with it just from the opener. I think it's written well enough but I'm having a hard time trying to guess where it would lead to. So far I've gotten: You learned about bodily autonomy late, and this surprised you because it was something you had always known intuitively/from a young age. The writing is very clear and makes sense, but I don't feel very invested by the time I'm done with the paragraph. I think that, from an intro standpoint, it's important to begin your transition/state your main point by the very end so it's clear that you're taking it somewhere/making a bigger point overall.

The idea of bodily autonomy was not introduced to me until I was twenty-three, when a friend I was becoming close with asked for permission before hugging me. She explained that she noticed I don’t like to be touch and I am not a physically affectionate person, so, while she is a “hugger,” she did not want to force me to engage.


I might try to change this into some kind of dialogue to make it more engaging. I think the point is a good start, but there's nothing about it specifically that draws me in. You could have a quote from your friend and write about how your reaction to it and your specific emotions. Saying it surprised you is a good start, but there are ways to show vs tell that may help to be more attention getting.

Good luck! :D

achris1210

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Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:18 pm

Re: PS Topic Help

Postby achris1210 » Wed Oct 03, 2018 6:17 pm

I would choose another topic. I don’t see where you’re going with this or what you're trying to tell them about yourself. Your opening sentence led to a visceral reaction of dread, like, oh no, not a childhood sexual abuse story. Is that what you want to convey?



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