Weird Topic PS Advice?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
angelazhao921030

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Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:46 pm

Weird Topic PS Advice?

Postby angelazhao921030 » Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:28 pm

Thanks for the advice
Last edited by angelazhao921030 on Fri Jan 26, 2018 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

FN-2187

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Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:32 pm

Re: Weird Topic PS Advice?

Postby FN-2187 » Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:35 pm

I think it's interesting. I'm also curious about how you "knew exactly what caused" your illness. That felt like a stretch considering that just because pollution can, and does, affect the health of people, it doesn't necessarily mean that pollution directly caused your cyst. But to return to your question, I don't think it's a weird opening because it's attention grabbing and topical.
Last edited by FN-2187 on Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:17 am, edited 4 times in total.

DrGlennRichie

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Re: Weird Topic PS Advice?

Postby DrGlennRichie » Fri Jan 26, 2018 2:33 am

The topic is not weird, but your usage of a real name as a username is. I really hope the numbers are not you birthday. Revealing a medical condition is a violation of HIPAA regulations.

But lets return to you PS. While "My decision of pursuing environmental law was originated from close personal experience." is a horrible opening line, you should;d have ended there. The rest didnt add any substance.

I will not go into details, just in general.

1. Just like response above, I am bothered how you had "exact knowledge". Being a lawyer means having an open mind. Here we just pass judgement without any doubt.

2. The fact that you realized that pollution causes health issues only after you had a surgery, makes me wonder if you have an internet connection. I mean you do have Chinese last name.

3. You showed that you understand that economy and business decisions are main factors that affect environment, especially in poor countries. And yet, you think that you can fix everything with law.

And finally, grammar is really bad. Every sentence has a mistake. Even the first one. Also style is horrendous - one sentence sprawled across 5 lines!!!



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