My 6th Personal Statement! Opinions are welcomed!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
durianjimmy
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2017 11:51 am

My 6th Personal Statement! Opinions are welcomed!

Postby durianjimmy » Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:42 am

Hi, guys!

This is Jimmy, and I just finished my PS and it's still pretty raw. I'll probably polish it after my Dec LSAT, but I'd love to get some advice for other law school applicants here.

And here are some things I want you to know before reading this ( Yes, I tend to talk a lot). I was actually very determined not to write a diversity statement since what I mainly expressed in my PS is highly conflicted with the idea of being generally diversified, which is that every individual is different, is their unique self, despite your race, gender, sexuality and etc and I want to make sure that I can do this myself while helping others realize this goal as well. ( This seems just like being protective of diversity, but I am talking about everyone has their uniqueness and there is should be concept like majority/ minority, sometimes being a majority could also be easily judged.) And yes, I concluded my point also because I wrote without logic and I'll find a way to fix it. Last point is that I'm struggling with this PS now is that despite all the above talking how I hate to just use a minority stance as my selling point, my main body of the PS is talking about how it is to feel to be a gay guy in China. After all, it has a huge say in my life.

But whatever nonsense you just read, probably it's better to just read and give advice based on the PS itself.

Buckle up, and get ready for some really messed-up Chi-English.

(Also, PM and comments are both welcome, and I'd love to swap, which means if you think I could give some fresh perspective for yours, plz pm me since I already put mine here, probably will respond late since I'm focusing on prep LSAT and the time difference.

durianjimmy
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2017 11:51 am

Re: My 6th Personal Statement! Opinions are welcomed!

Postby durianjimmy » Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:43 am

Here's the PS:

You would assume life of being a homosexual man in a conservative, to some extent still, society like China must be miserable. Well, truth to be told, it is not that bad. Even though there were days I would not recall and I always know I am a misfit, you could say I have a pretty sweet life that many of my peer would wish for. Coming from a middle-class family in a small town of Southwest China, straight-A students all the way till enrolled in one of the top universities across the country with a promising major, I was never the disappointment in my family. More importantly, away from my hometown in Beijing I did not have to pretend who I am and luckily enough to have friends supporting me around.

But I know for a fact the road ahead is only getting narrower and I did not fight hard enough for myself for just being the perfect student. It was the freshman summer when I went to Berkeley for summer school that I first realized it. It was a gay parade in San Francisco I happened to participate, where I saw people like me, people that I might not get to understand this life, but they expressed their happiness and pride so openly that I would not have ever imagine before, with their friends and family. That was the first time it hit me clearly that despite how I enjoyed being single and childless, something was deprived of me, something was missing, that is the right, the choice to have a family.

It haunted me months even I got back from the States, that I thought I could hide this from my family as long as possible and I did not mind being alone all the time. The truth is that I was not happy, for years. I started to doubt if I should keep walking down the path I was told to.

Things took an another turn the next summer when I volunteered as an English teachers at this local orphanage in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. As shocking as the fact that some of the kids were there simply because their parents weren’t able to afford more children, what I remembered most the pure joy on their face when playing games like hide-and-seek and the hunger they had for knowledge. One even pulled me aside one day to tell me that she would learn more English so that she could be a tour guide when growing up and would not put her children through what she’s going through. The hope in her eyes I still cannot forget today. Yes, I assumed their childhood was miserable like anyone rational person would assume mine. Who would have thought I went out there to offer my help and ended up being inspired. Since then I started to engage myself in more social activities, to learn more about my options and take initiatives of my life instead of rolling with whatever fate throws my way.

Senior year was difficult, between class, an almost full-time internship, and graduation, I could hardly breathe. That was when, however, I was talking to people the most frequent in my life, debating with which direction I should move forward. There was this girl named Rachel in my TBC program, where they offered American exchange students in my college Chinese roommates and tutors, who I’d talk to hours at night even though there was school or work the next day. We’d compare which one was harder, being a gay guy in China or being a Chinese American. She would talk about her confusion since growing up, her identity and inheritance and I would not shut up about how I’ve cautiously chose to come out with people, where and when I felt most comfortable with myself, how lost I felt constantly and how conflicted I was at the moment.

Between the nights I kept thinking of all these people. The happy gay men in San Francisco that day. The married gay guys who confided to me and then showed me their babies at home in Beijing’s LGBTQ social events. The face filled with hope for their future in that little orphanage in Phnom Penh, and somehow, the couple finishing their week and sitting next to each other on a Friday when I sat there faced the Mekong river flowing from China to Cambodia. Then my friends, my family. I thought of them over and over again, and myself. Talking with Rachel had made me understanding better what my parents had always taught me that people are different and we have to accept it. It was no other time I could get it better but what they forgot to tell me that people could be divided, to tell me that our family would be divided if I came out to them.

I have to do something. Back then I already receive an offer for this internship I’d been doing for months. But I need to do more, for fighting for myself, for fighting for that every single individual is different and we have to cherish it instead of being divided against each other. It’s not just being gay, it’s not just being minority, it’s the possible that everyone could be wronged. After all, you don’t know there might be a straight cowboy in some southern State whose lifelong inspiration is Beyonce.

Then I thought over all the options I had over my hand. Law school was, in fact, the obvious option. Let’s not start with all the grand goals and ambition. I want to say fighting for myself, sometimes being morally right does not cover it all, and I believe in law not because it represents injustice, instead, I believe in it because it is the achievements of our civilization and by its set procedures, and right way to fight I and the people I represent can be recognized and remain that way. Moreover, I believe in myself that I have what it takes to pull this through and I don’t get all the fancy education just to be some corporate executives and get away with who I am.

Also I fight for the truth that every single of us is different. That is my other good intention of applying law school since I believe in law everyone is worth presenting not just simply being labeled for a single act. And I’m full aware what I’m going to embark is not some childish wonderland. Law is no merely a method that some people might wrongfully benefit from while others see as
Their truth get served. Just like a knife, you know, people use it either to hurt or to protect. And I’ll be the latter.

sparty99
Posts: 1511
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: My 6th Personal Statement! Opinions are welcomed!

Postby sparty99 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:45 am

This is not an effective personal statement and it is poorly written. You jump around and don't have a consistent theme. The grammar and punctuation is bad. The theme is bad. I don't get any real insight and am unable to elaborate further without simply stating that this is not a good personal statement.

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Delano
Posts: 73
Joined: Fri Jun 09, 2017 10:27 pm

Re: My 6th Personal Statement! Opinions are welcomed!

Postby Delano » Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:09 am

You really need to work on basic grammar here before anything else.




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