(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Postby diasybao » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:16 am

Last edited by diasybao on Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Criticism for DS

Postby Platopus » Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:52 pm

It is very obvious that you are a non-native English speaker. You need to seriously revise this to get the English down. Right now it is borderline unreadable.

Topically, the essay is all over the place. You need to narrow your focus. Your volunteer experience does not belong in your diversity statement. Save that for a personal statement or cut it completely.

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