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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
diasybao
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2017 11:04 pm

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Postby diasybao » Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:26 am

I have posted my ps new version
Last edited by diasybao on Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:03 am, edited 3 times in total.

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bulinus
Posts: 198
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:32 pm

Re: Looking for criticism for PS

Postby bulinus » Wed Sep 06, 2017 3:25 pm

English clearly isn't your first language, so you might think about hiring an editor to help tell your story if that is permitted under law school admissions rules.

I think the interpreter thing might have some potential if you can flesh it out.

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cbbinnyc
Posts: 358
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:49 am

Re: Looking for criticism for PS

Postby cbbinnyc » Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:01 pm

Agree with bulinus ... definitely should work with somebody on grammar/style. I (or another TLSer) could go through and fix it, but you really need to work closely with somebody to make sure your meaning is being accurately conveyed.

Agree that the translator story has potential. You should get rid of the first paragraph ... it suggests that the essay will be about growing up in military camps, but then military camps are never mentioned again. Also, the piece about scoring high on your college examination should be apparent from your resume. Just start with the translating and focus on that.

Also, the section about coming from a low-income background belongs in a diversity statement. The role model thing can also be cut probably ... muddies the focus of the essay.

diasybao
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2017 11:04 pm

Re: Looking for criticism for PS

Postby diasybao » Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:17 pm

bulinus wrote:English clearly isn't your first language, so you might think about hiring an editor to help tell your story if that is permitted under law school admissions rules.

I think the interpreter thing might have some potential if you can flesh it out.


Thanks a lot! I love the interpreter part as well and I will change my PS focus into that. I am worrying about the editor stuff, however if my grammar and style are that bad, it might be necessary for me to hire one. Thanks again!




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