Draft 2! Not sure how I feel!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
hi1everyone
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 5:38 pm

Draft 2! Not sure how I feel!

Postby hi1everyone » Wed Jul 05, 2017 1:10 pm

DELETED-- Thanks to those of you who PMed edits as well as the commenter below! I posted not too long ago, and have been working on incorporating some feedback. I took out the "nasty" part (although yes, it happened and it sucked) because of some feedback I received and instead made that part about my students, rather than myself... I'm hoping it doesn't come across as much as like a personal feud of some kind, since for me it was all about the kids and not so much whether I liked her as a person. I got some feedback to focus more on the classroom, but my kids were AMAZING and I don't want to exploit their disabilities and talk about how "awesome" I am for being a special educator because it comes across as phony to me. The actual biggest obstacle I overcame as a special educator was getting the kids into their proper placements as per IDEA, so that's what I chose to write about. Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Last edited by hi1everyone on Wed Jul 05, 2017 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Draft 2! Not sure how I feel!

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Wed Jul 05, 2017 1:55 pm

I feel like the structure sets the reader up to expect some kind of confrontation that never comes. Instead, the essay stops before the meeting which the structure suggests is the main topic.

Also, I think "tacky" and "greasy" are very bad words to describe the other teacher's comments. They're too much personal insults, and don't really get across the issue with what she was saying (how are words even greasy?).

hi1everyone
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2017 5:38 pm

Re: Draft 2! Not sure how I feel!

Postby hi1everyone » Wed Jul 05, 2017 2:01 pm

Tacky and slimy, just greasy and insulting phrases like claiming a kid will work at Walmart forever because they're disabled. Hahaha I thought it made sense! Thanks for the comment, will change :idea:

As far as the confrontation that never comes-- I intended it to be a moment of reflection for me, like thinking back to what got me into teaching, how the year was going, and then what motivated me to push through the negativity of my teammate, who on the regular would knock my kids, so that I could actually advocate for my kids and all the progress they had made. So that is not coming across, I assume. Thank you again for your comment!




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