Please Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Please Critique

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:33 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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mjb447
Posts: 1100
Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2013 4:36 am

Re: Please Critique

Postby mjb447 » Tue Jan 24, 2017 4:46 pm

Needs a lot of work. I don't know much about you after reading this PS, and the only thing that comes across strongly to me is that you don't do a lot of research before investing a lot of time and money in a career. Your career in supply chain management was apparently premised upon a vague dream of working for "a globally known corporation" (apparently the doormat was everything you hoped for, but the smell at the manufacturing plant wasn't?), and your career as an attorney is going to be premised primarily upon some Google searches about nursing home neglect. There are also a few places where your sentences are really vague and just taking up space (e.g., "The feeling of acceptance due to your hard work and academic accomplishments is unmatchable" and "I can assure anyone that doubting something you thought you’ve wanted is not easy").




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