- Posts: 96
- Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2016 5:28 pm
Right off the bat, your story is interesting. Your volunteer work is a great subject. It was really great when you gave some insight into how through helping others you were helping yourself. In that part you started to give some really meaningful insights into you as a person.
I kind of wish you had delved into that a little further.
The direction you take, about serving the man the extra roll, is OK... I think the story itself is interesting. But your main point, moral, lesson, etc. ended up being a little narrow: balancing the big picture with the small picture. I think there is a personal dimension to this lesson that is still waiting to come out. This is just an intuition (so throw it out if it's not helpful) but I think you should move away from the practical dimension of helping and talk more about, like, emotional insights.... or something. lol I know this is probably pretty vague.
You kind of talk about the bread as just a practical consideration to stick to the rules because they are there for a reason, namely so that everyone can get fed. And that will inform your work in law... ehhhhhhhhh....
IMO, as much as you can highlight personal details the better. You briefly mention how you try to give personal attention to every person you served. That's a great personal quality and a lot about you. Maybe more details like that?
I think you've got a great subject to work with that will make a very interesting statement. GL
- Posts: 171
- Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 4:22 pm
- Posts: 1307
- Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2013 4:36 am
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:39 pm
USA-NY-New York City
Seeking law student to assist associates prepare discovery responses and demands. read more
District Court Law Clerk The candidate work directly with a District Court Judge performing legal research an... read more
District Court Law Clerk The candidate will review, study, research, and annotate laws, court decisions, doc... read more
Who is online
The online users are hidden on this forum.