Personal Statement Feedback - deleted

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Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2016 6:49 pm

Personal Statement Feedback - deleted

Postby pstem2017 » Mon Dec 26, 2016 6:52 pm

Last edited by pstem2017 on Tue Dec 27, 2016 10:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Posts: 478
Joined: Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:35 pm

Re: Personal Statement Feedback - Thanks!!

Postby SunDevil14 » Mon Dec 26, 2016 7:30 pm

Good message and heart warming story. Take my advice with a grain of salt, I am not an expert:

1. The description of your mother/relationship with you mother is cornerstone of the paper, with that being said I believe your description of her/you relationship is a too bulky (half the personal statement). I would taper that portion down. Focus on more specific examples of you helping her with her illness, and the character traits you developed through your experiences with her. I believe you could construct a great picture of your mother/yourself through that type of discussion. I do no think all the background information or the argument about getting a "B" is necessary.

2. Similar to point 1, the abundance of background information regarding your mother is not a real attention grabber. Perhaps start off with the initial shock you experienced when your mother was diagnosed a third time. Another idea would be an interesting description of an usual task or an ordinary task that was made unusual because of her condition.

3. I believe the best portion of the paper comes at the end, where you discuss the inspiration your mother gave you to succeed in some impressive endeavors. I would bolster this section a bit more.

I think you are off to a good start, and could improve your personal statement by heeding some of my advice above. Sorry for your loss, I'm sure getting into a good law school would make your mother proud. Best of luck.

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