PS draft critique?

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beanburrito16

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PS draft critique?

Postby beanburrito16 » Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:23 pm

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Last edited by beanburrito16 on Sun Jan 01, 2017 6:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Mr. Archer

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Re: PS draft critique?

Postby Mr. Archer » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:05 pm

Not very good overall. I'm not sure what you want people to think about you from reading this. The first paragraph is pretty arrogant in a lot of ways. The last paragraph is also somewhat arrogant/pretentious (plus all the reader knows is that you did well in high school but then made bad grades in college, so touting your intelligence so much is strange--doing well in high school is really not that hard). Apparently, you goofed off most of your life and then, when you were forced to care for yourself financially, you didn't quit even though you lost interest in your job? To me, that doesn't show growth or maturation. It just shows that the only time you didn't have the option to quit, not fail as you present it, you didn't quit. That's not really an accomplishment, or at least what you want people to think is a personal accomplishment for you.

The last sentence of your PS doesn't make sense unless there's information the reader doesn't know. If you applied to law school before and didn't get in, that would mean you failed. Saying this time around failure isn't an option would make sense. But if you didn't even apply, you didn't fail the first time. You just didn't try. In any case. option to fail or option to quit is pretty cliche'.

If you had an integral role in building a company that rapidly expanded, that would be a good story to tell.

beanburrito16

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Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2016 9:09 pm

Re: PS draft critique?

Postby beanburrito16 » Thu Dec 22, 2016 10:15 pm

That's pretty much what I was worried about. Thanks for the feedback, mate.



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