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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Solved

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Dec 15, 2016 3:02 am

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:13 am, edited 6 times in total.

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lymenheimer

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Re: Please critique my personal statement

Postby lymenheimer » Thu Dec 15, 2016 10:35 am

OP wrote:deleted


too short. not very substantive. really need to work on this.
Last edited by lymenheimer on Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

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lymenheimer

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Re: questions about ps and why law school

Postby lymenheimer » Thu Dec 15, 2016 11:17 am

Gonna disclaim my advice with the fact that I feel like this is flame. But I would be embarrassed for OP if he submitted this to law schools.

It reads as if English is not your first language. That is not good for American law school applications. Also, your story is simply that, a story. You need to make this a Personal Statement. Cut out a majority of the narrative and, if you need to give background, hit the high points to show your development. Going from "I am shy" to "I am now not shy" is not how you show improvement/development.

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Re: questions about ps and why law school

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:08 pm

lymenheimer wrote:Gonna disclaim my advice with the fact that I feel like this is flame. But I would be embarrassed for OP if he submitted this to law schools.

It reads as if English is not your first language. That is not good for American law school applications. Also, your story is simply that, a story. You need to make this a Personal Statement. Cut out a majority of the narrative and, if you need to give background, hit the high points to show your development. Going from "I am shy" to "I am now not shy" is not how you show improvement/development.


Thanks a lot for the feedback, I may work on it later. :D

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Future Ex-Engineer

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Re: questions about ps and why law school

Postby Future Ex-Engineer » Thu Dec 15, 2016 12:40 pm

To be totally honest, this reminds me of emails I would get from my international TA's in undergrad - the vague Google-Translate-esque vibe.

I think it may be worth looking into a coach or professional writing workshop if you are going to produce something that a top adcomm will even consider. I get the feeling this would quickly be seen as reason for a rejection.

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Re: questions about ps and why law school

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Dec 16, 2016 12:38 am

mrgstephe wrote:To be totally honest, this reminds me of emails I would get from my international TA's in undergrad - the vague Google-Translate-esque vibe.

I think it may be worth looking into a coach or professional writing workshop if you are going to produce something that a top adcomm will even consider. I get the feeling this would quickly be seen as reason for a rejection.


hmmm it hurts me, but it may be true. I am trying to write a better one. :oops:



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