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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 18, 2016 8:25 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Mr. Archer

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Re: Help Please - Personal Statement

Postby Mr. Archer » Fri Nov 18, 2016 9:53 pm

Needs a total re-write. I get the cliche' basketball framework you went for, which is not that interesting, but it doesn't work with anything else in the PS. You just provide an almost stream-of-consciousness description of multiple parts of your life. There are also some strange comments that raise questions that go unanswered.

galadriel3019

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Re: Help Please - Personal Statement

Postby galadriel3019 » Fri Nov 18, 2016 10:00 pm

This needs work. I agree with everything the above poster says. There's a little too much resume run down, with stray tangents about your father and brother that sort of end abruptly and are not returned to. I'd really focus on making this essay more about you, and creating a more consistent narrative.



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