Basically Final Draft PS Forum

[Anonymous User]

Hey y'all,
I'm hoping to get my apps in by this weekend, so any sort of criticism would be much appreciated. At the moment I'm debating whether the last paragraph needs a little more "oomph," so any input there would be appreciated as well.

I have been to Heaven on Earth. I spent a summer assisting developmentally disabled men and women. The disabilities ranged from mostly physical ailments such as Cerebral Palsy, to mental disorders such as Autism, Down syndrome, and Bi-Polar disorder. It seems fantastically ironic to place nineteen and twenty-year-olds in positions of authority. Individuals who could not care for themselves were suddenly our responsibility, and yet, we had no experience in even taking care of ourselves. Parents nonchalantly received my introductory phone call and promised me that I would do a terrific job taking care of their children. This was just another routine summer for them, but anything but for me. How was I to take responsibility for fully grown men? Was I ready to commit myself to a summer predicated on the ethos of responsibility and hard work?

Orientation was almost surreal. The bus arrived and the first thing I saw was a sign in colorful lettering that unironically read “Heaven on Earth.” As a means of contrast, a representative from the Office for People with Developmental Disabilities (OPWDD) displayed to us on a projector the horrors that took place in the Willowbrook State School, the archetype of abuse towards those with disabilities. I sat in abject disbelief as Geraldo Rivera narrated the mistreatment, neglect, and total disregard for the mentally and physically disabled. As the grandchild of Holocaust survivors, it was not difficult to form a depressing parallel between the two. Looking back, I can pinpoint that moment as one in which I began to take the idea of law seriously as a possible career option. This was truly a scenario in which someone had to take action to protect those who could not. Where was the sense of justice in all those who were silent accessories to the suffering occurring in Willowbrook?

Nevertheless, alumni of the camp promised us that this would be the best summer of our lives, something that seemed truly inexplicable. What if I mishandled something dreadfully? I had heard of various horror stories passed off with varying degrees of nonchalance. The camp was no stranger to death, and I wondered how I would react if a camper of mine were to die. It seems selfish in hindsight, but my fears did not revolve around how the family would bear the grief, but instead on the potential personal impact. The camp began, and my fears were not unfounded; a camper tragically passed away the first week of camp. Subsequently, I heard that the girl’s parents had known of her impending death, but had chosen to send her to camp anyway. They explained that they understood that the camp was their daughter’s favorite time of the year, and that they could not bear her missing her last opportunity to attend. In just forty years the care for those with disabilities metamorphosed from the virulent atmosphere of Willowbrook into an institution in which those with disabilities are celebrated for their uniqueness.

After the departure of our veteran counselor, my co-counselors and myself assumed positions of leadership. Although, the responsibility was enormous, I found myself thriving under the pressure. The summer finally ended, but the experience initiated a significantly longer process. The explanation of why the parents sent their dying daughter to camp left a lasting impression on me. Instinctively, I had known that what I was doing was significant and beautiful, but I had never truly realized how much of an impact that myself and my fellow counselors were making. Three years later, and with exponentially more experience in working with those with disabilities, I can definitively say that the experience was a transformative one.

[SlippinJimmy]

I imagine readers of this are going to ask "why law school" and not a career either in care-giving or research for the developmentally disabled?

[Anonymous User]

I imagine readers of this are going to ask "why law school" and not a career either in care-giving or research for the developmentally disabled?

Wouldn't the second paragraph be an answer to that?

[Anonymous User]

.

[Mr. Archer]

I imagine readers of this are going to ask "why law school" and not a career either in care-giving or research for the developmentally disabled?

Wouldn't the second paragraph be an answer to that?

It's an answer, but a brief one. You don't have to discuss "why law" in depth, but it could be expanded a little in this case. You have a lot of potential with the PS, but it's very surface level right now. It also provides a lot of information about things besides you.

[calpolisci2016]

I'm going to be honest, I don't like this personal statement that much. You spend way too much time talking about the historical significance of the place. What does that have to do with you?

I also never sensed tension or "plot". You alluded to someone dying, but what did that do to you? It sounds like an event just so happened to happen when you were around.

I think it's fine that you talk about this topic, and you don't necessarily have to answer "Why law school" explicitly. But you should think more about why this moment was significant for you, and why you are a better experience as a result. All I got from it is that you went to this camp, some stuff happened, and you look back on it fondly and are glad for the experience. You're not integrated into the events enough.

[Anonymous User]

I'm going to be honest, I don't like this personal statement that much. You spend way too much time talking about the historical significance of the place. What does that have to do with you?

I also never sensed tension or "plot". You alluded to someone dying, but what did that do to you? It sounds like an event just so happened to happen when you were around.

I think it's fine that you talk about this topic, and you don't necessarily have to answer "Why law school" explicitly. But you should think more about why this moment was significant for you, and why you are a better experience as a result. All I got from it is that you went to this camp, some stuff happened, and you look back on it fondly and are glad for the experience. You're not integrated into the events enough.

Thanks for the critique. I can share personal stories from the camp, though nothing as powerful as the camper who died. I realize, now, that I sort of threw the death in there hoping that the "wow" factor would sort of speak for itself. I definitely need to relate that to me on a more personal level, and how it impacted me.