Personal Statement Critique Forum

[ReadyToStart]

Hi everyone!
So I just finished a first draft of my personal statement, and I'm looking for critique. Mostly, I want to know if the topic works, or if it's compelling enough. I understand that after a first draft the wording might be off, vague, or just not sound intelligent, so that sort of critique would work as well, but I'm less concerned with that at the moment. I'm not entirely comfortable posting my Personal Statement in full, even anonymously, although it's not too "personal." So if some kindly TLSer would volunteer to receive my PS via PM I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks!