PS Draft have at it!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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PS Draft have at it!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:04 pm

7,000…7,500…My eyes track the tachometer needle as it flies toward the limit. Finally at 8,600 RPM, the limit, or redline on my Acura Integra’s modified motor, I reach over and slam the gear selector from 3rd to 4th gear. The needle on the speedometer is rocketing past 90 miles per hour and adrenaline pumps through my veins as I race down a long straightaway on the track at (Track name edited so not outed). The moment brings to mind a quote from Ayrton Senna, a world champion race car driver and one of my role models, “And so you touch this limit, something happens and you can suddenly go a little bit further. With your mind power, your determination, your instinct, and the experience as well, you can fly very high.”

Senna’s words echo in my head, prompting feelings I had never previously experienced while behind the wheel. As the tachometer needle steadily climbs toward the redline again and the motor howls in exhilaration, a sense of peace washes through my body. My feet and hands unerringly conduct the harmonious symphony of engine, pedals and gears- the physical manifestations of not only the money, but also the countless hours of intensive labor I put in to modify this car for the track. The mechanical symphony effortlessly channels the noxious engine exhaust out of the car, and, with it, the frustrations and doubts I had while modifying this car flow away, too.

Tuning, theory, practice: these three elements form the basis of modifying a car to improve performance and have been extensively researched. On paper, these tenets appear easy to master. However, each is open to trial and questioning. The slightest adjustment can either shave 1/10th of a second off your lap time, or disrupt the entire balance of your car before you can even make the first turn. As both driver and mechanic, I strove to strike the balance between them.

During the first few years of ownership, a lot of obscenities and tools were tossed around the garage when something didn’t line up or fit correctly. I was undertaking a full blown upgrade of the car’s most intimate aspects, pushing the motorized beast’s boundaries by trading up the motor and transmission for those out of the top of the line Integra Type R. My chosen task challenged my mechanic abilities as I had never changed an entire motor and transmission before. However, with research, the help of friends, and trial and error, everything slowly started to come together. As I learned the ins and outs of the car and what made it respond, I began to relish every second I spent behind the wheel or tinkering with her constituent parts.

I experimented with using self-developed tuning techniques, as another outlet to attempt to satisfy my never ending intellectual curiosity of everything around me, attempting to unleash the full potential of both the machine and myself. Before I finally found what made everything work in harmony, the car changed constantly. Different moods would yield different results; sometimes the car screamed like she never had, and other times she idled low and died before I could even put her in gear and move. However, the basic tuning elements stayed the same even though the settings changed. Cars can be tuned and tested as the environment deems necessary, but blunders in the fundamentals cannot be covered up on the track as the tuning basics never change.

Although my time with this car came to an end shortly after my experience at the track, the lessons I learned during the seven years of ownership and modification remain with me. The fundamentals of tuning taught me that, in order to succeed, you need to understand your car, yourself- as both a mechanic and driver- and how these elements mesh together in spite of the circumstances. I understand the importance of having solid foundation and dedication to constant improvement. I not only appreciate my limits, both physical and mental, but also push myself to surpass them every day. This mentality promotes a lifestyle of discipline and patience, strengthening my drive for self-improvement. My Integra also taught me that to possess passion and genuine interest in something is just as important as never giving up, especially in the face of obstacles. Everything I’ve learned from this experience has further fueled my drive to pursue a career in the legal field, and I believe the best environment for me to pursue my legal education is at (insert university name here)

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proteinshake

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby proteinshake » Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:14 pm

you have a unique topic, but I learn close to nothing about you from this PS. you don't even really say anything about yourself until the very end, and even then, it is very vague.

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Christinabruin

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby Christinabruin » Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:23 pm

Sadly, I'm going to have to agree with Protein...Your topic is very unique but I got lost in the first paragraph through all the mechanical and technical terms. Maybe I am just really not interested in cars, but I think this could serve as a reminder that you don't know who your audiences are and the adcom reading your PS might even be less interested in cars than me. I had to skim the essay and jump to the last paragraph to see your "purpose." One suggestion I have is shorten the car analogy to 1-2 paragraphs and tie it into your actual academic/work accomplishments and then appeal why you think you would be a great fit for law school. Also, avoid contractions (won't, can't, haven't, etc.)

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proteinshake

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby proteinshake » Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:02 pm

however, I do think you can easily turn it into a PS that tells much more about you (and why law if you want to include that) :mrgreen:

texaschic

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby texaschic » Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:15 pm

Agreed with the others. when reading your PS I can't imagine you as a person, all I have are images of a car racing in my head. It's hard to connect. Remember, you're presenting yourself to people who don't know you. It may be hard to connect to someone using that technical/car language not everyone is familiar with.

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:27 pm

Christinabruin wrote:Sadly, I'm going to have to agree with Protein...Your topic is very unique but I got lost in the first paragraph through all the mechanical and technical terms. Maybe I am just really not interested in cars, but I think this could serve as a reminder that you don't know who your audiences are and the adcom reading your PS might even be less interested in cars than me. I had to skim the essay and jump to the last paragraph to see your "purpose." One suggestion I have is shorten the car analogy to 1-2 paragraphs and tie it into your actual academic/work accomplishments and then appeal why you think you would be a great fit for law school. Also, avoid contractions (won't, can't, haven't, etc.)



OP here. I'm going to take what you said into consideration and try and tie some of the academic and work achievements I'm most fond of and incorporate them into this.

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Christinabruin

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby Christinabruin » Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:38 pm

Great! I would limit your work/academic examples to 1-2 projects to avoid spelling out your resume. If possible, I would focus on one major project and really hone that in with your car analogy. Describe and show what qualities you posses/learned/will bring to law school. I can see a great PS coming!

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Re: PS Draft have at it!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:57 pm

Christinabruin wrote:Great! I would limit your work/academic examples to 1-2 projects to avoid spelling out your resume. If possible, I would focus on one major project and really hone that in with your car analogy. Describe and show what qualities you posses/learned/will bring to law school. I can see a great PS coming!


I have 1 paper in mind from undergrad and 1 project from work already...just a matter of tying it together.



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