Personal Statement Feedback Please!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Personal Statement Feedback Please!

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:40 pm

Gonna give this a go.. I've just finished my PS rough draft. Feel free to send any critiques my way!

In some inexplicably bizarre way, I’ve found myself loving bankruptcy. The possibility for starting fresh, amidst the chaos of financial disarray is in many ways, a liberating and radical concept. More importantly, the modern ideals of bankruptcy provide a process for individuals and companies to find relief having exhausted all other options. My knowledge of, and eventual fondness for bankruptcy goes well beyond my three years of experience at a bankruptcy law firm. Rather, I lived through the seemingly calamitous event seven years ago. But in many ways, it’s been the single most significant event that has led me where I am now.

Truthfully, I didn’t know what it really meant when my parents told me we were “filing bankruptcy.” However, I understood the facts: We were hit by the recession, my dad’s mortgage company was closing down, my mom was being laid off, and I had to live with the reality that we were going to lose our home. As a high school student, the luxuries of hot showers, toilet paper, and buying groceries kept me conscious of the persistent factor of money. I became accustomed to notices of late bills, our electricity being cut off periodically, and living off reduced lunch. While my life was not in critical danger, those setbacks forced me to re-evaluate my life and goals. I knew that I needed to do something to help my family, so I decided to put my education first. I also began to support myself financially with a part-time internship and enrolled in Running Start, a program that allowed me to take college classes and receive credit while in high school.

On a personal level, I’ve come to appreciate the lessons I learned from dealing with my family’s financial setbacks and how we eventually got back on our feet. Over the years, I’ve realized that our “losses” were the very same factors that led me to ultimately grow up and push myself academically. I knew that I wanted to create a better future for myself, which was why I decided to pursue higher education. These ideals carried beyond high school, as a constant reminder to keep improving myself and accomplish my academic goals despite the obstacles. In the long run, those supposed losses in the form of material things and money turned into valuable gains, as I learned resilience and having a strong sense of personal responsibility.

Additionally, I established important habits and mindsets as I went to college. As a first generation student, I didn’t have guidance from my parents on how to fill out the maze of paperwork for FAFSA, scholarships, and college applications. Out of necessity, I became a highly resourceful, independent, and meticulous researcher. These three traits alone have afforded me many academic opportunities, as I have taken every chance to find guidance and support from advisors and teachers. Additionally, I received scholarships, took part in leadership/volunteer programs, and was part of a summer research cohort. I would not have gained these valuable experiences and skills had it not been for the lessons I learned from bankruptcy.

After my first year acclimating to college classes, fate intervened when I was offered a position as a legal office assistant in a bankruptcy law firm. After living through the experience personally, I decided it would be a great learning opportunity to be on the other side, while I observed the attorneys provide their legal expertise to individuals and families like my own. After three years in a law firm that focuses on debtor work, I’ve spent countless hours learning about the stories of everyday people that have suffered great losses and frustrations, whether their situations arose from bad luck or unfortunate circumstances. Despite their difficulties, I’ve learned the significance of bankruptcy law, which can provide financial relief and a second chance for struggling debtors in tough situations. My personal and professional experience with bankruptcy has allowed me to share a bond with our clients, as well as learn the day-to-day responsibilities of experienced attorneys.

While I’ve always wanted to pursue law, working with attorneys has confirmed that commitment. Assisting with preparing exhibits for trial, mailing notices to creditors, and filing documents with the Bankruptcy Court has given me the opportunity to work up close with the type of work I’d like to pursue. While the law may not be as glamorous as it is portrayed on media, I have had the privilege of working with attorneys that are honest, passionate, and dedicated to our clients. Having a diverse set of mentors in my workplace has secured my passion for working in a legal field that ultimately laid down the foundations for me to be where I am now. For this reason, I believe that I can gain the necessary legal skills through X School based ---

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Re: Personal Statement Feedback Please!

Postby aaronbursar » Sun Sep 11, 2016 11:46 pm

One recommendation: vary your sentence structure, specifically the structure of each paragraph's first sentence. They're all "adverb/context", comma, "main point" and it gets a little repetitive.

Really cool topic! Fits the mold of a PS well.

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