Any advice or criticizism is much appreciated

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
ryanjeff08

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Any advice or criticizism is much appreciated

Postby ryanjeff08 » Sat Sep 10, 2016 8:41 pm

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Last edited by ryanjeff08 on Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cavalier1138

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Re: Any advice or criticizism is much appreciated

Postby cavalier1138 » Sun Sep 11, 2016 5:39 am

Overall, this reads like a hybrid PS/DS. You're going to be submitting a diversity statement (and if you weren't planning on it, you should be), so having your entire PS also revolve around your race will be redundant. That's not to say that you can't specifically reference your race in a PS, but you want to be sure you aren't just repeating yourself.

That said, I think your counselor had good intentions, but I also think they were dead wrong. A good PS focuses on your personal experience and uses it to show why you would be a good law student. It should not be a vague statement about why there aren't enough black role models in scholarly fields. If you want that to be the main thrust of your statement, then focus on why you bucked the trend, not on the general statistics.

On a separate note, this needs a thorough combing-over for grammar and syntax issues. There are some pretty basic errors, and you could probably cut it down by a third if you eliminated all the unnecessary words.

smile0751

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Re: Any advice or criticizism is much appreciated

Postby smile0751 » Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:02 am

cavalier1138 wrote:Overall, this reads like a hybrid PS/DS. You're going to be submitting a diversity statement (and if you weren't planning on it, you should be), so having your entire PS also revolve around your race will be redundant. That's not to say that you can't specifically reference your race in a PS, but you want to be sure you aren't just repeating yourself.

That said, I think your counselor had good intentions, but I also think they were dead wrong. A good PS focuses on your personal experience and uses it to show why you would be a good law student. It should not be a vague statement about why there aren't enough black role models in scholarly fields. If you want that to be the main thrust of your statement, then focus on why you bucked the trend, not on the general statistics.

On a separate note, this needs a thorough combing-over for grammar and syntax issues. There are some pretty basic errors, and you could probably cut it down by a third if you eliminated all the unnecessary words.



^agree to all



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