ROUGH Personal Statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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ROUGH Personal Statement

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 23, 2016 5:41 pm

This is literally my first draft ever for my personal statement. Looking for input on whether or not I'm on the right track, or need to scrap this draft completely and start over. Thanks in advance for reading.

Being a family member in a multigenerational family-owned business, the value of hard work and morality were instilled in me at an early age. Throughout my experience as both a family member and employee in my family’s oilfield service company, I have learned of two truths in spite of the oil and gas industry’s unpredictable nature. The first truth I learned is that of all the uncertainty associated with the oil industry, one thing that is sure is the cyclical nature of the price of oil, as evidenced in the current oil glut of today. The second truth I learned is that technical knowledge within this industry is worthless unless you can effectively protect and market that knowledge. A key factor in the effective protection and marketing of this knowledge is a concise understanding of legal codes and procedures, particularly those that apply to taxation, contracts, intellectual property etc. In my family’s company there is a dire need for an in-house counselor with a broad understanding of the legal environment to better facilitate productivity among our retained attorneys. It is my dream to fill this need.
The first step to achieving my dream of fulfilling a vital role of my family’s company is attending XYZ Law School. At present, my goal after 1L is to enroll in the joint-degree program at XYZ in pursuit of a JD/MBA. Given the fact that my family’s company conducts business in eleven different countries, and has facilities in both Louisiana and China, it is vitally important to pursue an education that will best prepare me to navigate the increasingly complex and competitive international oil and gas market, and I believe that XYZ School is the best place for me to do so.

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TexasENG

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Re: ROUGH Personal Statement

Postby TexasENG » Tue Aug 23, 2016 6:29 pm

Anonymous User wrote:This is literally my first draft ever for my personal statement. Looking for input on whether or not I'm on the right track, or need to scrap this draft completely and start over. Thanks in advance for reading.


To be honest, there's really not much here. I think that there could be an interesting story in here, and you probably have a more defined reason for why you want to enter law than a lot of applicants. That being said, what you have here is not saying much about you, or how you were instilled with hard work / morality. Perhaps a story about one of the previous oil down turns and how your family pulled together through that, or how you all are dealing with the current issues could be a place to start.

Alive97

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Re: ROUGH Personal Statement

Postby Alive97 » Wed Aug 24, 2016 10:58 am

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Last edited by Alive97 on Fri May 05, 2017 10:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

galadriel3019

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Re: ROUGH Personal Statement

Postby galadriel3019 » Sun Aug 28, 2016 7:43 pm

I cannot emphasize enough how much I agree with the two posters above me.

The only point I would add is that you could add a little bit more about why the specific school. I understand you might change it from school to school, but I'd be sure to highlight a specific program at each place that you think ties in with your interests. I think this helps you show you've done your research and are really interested in the school, versus just throwing their name in their at the end because you feel you have to. Gives a better sense that you are really interested in the school. If that's what you are intending to do and just abridged it here, my apologies!

kublaikahn

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Re: ROUGH Personal Statement

Postby kublaikahn » Wed Aug 31, 2016 12:34 pm

This is a "Why XYZ Law School" Essay, not a PS. A PS should be more about your own talents and convictions. Say more with less, clean up your writing style. Use the active voice. Avoid using gerunds as subjects. So on and so forth.

I have been fortunate to be a participating member in a multi-generational family-owned oilfield services business. Being a family member in a multigenerational family-owned business, I learned the value of hard work, and morality were instilled in me at an early age. Throughout my experience as both a family member and employee in my family’s oilfield service company, I have learned of two truths in spite of the oil and gas industry’s unpredictable nature. The first truth I learned is that of all the uncertainty associated with the oil industry, one thing that is sure is the cyclical nature of the price of oil, as evidenced in the current oil glut of today. The second truth I learned is, the importance of maintaining environmental ethics, and that technical knowledge within this industry is worthless unless you can effectively protect and market that knowledge it. Our company has become successful by XXXXXXX (e.g. developing technologies that clean up x), allowing our operations to grow and span eleven countries. To carry on that legacy, I want to help my family protect and market this knowledge. A key factor in the effective protection and marketing of is a concise understanding of legal codes and procedures, particularly those that apply to taxation, contracts, intellectual property etc. In my family’s Our company there is a dire need for desperately needs an in-house counselor with a broad understanding of the legal environment to better facilitate productivity among to engage and interface with our retained attorneys. It is my dream to fill this need.

The first step to achieving my dream of fulfilling a vital role of my family’s company is attendingXYZ Law School offers the perfect training for this role. At present, my goal after 1L is to enroll in the joint-degree program at XYZ in pursuit of a JD/MBA. Given the fact that my family’s company conducts business With operations in eleven different countries, and has facilities in both Louisiana and China, it is vitally important to pursue an education that will best I seek the best program to prepare me to navigate the increasingly complex and competitive international oil and gas market ..., and I believe that XYZ School is the best place for me to do so.



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