Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Aug 22, 2016 5:31 pm

Hey everybody, thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm still working on some grammar / punctuation, but was hoping to get some thoughts on the choice of topic / overall flow. I've written around 4 statements and feel like this is by far my most compelling story. I've been hesitant to write about this topic for reasons, but feel I've done a decent job of capturing it and explaining how it has affected me.

I appreciate any feedback.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Aug 23, 2016 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PDX4343

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Re: Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby PDX4343 » Mon Aug 22, 2016 6:10 pm

This is great. I think you've selected a good topic, and done a good job showing how you've grown from it and how you've applied the lessons you've learned to your life. The one thing I would add is a concrete reason for wanting to attend law school. Try to make that reason flow within the context of your personal statement if you can. As is, it's not clear how law school plays into your journey.

Other than that and fixing some minor grammar errors this is a great start.

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Re: Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Aug 22, 2016 8:10 pm

PDX4343 wrote:This is great. I think you've selected a good topic, and done a good job showing how you've grown from it and how you've applied the lessons you've learned to your life. The one thing I would add is a concrete reason for wanting to attend law school. Try to make that reason flow within the context of your personal statement if you can. As is, it's not clear how law school plays into your journey.

Other than that and fixing some minor grammar errors this is a great start.


Thanks for the feedback, glad to see I'm on the right track~! I've been struggling incorporating a why law section, but I'll definitely try to work it in more

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PDX4343

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Re: Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby PDX4343 » Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:48 am

Yeah I had a rough time with it too. It always seems to feel inorganic.

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ek5dn

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Re: Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby ek5dn » Tue Aug 23, 2016 4:27 am

Your PS is well-written, raw, and as a result, engaging.

I think you're really strong for having done so well for yourself considering your difficult family life and childhood, but for your personal statement, I would recommend focusing a bit more on the latter part of your PS (so dedicating more of your PS to the latter section), where you go into how you recovered from those difficult times and how those experiences shaped who you are today.

That's just my opinion though! I can see how describing the incident with the cigarette burn can make your story more powerful, so I understand why you want to provide a lot of detail on that
At the same time, like I said, I think maybe the comeback should be the focus of this essay, not your hardships

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bretby

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Re: Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby bretby » Tue Aug 23, 2016 9:18 am

I think the first part describing your childhood experiences is well-written, but I would add specifics to your second part about your successes in college, etc. Maybe a brief account of one leadership experience or work experience and how you connect it to your earlier life. The detail of the first half is what makes it compelling, but then the second half falls into generalities and it loses its power.

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Re: Very Personal PS - Feedback Appreciated!

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 23, 2016 12:58 pm

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I really appreciate the help. I think I'll clean up the front half and retool some of the ending



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