Rough PS - Questionable Topic. Looking for input

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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Rough PS - Questionable Topic. Looking for input

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:23 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

KatCoco

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Re: Rough PS - Questionable Topic. Looking for input

Postby KatCoco » Sat Aug 20, 2016 1:58 am

I think this is a really solid starting point w/r/t content and structure. A few small comments on details:

Perhaps add some more details about the shooting? Not gory type of details, but location, circumstances (who was the shooter?), year, etc. I just wanted to know a little bit more about it.

I would add more detail about the type of work you were doing in the technological field. E.g., "not something I was expecting to experience when I walked into my [brief description of job]."

I would cut this sentence in the third paragraph: "I have always been a problem solver."

These sentences are lacking clarity:
"I realized that my passion had not changed but my focus seemed so narrow."
"With precedents rather than patents, there lies the ability to change the world in the way a more innocent me had dreamed of."

Anyway, I definitely think it's worth moving forward with this topic (though of course it requires lots of editing as is).

Alive97

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Re: Rough PS - Questionable Topic. Looking for input

Postby Alive97 » Mon Aug 22, 2016 11:28 am

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Last edited by Alive97 on Fri May 05, 2017 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
Posts: 309308
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Rough PS - Questionable Topic. Looking for input

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Aug 22, 2016 1:30 pm

OP here. Thanks for the input everybody. After thinking about it further I think I will be scrapping this PS and going a different direction. Seems like too much risk if not executed well for too little reward.



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