removed, thanks all.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

How am I doing

Good to apply
1
33%
Just go through grammar and apply
1
33%
Not quite on the mark
1
33%
Not a fan
0
No votes
Way off
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 3

trkmaniak00

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Posts: 67
Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:18 pm

removed, thanks all.

Postby trkmaniak00 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 12:09 am

.
Last edited by trkmaniak00 on Sat Aug 13, 2016 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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EnfieldTennisChamp

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Posts: 177
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2016 11:59 am

Re: Potentially my final draft...Comments appreciated!

Postby EnfieldTennisChamp » Sat Aug 13, 2016 3:45 am

I'm sorry to hear about what happened.

As a 'retired' runner, I do appreciate the whole shoes thing. I think that would resonate with other runners, but may have quite limited impact beyond that demographic. Nevertheless, I think this metaphor/analogy of the shoes to your life struggles and accomplishments is legitimate. However, I think that you spend too much space developing the metaphorical side, i.e. details about your actual shoes, rather than developing the details of what the wear-and-tear on the shoes represents. You mention your athletic competitions/achievements but I think that could be more impactful if you added some concrete details. "at nationals in 07, i faced situation X and learned Y." "competing in d1 t&f presented struggle X and i learned Y."
like you said, i think your essay lacks detail about yourself. apply some of that concrete descriptiveness that you effectively use to develop your metaphor to describing your actual real life situations.

I would also spend more space with the "why law school" stuff. Again, concrete details are your friend. The lawyer did accomplish some good things, but listing a couple specific acts or statements or whatever that really struck you is going to be more memorable.

hope that helps a little! sorry about lazy typing - on an unfamiliar keyboard and got too tired of fiddling around for apostrophes and capitalization.

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oshberg28

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Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:24 pm

Re: Potentially my final draft...Comments appreciated!

Postby oshberg28 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 12:40 pm

Excellent PS - I am going to disagree with the previous poster; I don't think there is any need to expand on "why law", as your entire PS helps elucidate that without directly stating so, which is what a good PS should do.

Philafaler

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Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:16 am

Re: Potentially my final draft...Comments appreciated!

Postby Philafaler » Sat Aug 13, 2016 1:30 pm

Removed.
Last edited by Philafaler on Tue Aug 16, 2016 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

trkmaniak00

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Posts: 67
Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:18 pm

removed

Postby trkmaniak00 » Sat Aug 13, 2016 3:52 pm

.



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