Harsh Criticism Welcome

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
anonpsanon

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Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby anonpsanon » Wed Aug 10, 2016 8:35 pm

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Last edited by anonpsanon on Fri Oct 07, 2016 4:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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floatie

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Re: Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby floatie » Wed Aug 10, 2016 9:12 pm

Honestly, I think this is a really solid personal statement. It demonstrates maturity on your part and the nuance in your way of thinking. If you were to submit this as-is, I don't think this would keep you out of any school.

My only comment is that I think there could be a little bit more about you in this. Your narrative was compelling, and I think that you have room to expand this to include more about your role in this exchange. If I were an admissions person, I would come away from this wanting to learn more about you

sp5000

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Re: Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby sp5000 » Thu Aug 11, 2016 11:35 am

and I was delighted by the fact that he was missing a few teeth


Take this out.

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Sprout

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Re: Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby Sprout » Thu Aug 11, 2016 11:38 am

sp5000 wrote:
and I was delighted by the fact that he was missing a few teeth


Take this out.


Agreed.

Also agree it's good narrative-wise, but there isn't a whole lot about you in there. I would urge caution though because I definitely do not think it should be any longer.

Alive97

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Re: Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby Alive97 » Mon Aug 15, 2016 10:52 am

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Last edited by Alive97 on Fri May 05, 2017 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

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call-me-bubbles

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Re: Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby call-me-bubbles » Tue Aug 16, 2016 4:01 am

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Last edited by call-me-bubbles on Wed Jan 11, 2017 12:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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LegallyBlackJD

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Re: Harsh Criticism Welcome

Postby LegallyBlackJD » Sat Sep 03, 2016 7:12 pm

I'm late to this party - but I truly loved reading your PS. I would have to second people in that, I would talk more about you in this. I also have to 4th that I was thinking to myself, "Why are you delighted that he is missing teeth?" Other than that, bravo!



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