Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 327393
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 02, 2016 5:50 pm

Hello. I whipped up a Yale 250 today, and I curious if I could get some of you to read it and let me know if it's absolute trash or not. If this is in the wrong place, just let me know, and apologies in advance.

250:

If we set out to map the world of learning, I think I’d be most excited to show you my favorite little isthmus. It’s the liminal land between the continents of Cursory and Intimate Knowledge. I’ve been there a few times in my life, and I can assure you; the view is surely something.

The most recent visit occurred with a classmate while we were wrestling with the concept of différance. As we crested the mountain that bottlenecks the path into Intimate Knowledge, I saw the sun splaying its fingers out across the lands far below, creeping up the mountainside. It blinded me.

I said, “Sunny.” My duties as a highly discerning weather machine out of the way, I squinted my eyes shut. I will always prefer overcast days. They’re much easier on my sweat glands, and a sticky cartographer is the worst kind.

“Yes, isn’t it great? Reminds me of swimming in the pool,” My companion, ever the optimist, said. She saw my look of annoyance, and we finally found the purchase we’d been searching for. As part of the natural progression stemming from understanding, we both then forged onwards into territory unknown, brandishing our newfound tool of literary critique.

Intimate Knowledge is a vast landmass, full of wonderful and terrible and wonderfully, terribly interesting things. Cursory Knowledge is a fine area in its own right, but there’s nothing in either territory that compares, in my mind, to the startling clarity you’ll find on the Isthmus of Socratic Paradoxica.

User avatar
joeycxxxx09

Bronze
Posts: 289
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2015 6:43 pm

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby joeycxxxx09 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 6:02 pm

just threw up in my mouth a bit.

User avatar
njdevils2626

Bronze
Posts: 495
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:53 pm

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby njdevils2626 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 6:05 pm

If the goal was to give the admissions committee the clearest possible picture of you masturbating by using only words, then you nailed it

Anonymous User
Posts: 327393
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 02, 2016 6:06 pm

joeycxxxx09 wrote:just threw up in my mouth a bit.

Mind letting me know exactly why, or should I just let my worst intuitions guess?

User avatar
A. Nony Mouse

Diamond
Posts: 29306
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Tue Aug 02, 2016 7:21 pm

1) it's really cutesy
2) I have no idea what any of it means* (and I promise you I'm really super overeducated)
3) why would you ever use the word différance?

*I think maybe I got a vague clue on the third read-through, but no one has time for that.

Edit: it gets weirdly better on successive rereadings, once you figure it out, but I feel like it's really off-putting on initial read.

User avatar
kgm1990

New
Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2015 3:29 pm

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby kgm1990 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 7:28 pm

njdevils2626 wrote:If the goal was to give the admissions committee the clearest possible picture of you masturbating by using only words, then you nailed it


:lol: :lol: :lol:

cavalier1138

Platinum
Posts: 5071
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:01 pm

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby cavalier1138 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 8:03 pm

Jesus fucking Christ.

Anonymous User
Posts: 327393
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 02, 2016 10:38 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:1) it's really cutesy
2) I have no idea what any of it means* (and I promise you I'm really super overeducated)
3) why would you ever use the word différance?

*I think maybe I got a vague clue on the third read-through, but no one has time for that.

Edit: it gets weirdly better on successive rereadings, once you figure it out, but I feel like it's really off-putting on initial read.


This is pretty much what I thought, I guess. I just wanted to get some eyes on it to make sure. Thanks. Also, for #3, because that's the term for the topic discussed, but definitely too much.

User avatar
A. Nony Mouse

Diamond
Posts: 29306
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Tue Aug 02, 2016 10:47 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:1) it's really cutesy
2) I have no idea what any of it means* (and I promise you I'm really super overeducated)
3) why would you ever use the word différance?

*I think maybe I got a vague clue on the third read-through, but no one has time for that.

Edit: it gets weirdly better on successive rereadings, once you figure it out, but I feel like it's really off-putting on initial read.


This is pretty much what I thought, I guess. I just wanted to get some eyes on it to make sure. Thanks. Also, for #3, because that's the term for the topic discussed, but definitely too much.

no, I understand - after I posted I looked it up and realized what you meant. I kind of like the ambition and I realize that the Yale 250 is sort of a different beast, and I think you will be able to write a good one, but maybe not quite this one.

Anonymous User
Posts: 327393
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 02, 2016 10:55 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:no, I understand - after I posted I looked it up and realized what you meant. I kind of like the ambition and I realize that the Yale 250 is sort of a different beast, and I think you will be able to write a good one, but maybe not quite this one.


Thank you for the words of encouragement. I don't really know what I should write about, but luckily I have two full years before I apply. I'm just sort of keeping a file with Personal Statements and 250s I write as I come up with them so I won't be as stressed, I guess.

One question I do have is do you know anything about how Yale might perceive a history of mental illness that I've recovered from?

User avatar
A. Nony Mouse

Diamond
Posts: 29306
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Tue Aug 02, 2016 11:07 pm

I don't, honestly, although I don't think they'd perceive it any differently than any other school would. If it's something that would be relevant to understanding your educational history, and you can show it's something you've overcome/moved past/have under control, then it's probably worth writing an addendum about it.

Anonymous User
Posts: 327393
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 02, 2016 11:18 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:I don't, honestly, although I don't think they'd perceive it any differently than any other school would. If it's something that would be relevant to understanding your educational history, and you can show it's something you've overcome/moved past/have under control, then it's probably worth writing an addendum about it.


That gives me a bit of comfort, then. Thanks.

User avatar
kgm1990

New
Posts: 98
Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2015 3:29 pm

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby kgm1990 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 11:32 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:I don't, honestly, although I don't think they'd perceive it any differently than any other school would. If it's something that would be relevant to understanding your educational history, and you can show it's something you've overcome/moved past/have under control, then it's probably worth writing an addendum about it.


That gives me a bit of comfort, then. Thanks.


On a more serious note, are you an undergrad? Because I think this could serve as a great lesson about the importance or clarity over some perceived level of artfulness.

Anonymous User
Posts: 327393
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 02, 2016 11:38 pm

kgm1990 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:I don't, honestly, although I don't think they'd perceive it any differently than any other school would. If it's something that would be relevant to understanding your educational history, and you can show it's something you've overcome/moved past/have under control, then it's probably worth writing an addendum about it.


That gives me a bit of comfort, then. Thanks.


On a more serious note, are you an undergrad? Because I think this could serve as a great lesson about the importance or clarity over some perceived level of artfulness.


Yeah, undergrad working on my Chemistry and English degrees. I guess I just second-guess having anything important to say, so I try to offset it with whatever you want to refer to that as.

HYPSM

Bronze
Posts: 229
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:27 pm

Re: Can I get some feedback on a Yale 250 here?

Postby HYPSM » Wed Aug 03, 2016 12:31 am

I'm really not feeling this at all, man. It's difficult to understand, but not in a meaningful or profound way that impresses me. It's a little bizarre and I found myself wanting to skim it.

I totally agree with above post: clarity is more important than an overly ambitious attempt at "artfulness" or "creativity."



Return to “Law School Personal Statements?

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.