chemistry/law PS help

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bigdreams44

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chemistry/law PS help

Postby bigdreams44 » Tue Jul 12, 2016 12:06 pm

Hi All,

This is a first draft of a PS I wrote this morning on a whim. I know it's rough but would really appreciate any advice at all (nice or not), as I'm really struggling with a topic. Thank you in advance!


I distinctly remember sobbing uncontrollably and staring out of the kitchen window of our apartment at the other children walking into school when my mother made me stay home sick. This may sound silly, but it perfectly describes my competitive nature and attitude toward learning. I was outraged that other students would be learning new material and becoming smarter than I was, or so I thought. To this day, I strive to be the hardest worker and submerse myself in my work and education. While I have an endless list of interests, the two fields that have won my heart and attention are chemistry and law.

As an undergraduate forensic science major, I had the luxury of taking hard science and criminal justice courses. Originally torn between the fields of chemistry and law, I learned of a Supreme Court case that made me realize I could pursue a career that involves both fields. This was the case involving patents on cDNA of breast cancer genes held by Myriad Genetics, Inc., but denying them patents on the originally isolated DNA. I envied the attorney who had the knowledge and opportunity to argue this case and decided that was the career I desired. Henceforth, I have become steadfast in my pursuit of advanced degrees to maximize the opportunities for a career as a patent attorney.

Part one of my journey entailed my participation on my college’s mock trial team and physical chemistry research. I played the roles of attorney and expert witness, improving my presentation skills and explaining difficult scientific evidence in layman’s terms. I learned how to look at a case impartially and work as a team to prosecute and defend the accused in the case. A full course load, almost full-time job, mock trial, and research required me to successfully balance many responsibilities. I viewed this as a challenge and there is nothing I love more than a challenge. As I began taking on more responsibilities and more difficult courses, my multi-tasking abilities improved, along with my GPA.

Also as an undergraduate, my mother was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis (RA), which is a debilitating autoimmune disease that erodes the body’s joints. Part two of journey involved graduate level biochemistry research on proteins directly related to RA, which was extremely rewarding, as the cause of RA is largely unknown and I felt I was truly contributing to the field. My fellow chemistry graduate students could never understand why I was spending twelve or more hours per day performing biochemistry research in my lab if I wanted to be an attorney. The simple answer is that I believe a Master’s degree in chemistry will increase my future career opportunities, but it is much more than that. I love the challenge that chemistry presents and the skills that I have learned through biochemistry research are largely transferrable to law school and a career as a patent attorney.

With a maximum of around six graduate students in a graduate level chemistry course, grades were a competition. To acquire the A in a course, you must have a final score better than the other graduate students. I thoroughly enjoyed this competition because it is difficult to beat someone who does not give up. I was constantly trying to be that person and always will. Initially nervous about entering graduate level chemistry courses without having learned certain areas of chemistry as an undergraduate while others have (e.g. inorganic chemistry), this competition was exciting, caused me to push harder, and in most cases succeed.

Graduate level biochemistry research required serious dedication, persistence, ability to solve spontaneous issues, and work quickly and independently. The long days I have spent conducting research in lab have ended but the long nights that I spent contemplating how to improve these skills continue. I strongly believe that to be successful, you must constantly be learning from your experiences and developing your abilities. While finishing my research and thesis to obtain my M.S. in chemistry, I began an internship at the ______ office, where I performed legal research and summarized court cases. Furthermore, I have spent a significant amount of time anticipating how I will apply the skills I mentioned above in law school.

I will contribute my scientific background and perspective to all class discussions at _______ law school, where I will also become very involved in the diverse culture. I will remain enthusiastic, hardworking, and competitive in my pursuit of a law degree. Thus far, I have submersed myself in the field of biochemistry research and obtained my M.S. in chemistry. I would be eternally grateful for the opportunity to begin part three of my journey at _______ law school to prepare me for my goal of becoming a patent attorney.

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FayRays

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Re: chemistry/law PS help

Postby FayRays » Thu Jul 21, 2016 1:42 am

bigdreams44 wrote:e eternally grateful for the opportunity to begin part three of my journey at _______ law school to prepare me for my goal of becoming a patent attorney.



Well, first of all congratulations on getting a master degree in a very hard field like Chemistry.
Secondly, I liked your personal statement, .. I liked your ambitious, and your driven nature. I also admire your work and dedications.
It all look fantastic, but it also look somewhat like a detached scientist explaining about why his/her research or experiences worked and what methods he/she conducted to achieve that.

You get what I mean right? You make it look like a scientific paper, and this is expected as you are scientist after all, but where are you?
Other than that great smart person who loves challenges and very smart and ambitious, we can't know anything else about you.
Your paper lack emotions, like for example your mother diagnosis, you could have added more lines to describe how that affected her and you and stuff like that.
and also you said you have hobbies, what hobbies, you didn't mention them at all and your the end of your statement need to be more powerful.

Again I repeat I liked your personal statements, but it needs more flavor in it!



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