Please look at my statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
appleheadg

New
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:03 pm

Please look at my statement

Postby appleheadg » Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:05 pm

deleted
Last edited by appleheadg on Wed May 04, 2016 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mynameismyname

Bronze
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 1:56 am

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby mynameismyname » Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:29 pm

I like it. Well written and flows well.

User avatar
lymenheimer

Gold
Posts: 3979
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2015 1:54 am

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby lymenheimer » Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:12 am

I don't like it. You should reevaluate how you write this and how you want to actually represent the profession that you are trying to enter (hint: don't demean either side of it, regardless of what your book projects). You tell too much. You have a bunch of unnecessary information. It's too stream-of-thought. You can use elements of this and go a more traditional approach. I would advise to do so. Not that adcomms won't enjoy reading it. But risky is easier to get it wrong and hurt you than help.

holymolyoly

New
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2016 3:14 pm

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby holymolyoly » Thu Feb 25, 2016 12:20 pm

[deleted]
Last edited by holymolyoly on Thu Jul 06, 2017 10:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

appleheadg

New
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:03 pm

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby appleheadg » Thu Feb 25, 2016 3:40 pm

deleted
Last edited by appleheadg on Wed May 04, 2016 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LeahNicole

New
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2016 7:12 pm

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby LeahNicole » Thu Feb 25, 2016 7:44 pm

Reading this was awkward because it has unnecessary information that makes it wordy, yet at the same time most of the sentences are short and choppy. The amount of short sentences ruins the flow of your writing. I think the concept of a non-traditional essay is great and can show a lot of personality that will make your application stand out, however, the execution of such an essay has to be damn near perfect. This piece simply seems too unpolished to pull it off.

appleheadg

New
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:03 pm

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby appleheadg » Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:10 pm

deleted
Last edited by appleheadg on Wed May 04, 2016 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

appleheadg

New
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:03 pm

Re: Please look at my statement

Postby appleheadg » Wed May 04, 2016 8:39 pm

deleted



Return to “Law School Personal Statements�

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.