please help with personal statement! (swap/Critique) Forum

[Anonymous User]

hello everyone, I made some changes to my personal statement and would love any feedback you can give. Edits, comments suggestions. My concern is that it may have too much of a negative tone and that it does not keep the reader engaged.

Thank You!

Some people are never lucky enough to hit on rock bottom, but I have been blessed by tragedy. I was born to two 16 years old, drug addict, and high school drop outs who separated before my first birthday. First, I lived with my mom. She had one abusive boyfriend after another. We lived in run down apartments and at times we were homeless. By the time I was six years old, I had to be a mother to my three younger brothers, and now I have eleven siblings between both of my parents. Both my parents were often in trouble with the law. Eventually my mom went to prison, my siblings went to foster care, and I was given to my dad.
I started to learn the definition of strength when I began my nightmarish life with my father. As a child my dad physically and sexually abused me for years. I never told anyone because he threatened my siblings and my life. My dad could never hold a job due to his severe drug and alcohol problems. We lived in five houses by the time I was in junior high and I went to six different high schools. With my abusive home life and no parental guidance, I never really knew the importance of school. I worked through high school to be able to move out and find a better way of life. By the grace of God, who gave me strength, I graduated high school and moved out at the age of 17. Once I was free, my biggest fear was anyone finding out what my dad, did because I was doing everything I could to move on and forget about what happened. As a child I never really thought I would make it to college let alone graduate. When I moved out, I decided to start my education at a community college. I worked to support myself through school and sacrificed a lot for my education. I taught myself the skills I needed to be a great student while working fulltime. I thought as I succeeded in school and work that I was breaking the chains of my childhood, later I realized I’d been running.
I stopped running and knew I had to take a stand when I thought my baby sister was at risk of my father’s abuse. I decided to take legal action against my father. Going through the steps of the legal system, I felt as though I was reliving every painful moment of my childhood. Being questioned by the detective and my family forced me to think critically about everything that had happened to me. This situation forced me to confront the pain from which I’d been running for so long.
Once I stood up from rock bottom I analyzed everything that happened and started accepting the truth no matter how painful it is. I no longer saw myself as a victim but as a survivor. The blessings in disguise are the character qualities, perspective, and skills I acquired through my life. I was given life experience that others may never have. I learned how to take care of myself and others in the worst conditions, how to do the right thing even when it is hard, how to never give up, and adapt to succeed. Life has shaped me into a strong and resilient person. Life experience coupled with my passion for education and the legal field will make me a great law student and one day a great attorney.
My undergraduate work in paralegal studies has opened my mind to how the legal systems works and lots of intriguing areas of law. Also, my personal and work experiences gives me a unique perspective to add to the study of law. My personal life experience had instilled many qualities into me that add to who I am. I am strong because I have broken and now know my weaknesses. I am wise because now I have faced my fears, learned from my mistakes, and know the differences between illusions and reality. My work experience has also given me many great qualities. Working in the restaurant industry for 8 years has taught hard-work, leadership, and humanity. My volunteer work with the Make-A-Wish Foundation and with the Narcotics Anonymous Organization has furthered instilled the importance of humanity to me. Being kind, compassionate, and understanding of others gives me an open mind and allows me to see deeper with different perspectives on things in life. I believe the study of law will benefit from this perspective. Making a positive impact by integrating humanity and ethical conduct into the study and practice of law is a how I will uniquely add to the legal field.