Personal statement Forum

[DestingoPemelo]

Thanks for all your advice!

[cbbinnyc]

You definitely need to have somebody go through this and clean up the English. But, before you do that, you might want to consider some more overall changes.

The story of working for earthquake relief and then connecting that to your father's mental health issue is powerful and should certainly be the centerpiece of this essay. IMO, you should cut all of the bragging. It will likely come off as obnoxious and out of place in a personal statement. Your resume is where you put your accomplishments; the PS is not for listing and bragging about your accomplishments, it's about conveying your personality and discussing things that can't come across in a resume. Further, talking about your accomplishments detracts from the power of the human stories in your statement.

To be more specific, cut the second paragraph and cut the story about getting the proof before anybody else. Focus on the stories and try to tie that theme to your interest in law.

On a side note (I know this is off topic, but I can't resist) your reasons for going to law school are interesting. You will already have a PhD in Econ, want to be a professor, but are going to law school? Seems unnecessary to your career goals. But, then again, I'm sure you've got your reasons, just found it curious.

[DestingoPemelo]

hi cbbinnyc, thx so much for the reply! That's awesome! Yup I think I definitely should cut paragraph two. For the math proof part, I originally intended to frame it as a story of overcoming an academic adversity (but later deleted the adversity part for fear that it may sound negative). Would you think it will be appropriate in a ps if I rewrite it that way?

For the side note you made, I should have said it more clearly - I am currently doing MS and intend to apply for PhD in 1L. Frankly I think getting a JD would make my life easier, as I can then get a place in the academia by doing interdisciplinary researches - getting a tenure in econ is highly stressful & my father's mental illness is partly hereditary. I don't want to subject myself to too much risks

You definitely need to have somebody go through this and clean up the English. But, before you do that, you might want to consider some more overall changes.

The story of working for earthquake relief and then connecting that to your father's mental health issue is powerful and should certainly be the centerpiece of this essay. IMO, you should cut all of the bragging. It will likely come off as obnoxious and out of place in a personal statement. Your resume is where you put your accomplishments; the PS is not for listing and bragging about your accomplishments, it's about conveying your personality and discussing things that can't come across in a resume. Further, talking about your accomplishments detracts from the power of the human stories in your statement.

To be more specific, cut the second paragraph and cut the story about getting the proof before anybody else. Focus on the stories and try to tie that theme to your interest in law.

On a side note (I know this is off topic, but I can't resist) your reasons for going to law school are interesting. You will already have a PhD in Econ, want to be a professor, but are going to law school? Seems unnecessary to your career goals. But, then again, I'm sure you've got your reasons, just found it curious.

[cbbinnyc]

hi cbbinnyc, thx so much for the reply! That's awesome! Yup I think I definitely should cut paragraph two. For the math proof part, I originally intended to frame it as a story of overcoming an academic adversity (but later deleted the adversity part for fear that it may sound negative). Would you think it will be appropriate in a ps if I rewrite it that way?

For the side note you made, I should have said it more clearly - I am currently doing MS and intend to apply for PhD in 1L. Frankly I think getting a JD would make my life easier, as I can then get a place in the academia by doing interdisciplinary researches - getting a tenure in econ is highly stressful & my father's mental illness is partly hereditary. I don't want to subject myself to too much risks

You definitely need to have somebody go through this and clean up the English. But, before you do that, you might want to consider some more overall changes.

The story of working for earthquake relief and then connecting that to your father's mental health issue is powerful and should certainly be the centerpiece of this essay. IMO, you should cut all of the bragging. It will likely come off as obnoxious and out of place in a personal statement. Your resume is where you put your accomplishments; the PS is not for listing and bragging about your accomplishments, it's about conveying your personality and discussing things that can't come across in a resume. Further, talking about your accomplishments detracts from the power of the human stories in your statement.

To be more specific, cut the second paragraph and cut the story about getting the proof before anybody else. Focus on the stories and try to tie that theme to your interest in law.

On a side note (I know this is off topic, but I can't resist) your reasons for going to law school are interesting. You will already have a PhD in Econ, want to be a professor, but are going to law school? Seems unnecessary to your career goals. But, then again, I'm sure you've got your reasons, just found it curious.

Well, I'd have to see another draft to know for sure, but as a general rule there is nothing wrong with discussing an adversity that you overcame. (And, on a second read, I see that you do mention having struggled in math.) I think a bigger issue is that the math topic seems a little tangential if your main theme is "Where is our place in the middle of this calamity".