Video Game PS - First Blood Part 2 Forum

[LazyPaladin]

Back again. Still having a bit of issue with the conclusion because I have a burning desire to be poetic, but aside that I think it's been cleaned up nicely thus far.

The lights slowly dim around me, the ambient noise fades as my headset is adjusted, and my sole focus is on the 23-inch plastic and crystal display in front of me. Center stage yet again. My hands begin to drift across a mechanical keyboard with the dexterity of a pianist and the precision of a surgeon, and the sound of the switches firing is all that resonates from the periphery. Now is all that matters, and with that thought, the gates open to Summoner's Rift – the customary battleground for League of Legends. Every keystroke, every ability, the commands, the tactical maneuvers – they all erupt into a crescendo, and in a fleeting moment, the blue crystals float to the forefront of my screen. “Victory!”

Video games have always been an integral part of my life; they served both as the crux for bonding with family and friends and as the medium for seeking out communities and meeting new people. They were the canvas for my self-expression, on which I could showcase my individuality, my creativity and analysis, my leadership, and my strategy. Games serve as tools that connect people and ideas. They build communities and inspire creativity – and they showed me how to combine an unlikely set of passions into a potential future.

My senior year of college consisted of an internship at [name of firm], one of the largest law firms in Pennsylvania; managing the finances of three different on-campus organizations; heading the upperclassman apartment complex with over 150 students; competing in varsity athletics; taking classes; and writing a senior thesis. In the culmination of four years in the honors program, the capstone, my 15 minutes of fame came during an honors week presentation in front of my colleagues, professors and other esteemed guests. My name was called and I took the stage, proudly announcing the title of my work: “Copyright in the Digital Age: The Importance of Transformative Use in Video Game Streaming.” The purpose of my thesis was to examine how copyright laws affected players and streaming services when the traditionally accepted precedent of fair use did not afford enough protections from potentially vexatious litigation. In a field of honors students who wrote on all topics (including aluminum conversions, gene sequences, the importance of limited power for the executive branch, and even increasing funding to libraries to spur community growth), I was talking about the future of video games on equal ground.

At the conclusion of my presentation, I had already anticipated the first question: “Why?” More specifically, “Why is this important to the average person?” As if on cue, I picked a hand from the audience and smiled as the question arose. Although my thesis addressed the issue of importance in the context of the industry I evaluated, the question stems from a certain lack of understanding about video game culture in society. With the rise of technology at an exponential pace, the issues surrounding newer forms of entertainment often conflict with decades old intellectual property laws or ambitious, but overreaching and vague legislation. It would seem as if every generation begets its own Betamax case.

For me, simply playing the game would no longer suffice; my focus grew beyond that. It became about the players, personalities, and communities; how ineffective current intellectual property laws are, and the dangers they pose to innovation and creative expression. As a future attorney, I want to be on the teams that pioneer greater analysis of intellectual property laws and their repercussions. I want to assist clients in protecting their intellectual property, their ideas, and be the reason they can see those victorious blue crystals.

[smaug]

scrap it, write about something else, or write about copyright and your thesis (which sounds pretty cool) but make it less thematic

[pleadthafif]

Post removed...

[encore1101]

I actually don't think its that video games as a subject matter is per se undo-able, but I think you can arrange it better to take the focus on the video game aspect of it.

Instead of opening with you playing video games, open it in reverse. Start with you delivering your thesis, and how out of place it must have sounded following someone talking about DNA mapping or whatever. Give concrete examples. Don't just say "in a presentation where other interns gave presentations on variety of topics (such as...)." Instead, say "The presenter before me just finished his presentation on in utero gene modification (or whatever)."


Then compare the current situation with video games to the previous generation's betamax, or even bring up how the legal field seems always one step behind technology. Talk about how e-sports is gaining mainstream media recognition and the level of prizes, so it doesn't sound like you're just a millenial slacker.

[LazyPaladin]

Were you a professional LoL player or what? I floated a PS about being a professional poker player to my prelaw advisor and she told me to pick another topic.

I wanted to keep it to just gaming, but thought it was too vague and my thesis is specifically on the League of Legends/Twitch relationship (while it brings in case history and mentions eSports in a general feel, it was really focused on those two). Amateur SC2 player (couple of tournaments) is about the furthest my competitiveness went.

The goal was basically, as outlined in the second paragraph "I've had an interesting (I hope) road to why I want to do what I want to do, here's a story about the culmination of the work I've done and what I hope to accomplish." It's a culture I'm fond and a display of how the convergence of two passions met to become my capstone in UG. Granted, it's nothing like studying in a foreign country and immersing yourself in a different culture, doing life changing volunteer work, or exceptional legal work on a huge case, but it's me. I know it might fall outside of the traditional spectrum, but isn't that what these are for anyway? To differentiate yourself in a numbers driven world?

[LazyPaladin]

I actually don't think its that video games as a subject matter is per se undo-able, but I think you can arrange it better to take the focus on the video game aspect of it.

Instead of opening with you playing video games, open it in reverse. Start with you delivering your thesis, and how out of place it must have sounded following someone talking about DNA mapping or whatever. Then compare the current situation with video games to the previous generation's betamax, or even bring up how the legal field seems always one step behind technology. Talk about how e-sports is gaining mainstream media recognition and the level of prizes, so it doesn't sound like you're just a millenial slacker.

This was actually the first approach I took (pre-TLS draft). The main problem was that it sounded exactly like my thesis; just a regurgitation of how these situations keep arising due to authorship and fair use issues why it's all a problem with how big eSports is getting. I didn't want this to be a focus on simply my thesis (although, it is a key part) - I wanted it to be about why I chose to do this as a topic and how it affected me as opposed to just discussing relevant case law and issues (although, these obviously support the point I'm making, but I didn't want it to become the point in and of itself, if that makes sense).

Where does it come across that I'd be a millennial slacker? just wondering.

[Alive97]

I wonder if your successive paragraphs could have a little more glue between them. With the opening paragraph about playing a video game, it seems to me there should be some discussion later in the statement about playing. If the games are your canvas for different important things in life, as you say, then switching completely to your thesis without any other discussion of them being your canvas seems to me to be a big jump. I'm not sure how exactly it should take shape, but that's where I would start. My strategy might be to display some conviction about why games are important, and why the playing of them and interaction with communities is relevant to choosing law school.

[LazyPaladin]

I wonder if your successive paragraphs could have a little more glue between them. With the opening paragraph about playing a video game, it seems to me there should be some discussion later in the statement about playing. If the games are your canvas for different important things in life, as you say, then switching completely to your thesis without any other discussion of them being your canvas seems to me to be a big jump. I'm not sure how exactly it should take shape, but that's where I would start. My strategy might be to display some conviction about why games are important, and why the playing of them and interaction with communities is relevant to choosing law school.

I think I see what you're saying; open up the second paragraph to give actual examples of in-game leadership/analytical situations etc,. ?

I guess the part about "combine an unlikely set of passions" is kind of misleading, it should really be more of "inspired and focused my passions through an unlikely approach".

Thanks for the input

[Chill_Out]

scrap it, write about something else, or write about copyright and your thesis (which sounds pretty cool) but make it less thematic

I agree with the quoted advice. If your write about a video-game experience, I promise that you will underperform your numbers.

[LazyPaladin]

scrap it, write about something else, or write about copyright and your thesis (which sounds pretty cool) but make it less thematic

I agree with the quoted advice. If your write about a video-game experience, I promise that you will underperform your numbers.

Well, here's my thoughts on it, in a bit more depth.

In terms of what, based on my research and interpretations, a personal statement is to convey is an answer to these seven questions. It is supposed to be something that distinguishes you from everyone else, perhaps the only thing that saves your from being just an LSAC account number. Let's go through these points:

1. Have you demonstrated intellectual excellence? Writing a senior thesis on copyright law and its effects on two industries would most likely lead the reader to believe that I've been able to research and digest a good amount of legal material and that I'm capable of adding my own particular spin on it.

2. Have you had a tangible impact on individuals or groups? Not written out; as I'm writing this, I'm thinking of how to include when I reached out to an attorney who deals with eSports, advised on certain issues and eventually co-authored a white paper with him (not a huge academic publication, but it was still pretty cool). In short, I excluded a piece because it wasn't directly impactful - but there is some potential I guess. I'll count this one against me.

3. Have you demonstrated good leadership skills? Not evident. So no, strike 2. (While I can lead BRF/HFC raids...not the same thing)

4. Have you had real world experience? Alluded to working at a large law firm; perhaps should add some responsibilities (but they are in my resume, so I didn't want to fill my PS with resume material) and also helped with the attorney mentioned in 2, but obviously not evident in my paper.

5. Can you look at an issue from multiple perspectives? I'd like to say that the way I blend video games and IP law is pretty multi-faceted. Of course, the way this question is structured is more of a "how do you handle conflicts with personal beliefs or can you look at things objectively"; but I think the first application still applies to the broader context of taking an academic and interdisciplinary approach to things.

6. What will you bring to our school? Korean level mechanics. The West is falling behind...but, I'd like to think it brings a unique perspective on a common form of entertainment. It's 'different' and hopefully my perspective is something an adcom would say "this person would bring a different way of thinking into a 1L classroom". I guess that's the goal for all of these PS's.

7. What brings you to our school? The IP program? Pretty generic answer, although I'd like to think this question is reserved for targeted essays.

NOW, let's address the quoted advice.

scrap it

While I'm not opposed to changing this idea - WHY? Also:

If your write about a video-game experience, I promise that you will underperform your numbers.

Again, why? It's non-traditional, yes. Perhaps it has a negative stigma with older generations? I don't honestly know.

Apologies if this sounds extremely defensive, however, simply telling someone NOT to do something without expanding on the point to a degree that makes a logical argument doesn't help me. If it was some anecdotal experience of "oh I wrote on this subject and was denied for X,Y,Z..." or, "I've had students who've wrote on it and received unfavorable feedback" (although I'd still probably take this with a grain of salt).

To address the bold "video-game experience", it's not solely about video games, its about my thesis and how it involved gaming, which was an important aspect of my life growing up, and still is today.

...or write about copyright and your thesis (which sounds pretty cool) but make it less thematic

My thesis is about how video game developers, players and streaming companies are affected by/can utilize intellectual property laws to the benefit/detriment of other groups (in a nutshell) while addressing the drastic rise in popularity of eSports. It still addresses video games. If I went the 'less thematic' route, I believe it would remove the personal element of my personal statement and fail to give it my unique touch, which, if my PS can do without, fine, but I'd appreciate some elaboration on what you had in mind.

If you read all of this, thank you and I appreciate any constructive advice offered.

[smaug]

no really just scrap it on revamp it and include some reason why you think your thesis is interesting

the background knowledge required to understand your PS is too high and involves assumptions that the reader won't share

your thesis sounds cool

find a better way to approach it that doesn't involve you playing videogames

how did you get into writing it? what was it like talking to professors about it? how did you change their minds on things?

[LazyPaladin]

no really just scrap it on revamp it and include some reason why you think your thesis is interesting

the background knowledge required to understand your PS is too high and involves assumptions that the reader won't share

your thesis sounds cool

find a better way to approach it that doesn't involve you playing videogames

how did you get into writing it? what was it like talking to professors about it? how did you change their minds on things?

Damn, that was quick.

Ah, your three questions were kind of the original intentions I had writing it, but I ran into some difficulty articulating my thoughts on the matter and I felt as if my PS became extremely long-winded. Basically I had no idea what to do for a thesis topic because I like being able to just do everything and narrowing down to one specific thing I might not enjoy was not something I looked forward to. I was in business law and we had a case on first sale that just came up (Kirtsaeng v. John Wiley - textbook resale abroad) and I found it really interesting and decided to do IP. Obviously IP is still a broad category so I needed to narrow it down and it was either first sale or fair use. Shortly thereafter, one of my favorite personalities, Totalbiscuit, posted this video about how his video & business was affected by utilizing current IP standards maliciously. That kind of sealed the deal and, as fate would have it, league of legends was having it's world championships at the time and Twitch.tv was exploding so I kind of took that model and said "what if this happened on a larger scale" and boom. ideas.

my professors weren't really too against it...it took a little convincing, but it wasn't some great ordeal. Once I gave them my plan they were essentially giving me creative freedom.

[smaug]

I still think there are things in your most recent post that you could explore and use as a means of restructuring your essay

even youtube is far more relatable than twitch

I don't think it'll be hard for you to revamp and have something better, I really would just avoid the "i'm playing videogames!" angle if it were me

[LazyPaladin]

Alright, round 3 inc.

I appreciate the follow up from your original post, thanks.

[Alive97]

I'm not sure it's necessarily the case that you should abandon the topic of playing video games. Of course you'd have to talk about more than simply playing, and you'd have to convey with conviction that video games are a valid topic here. The blanket statement that playing video games has a stigma and should not be written about is precisely the preconceived notion you could counter as part of your PS.

It's an idea anyway. You're tying the "canvas"/community aspect in with other things; it's not just about playing video games. It's what you're passionate about, which is where your conviction could come from. Granted, you'd have to make a convincing argument, but that convincing argument is what is compelling about a PS IMO. Sticking to the formula "I read I should answer these 7 questions and that's what everyone else does" probably makes a PS boring IMO.

But, it could still be the case that other topics are less risky.

[mornincounselor]

Post removed.

[fats provolone]

if you are going to write about playing games your theme should be "hey I'm playing in a video game competition isn't that nuts? actually it's not, let me explain why" not "I'm playing video games on a stage how cool is that?"

[PeterGibbons90]

My thoughts:

First of all, I like the topic and I'm pleasantly surprised by that. I winced thinking I'd be reading some glorification of video game culture from a lazy underachiever who was trying to spin his hobby into a soft admissions factor. This essay did not do that.

People are telling you to scrap the topic. I disagree. You are confronting a risky theme, but it also has the potential to surprise and impress Adcomms if executed effectively because I think you are instantly piquing an adcomms' attention when you are writing about something that may have negative connotations given its irrelevance to law school.

But this is going to require extensive editing. I agree with the posters here that you need to try to make a stronger bond between your passion and the practicality of your interest's relation to law school. I specifically think you need to tone down the language about video games being some grand leadership/social immersive endeavor. Instead I agree with fats, you need to Play To Your Audience using the video games as a "hook" into how something seemingly disconnected from law school actually serves as a practical sequitur for law school.

I just want to close with don't give up this topic. Your persistence in writing it shows this is the personal statement you feel most confident about submitting, and I think that will show in the final product.

[LazyPaladin]

But this is going to require extensive editing. I agree with the posters here that you need to try to make a stronger bond between your passion and the practicality of your interest's relation to law school. I specifically think you need to tone down the language about video games being some grand leadership/social immersive endeavor. Instead I agree with fats, you need to play to your audience using the video games as a "hook" into how something seemingly disconnected from law school actually serves as a practical sequitur for law school.

I just want to close with don't give up this topic. Your persistence in writing it shows this is the personal statement you feel most confident about submitting, and I think that will show in the final product.

Yeah, I think I'm going to take a more broad opening about current entertainment in general and try to transition it into how eSports has become a very large area (sort of what fats recommended); obviously I don't intend to be strictly a "video-game attorney" and yes, it's sort of a thing (not taking anything away from DPG, he's great). I do intend to stick with the topic though, I like the risk - I think that, in the proper form, it would adequately portray my personality and convictions, showing calculated risk in choosing such a taboo (eh) topic for an admissions essay.

In the meantime, I think I'll remove my poetic opening and give it a more typical bait & hook for the essay. I think that might be a bit more professional and easier to parlay into the whole "video games are relevant" topic and my thesis. It will probably benefit more from a bit more detail regarding my subject matter. Basically, I'll take a similar approach as I did with my thesis; open up with the myths surrounding the culture, explain their misconceptions while introducing relevance to LS and my hopefully future career.

[Alive97]

Glad to hear you decided to stick with it. I'm a gamer and SC2 player as well btw .

[encore1101]

First of all, I like the topic and I'm pleasantly surprised by that. I winced thinking I'd be reading some glorification of video game culture from a lazy underachiever who was trying to spin his hobby into a soft admissions factor. This essay did not do that.

Re: my above quote about "millenial slacker," this is what I meant. I'm familiar with e-sports and the level of dedication, talent, and intelligence it requires, but an older ad-comm who's not familiar with it may see it as how PeterGibbons described.

[Widdle_Dumpling]

My PS (and honors thesis) has to do with video games too! Here's to hoping its not a liability.
The first paragraph reads like an introduction to an interview with a professional gamer. That in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but considering the gamer is you, and that the fact that you're good at playing video games isn't important to law school, it reads a little oddly. If I were an admissions officer (I'm not :/) it feels like I wouldn't care that you win in LOL, but that you've thought deeply and critically about it/done academic work in it. The comparisons with the pianist and surgeon could also be read as arrogance. I'd recommend restructuring or just going without.

Good luck!

[LazyPaladin]

My PS (and honors thesis) has to do with video games too! Here's to hoping its not a liability.
The first paragraph reads like an introduction to an interview with a professional gamer. That in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but considering the gamer is you, and that the fact that you're good at playing video games isn't important to law school, it reads a little oddly. If I were an admissions officer (I'm not :/) it feels like I wouldn't care that you win in LOL, but that you've thought deeply and critically about it/done academic work in it. The comparisons with the pianist and surgeon could also be read as arrogance. I'd recommend restructuring or just going without.

Good luck!

Gold 2 man...soloq life so hard.

I'm working on restructuring it and getting rid of the first part...I'm wondering, if I take fats' approach, would opening with something like...going to MSG to see the NALCS finals and saying how that's not as crazy as it seems and here's my thesis be a bit better? It feels like I'm getting the core of it down, but I'm having some trouble with the actual intro.

[sjp200]

My PS (and honors thesis) has to do with video games too! Here's to hoping its not a liability.
The first paragraph reads like an introduction to an interview with a professional gamer. That in and of itself isn't a bad thing, but considering the gamer is you, and that the fact that you're good at playing video games isn't important to law school, it reads a little oddly. If I were an admissions officer (I'm not :/) it feels like I wouldn't care that you win in LOL, but that you've thought deeply and critically about it/done academic work in it. The comparisons with the pianist and surgeon could also be read as arrogance. I'd recommend restructuring or just going without.

Good luck!

Gold 2 man...soloq life so hard.

I'm working on restructuring it and getting rid of the first part...I'm wondering, if I take fats' approach, would opening with something like...going to MSG to see the NALCS finals and saying how that's not as crazy as it seems and here's my thesis be a bit better? It feels like I'm getting the core of it down, but I'm having some trouble with the actual intro.

Plat 5 here 2 seasons in a row. Soloq harder than solo coordinating law school. Tried to duo with a friend who was silver 2 to help him to get gold...boy is it a different animal. I have like 10 champs I can use on that account, and everyone thinks they're a god so I try and fill instead of just saying "let me carry you". Ooops.

On the PS note, the upside is E-sports is absolutely booming right now (wanted to get a number on how many viewers there were on worlds but never got to that). I like the idea of the topic, but as others have stated the editing needs to link the two in a less "fantastic" way and use more of a reasonable transition. Maybe you want to say something about the team atmosphere of esports and how there was a special bond that developed between you and teammates which obviously highlights the fact that you are team-oriented and have leadership experience, albeit in a nontraditional sense. Also, you could incorporate something about how "all-in" you were if you practiced as much as any professionals, and talk about how you reviewed film, strategy, whatnot for analytical skills.

I'm glad people here are actually giving practical advice for your PS though! All I get is a guy telling me to scrap everything with no actual advice on how to approach it instead and another guy who heeds his every word saying "I agree". At first there was a suggestion to tone down the self-congratulatory statements but after that nothing. I'm sure the guy knows what he's talking about, but saying "no" is not as helpful as saying "no, and here's why".