Critique PS please

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:52 pm

Critique PS please

Postby dexter3 » Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:55 pm

let me know what you all think and what this needs. THX

In 2012, I finished my first marathon in 6 hours 1 minute. That’s not a particularly fast time, but I am particularly proud of it, because I had to run it without the benefit of a full training regimen. Three months before the race, I was involved in a car crash that derailed my training, but I wasn’t about to let that derail my whole goal.
The accident was fast and brutal; my car was the last car on the receiving end of a three-car pileup. I was stopped at a red light and noticed a car approaching me very quickly. As the car got close, its tires screeched and I braced myself for impact. It was going fast and it hit me very hard; my car was not drivable and needed to be towed out of there, and during the collision, I hit my head on the steering wheel and twisted my back. I was in tremendous pain for weeks after. I spent the next two months in rehab, doing stretches and water exercises to loosen up the inflamed nerves in my back. The rehabilitation was slow and painful. I had little range of motion when turning my waist, and it would hurt me instantly when doing most of these exercises and stretches. It hurt, but this is what I believed helped me be loose and healthy for the marathon, since during the rehab I was unable to run at all.
The marathon was the longest race I had ever signed up for. I had run a 10k race a year prior, but never anything like 26.2 miles. When I woke up at 5am on the morning of the marathon, I had a plan. I would run every few miles and then stop before I got too tired, and walk a bit after to recover. I needed to make sure I did this because if I went too hard in the beginning I could risk cramping up, or even worse, not finishing in the allotted 7 hours.
About 8 miles out, the half-marathoners went a different route to head toward their finish line and the full marathoners kept going straight. I noticed all of the half marathon people who turned around with a pang of jealousy; they must have trained hard for this, and now they were almost done.
I however, was about to go deeper on a personal journey that would try me in every way possible. As the miles piled up, I noticed people off to the side , on the ground, cramping up  and being attended to by the marathon medics. A few of them were carted off due to  their injuries. I told myself that was not going to be me—I was going to finish the race, even if that meant crawling past the finish line.
And then, about 3 and a half hours and 18 miles later, the real pain began to set in. My back was tightening up. My hamstrings and calves began to cramp, and this was unlike any pain I had ever experienced in my life; even worse than the car crash. My pace began to slow significantly as I needed to stop and stretch every so often. I kept telling myself that it would all be worth it in the end and that I would soon be part of the 1% of the world population that has completed a race of this length, but the last 4 miles were the hardest, most painful steps I have ever taken in my life.
An older man drifted near me and noticed me struggling and in pain and he said to me "We didn't come this far to stop now, son.” This encouragement pushed me even further and I told myself that this journey was just about to come to an end. Crossing the finish line was amazing; it meant that I had completed one of the hardest tasks ever put in front of me, even with the odds stacked against me. I had a plan and I executed it just the way I needed to.
And now, that race—after the bad crash—is a part of who I am. I know now that there is nothing that I can't do or that I can’t overcome. As long as I put my mind to something and commit to it fully, I can do anything, and I cannot wait to get started on my next challenge of law school.

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Re: Critique PS please

Postby LawsRUs » Mon Apr 20, 2015 4:52 am

OP, what is the prompt for this PS?

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