C&F Addendum Help

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:33 pm

I would like to make the Admissions Committee aware of the circumstances surrounding my Character and Fitness answers.
In or about July #### I carelessly threw a small plastic cup of Dunkin Donuts iced coffee out of the window of a moving vehicle into a group of teenagers. The plastic cup struck one of the teens in the head causing minor injuries. The teen had a small circular mark around his eyes from his glasses striking his face because of the cup that I threw. On August ##,#### in an effort to take responsibility for my actions I gave the utmost honest statement based off my recollection of the events to local police. On that same day, I was issued a summons to appear in court for charges under Penal Law 120.00 02 Third Degree Assault for recklessly causing physical injury to another person. After speaking to Judge ####### with my lawyer on multiple occasion, and providing him with any and all information requested, I was offered an Adjournment Contemplation of Dismissal under Civil Practice Law (CPL) Section 170.55. The court agreed that if I completed seventy hours of community service and was not arrested or issued a summons within the next six months, my case would be dismissed. I humbly obliged this offer and immediately fulfilled my court ordered restitution. The case pending against me was subsequently dismissed six months later.
My actions as an eighteen year old are inexcusable. I made a split second decision without taking the time to think about how my actions could negatively affect others. I never meant to hurt anyone when I threw the cup of iced coffee out the window. I had no malicious intent, I was not aiming for anyone or attempting to strike anyone. I just threw an object out the window into a group of teenagers without even thinking about what might happen. It was an awful mistake that resulted in the minor injury of someone I had never met before. I would never intentionally harm anyone. I regret my decision wholeheartedly and I am certain that this mistake or any mistake that harms someone in anyway will never be repeated. I have learned from this mistake that my actions, even if I believe them to be benign at the time, have ramifications beyond what I may perceive. Rest assured that this issue is the only issue that will ever cast any doubt on my character and fitness for as long as I shall live. However, I honestly believe that the person who made this mistake # years ago, has grown into a more mature, honest and understanding person because of this unique perspective.
In furtherance of full disclosure, I have attached a Certificate of Disposition from the ~~~~~Court~~~~~ indicating the final disposition of my case.

--------------------

Any critique or criticism, constructive or not, is appreciated.

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seespotrun
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby seespotrun » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:39 pm

SBL thread

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:41 pm

seespotrun wrote:SBL thread


?

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Desert Fox
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Desert Fox » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:49 pm

Image

pls incorporate

thank, pathern

mvp99
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby mvp99 » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:50 pm

I didn't like this.

My actions as an eighteen year old are inexcusable. I made a split second decision without taking the time to think about how my actions could negatively affect others. I never meant to hurt anyone when I threw the cup of iced coffee out the window. I had no malicious intent, I was not aiming for anyone or attempting to strike anyone. I just threw an object out the window into a group of teenagers without even thinking about what might happen.

Bolded words make your apologize seem dishonest. Read without it and you'll see the difference.

mvp99
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby mvp99 » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:51 pm

I agree with Desert fox's edit. Don't downplay it. Take responsibility and move on.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Mar 30, 2015 11:57 pm

Desert Fox wrote:Image

pls incorporate

thank, pathern



Thank you for your advice. I will incorporate these changes.

--

I meant to throw the cup in their direction. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. Should I make this clearer, I don't want the Admission Committee to be under the impression that I randomly threw a cup out the window and hit someone in the face.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:01 am

mvp99 wrote:I agree with Desert fox's edit. Don't downplay it. Take responsibility and move on.


Do you think it is effective with Desert's changes?

AReasonableMan
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby AReasonableMan » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:03 am

It's too long. You don't need all the details regarding exact criminal codes, and the exact injuries. The detail of it being iced coffee is important, because just saying "coffee" implies you were trying to burn someone. I'm also kind of curious why it was those teenagers, and not others. Others may not have this concern, but I would react differently to them being strangers or a group of kids you had beef with and them being part of a minority group. Lastly, linguistically, you can't be in a day unless it's some kind of Disney fairy tale.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Mar 31, 2015 12:09 am

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Apr 01, 2015 7:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AReasonableMan
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby AReasonableMan » Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:26 am

Anonymous User wrote:
AReasonableMan wrote:It's too long. You don't need all the details regarding exact criminal codes, and the exact injuries. The detail of it being iced coffee is important, because just saying "coffee" implies you were trying to burn someone. I'm also kind of curious why it was those teenagers, and not others. Others may not have this concern, but I would react differently to them being strangers or a group of kids you had beef with and them being part of a minority group. Lastly, linguistically, you can't be in a day unless it's some kind of Disney fairy tale.


It was a complete random group of teenagers. I don't know the person I hit.

I'd be interested in what psychological counseling you received. Maybe I'm biased, but to me immaturity seems like fist fighting, smoking a joint while watching fireworks or even shoplifting. Basically the thought "I want" followed by a lack of prefrontal cortex development that causes you to seek what you want without regard for risk or other people. I can't for the life of me understand the temptation to break a random kid's face or soil them with iced coffee, which leads me to assume you were disturbed. My concern wouldn't be maturity so much as it would be trying to get to the bottom of the underlying motivation.

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AnonymousAlterEgoC
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby AnonymousAlterEgoC » Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:45 am

Desert Fox killed it.

It was way too long. Don't bother repeating yourself. Strive for brevity. By belaboring it, you amplify it.

Also, in line with other posters, I would wait to drop your age detail until closer to the end.

I'd be interested in what psychological counseling you received. Maybe I'm biased, but to me immaturity seems like fist fighting, smoking a joint while watching fireworks or even shoplifting. Basically the thought "I want" followed by a lack of prefrontal cortex development that causes you to seek what you want without regard for risk or other people. I can't for the life of me understand the temptation to break a random kid's face or soil them with iced coffee, which leads me to assume you were disturbed. My concern wouldn't be maturity so much as it would be trying to get to the bottom of the underlying motivation.


I basically disagree with all of this. It's easy for me (perhaps I need therapy) to imagine some silly teenager thinking it would be funny to throw a plastic cup of iced coffee (was it plastic?) at someone. The solution to this type of behavior is not therapy but maturity. Therapy for basically vandalism/mischief?

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prodigal.daughter
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby prodigal.daughter » Wed Apr 01, 2015 8:58 am

AnonymousAlterEgoC wrote:
I'd be interested in what psychological counseling you received. Maybe I'm biased, but to me immaturity seems like fist fighting, smoking a joint while watching fireworks or even shoplifting. Basically the thought "I want" followed by a lack of prefrontal cortex development that causes you to seek what you want without regard for risk or other people. I can't for the life of me understand the temptation to break a random kid's face or soil them with iced coffee, which leads me to assume you were disturbed. My concern wouldn't be maturity so much as it would be trying to get to the bottom of the underlying motivation.


I basically disagree with all of this. It's easy for me (perhaps I need therapy) to imagine some silly teenager thinking it would be funny to throw a plastic cup of iced coffee (was it plastic?) at someone. The solution to this type of behavior is not therapy but maturity. Therapy for basically vandalism/mischief?

But the OP didn't even know the person. I could imagine how some silly teenager would think it would be funny to throw a plastic cup (assuming it was plastic, of course) at friends or something. (I still think it's ridiculous and beyond immature, but I could imagine the mindset.) I cannot, however, imagine how it could be considered funny to risk hurting a group of complete strangers. I also cannot imagine how it would be considered okay to throw anything out of a car window in the first place, because to me, that seems to add a whole different level to this than if the cup had been tossed while standing next to the group.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Apr 01, 2015 5:42 pm

AnonymousAlterEgoC wrote:Desert Fox killed it.

It was way too long. Don't bother repeating yourself. Strive for brevity. By belaboring it, you amplify it.

Also, in line with other posters, I would wait to drop your age detail until closer to the end.

I'd be interested in what psychological counseling you received. Maybe I'm biased, but to me immaturity seems like fist fighting, smoking a joint while watching fireworks or even shoplifting. Basically the thought "I want" followed by a lack of prefrontal cortex development that causes you to seek what you want without regard for risk or other people. I can't for the life of me understand the temptation to break a random kid's face or soil them with iced coffee, which leads me to assume you were disturbed. My concern wouldn't be maturity so much as it would be trying to get to the bottom of the underlying motivation.


I basically disagree with all of this. It's easy for me (perhaps I need therapy) to imagine some silly teenager thinking it would be funny to throw a plastic cup of iced coffee (was it plastic?) at someone. The solution to this type of behavior is not therapy but maturity. Therapy for basically vandalism/mischief?


I also agree with Desert. I left out the age completely and just left the date of the incident. Thanks for your advice.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Apr 01, 2015 5:54 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Apr 01, 2015 7:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Apr 01, 2015 6:02 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Apr 01, 2015 7:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Apr 01, 2015 6:56 pm

As written, your addendum raises more concerns than it alleviates, in my opinion. Try to condense your explanation & present it in a clear & concise manner. Also, start with "On or about" rather than "In or about".

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Re: C&F Addendum Help

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Apr 01, 2015 7:11 pm

Consider:

A few years ago, I was charged with third degree assault because I carelessly threw a small plastic cup containing iced coffee out of a window of a moving vehicle. Unfortunately, the plastic cup accidently struck a teenage pedestrian and caused a minor facial bruise. I accepted an offer of deferred adjudication which resulted in a dismissal after 70 hours of community service & six months without any additional infractions.




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