please critique my personal statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Rich
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 3:57 am

please critique my personal statement

Postby Rich » Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:29 pm

I have responded to several calls in the past but this one felt different. I felt fear. Fear of the unknown, fear for my friends and fear for my safety. As my partners and I arrived on scene, the full depth of this situation became clear. An intoxicated, armed individual intended to kill us. On June 13th, 2013, I began a journey of depression, denial, healing and finally, the role of counselor.
How does one value human life? As a State Trooper and former Military Police officer, I have seen death. I have witnessed the atrocities humans can perpetrate upon one another or themselves. The rapes, assaults, crimes against children, domestic disturbances, car crashes and deaths have seared themselves in my mind. I would deal with these visions or situations with humor or detached indifference. It was much easier to tell a joke than to recognize the horror of some of these situations. Rather than talk with family or fellow law enforcement officers, I held them inside. I failed to recognize the hazard of holding these feelings inside and the potential detrimental effect that may develop. The law enforcement community has a tremendous ego. This will not allow some of us to admit we are having issues or problems with certain situations. I was not immune to this. When I heard gunshots on July 13th, 2013, and saw the suspect had been shot and killed, I could no longer hold these emotions inside. The stress of the situation and tragic outcome manifested itself into nightmares and depression.
I had the nightmare a few times a week and it always had the same outcome. I was ambushed and killed. I was not sleeping and did not notice the change in my personality. My hands would shake with an overpowering sense of anxiety when responding to calls. I was no longer easy-going but only saw the negative. My partners recognized this change but I would deny that anything was wrong. This pattern of questioning and denial continued for the next few months. In November of 2013, I let my guard down when a partner asked, “What the Hell is your problem?” I finally put my ego aside and admitted to him that I needed help.
I met with a post traumatic counselor the following week. I understood that my reaction to this incident was normal. He explained stressful situations and the human reaction. The counseling sessions began my personal healing process and provided me with tools to mend the relationships with my family and partners.
I am not embarrassed that I had to see a counselor. Whenever my partners are involved in any stressful, life-threatening situation, I ensure they are not having issues. I recently recognized that one of my partners was beginning to exhibit the same issues I had developed after the shooting. I talked with him and told him about my experience and my failure to admit that I needed help. He became emotional and said that he had been afraid to talk with anyone. I was able to help him and directed him to seek proper counseling and support.
This incident and resulting events empowered me to learn a great deal about myself. I have learned that ego can be a detriment to one’s long term health and relationships. I will no longer hold those strong emotions inside but will talk to those who can help. I use my experience to help others who are facing similar situations.
The shooting on June 19th, 2013, as unfortunate and tragic as it was for all involved, there was a positive outcome. Sadly, the suspect was ultimately killed as he attempted to shoot my partner but I have become a better person because this experience.

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UOI4430
Posts: 182
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2014 6:29 pm

Re: please critique my personal statement

Postby UOI4430 » Tue Mar 03, 2015 7:20 pm

Hey,

I had a quick look at your PS. Why do you want to become an attorney? You PS doesn't offer any indication of what you hope to do with a law degree.

Rich
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 3:57 am

Re: please critique my personal statement

Postby Rich » Fri Mar 06, 2015 1:06 pm

A friend of mine who is an attorney stated the same thing. I will add the information.

Thanks for your comment !

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LawsRUs
Posts: 1970
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2015 10:40 pm

Re: please critique my personal statement

Postby LawsRUs » Thu Mar 12, 2015 12:10 pm

Hey. thanks for sharing your story. Some recs:
- i agree that the Why Law question has to be explicitly addressed
- i want to know the shooting on July 13th. the sounds, the smells, the sight at the scene. there is where the essay begins. i would scrape the first paragraph--i thought you were doing an intake at a law firm or something
Good draft! GL! Personally I spent a few months rewriting my PS. GL!




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