Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

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Anonymous User
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Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Feb 18, 2015 11:14 am

This may be a bit of a stretch but I would appreciate some feedback as to whether this would be acceptable for an environmental law specific personal statement. The schools I would be applying to are ranked 45-65. This is a rough draft and still needs precise grammar and stylistic editing, which I will do later. Thanks in advance!

My Nana always told me “you can take off a jacket if you bring it, but you can’t put it on if you don’t have it”. This proverb has guided my family and me not only in determining what to bring on an outing but has also served as a general guiding principle for us in day-to-day life. We acquire and use more than we need. This is most readily reflected in my families travel habits. Those who have seen the quantity of items we bring when we travel deservedly call us pack mules. Recently our family’s logic was put to the test. Last summer, we spent three days and two nights backpacking in Yosemite National Park. The gravity of our packing style was imminent. This was neither my nor my fathers first trip backpacking but for the rest of my family, (my younger sister, younger brother and mom) it was. You would think my father and I would have learned to pack light after a taxing week in New Mexico carrying more than forty pounds over fifty miles through the backcountry, but apparently the memory faded. In Yosemite, our packs weighed the same and the grueling results were no different.

The first day, our hike from Yosemite Valley to the top of Yosemite falls was seven miles long and rose nearly 3,000 vertical feet. Within the first ten minutes of hiking up from the valley floor, I knew this was going to be challenging for us. I was in excellent physical conditioning at the time but my father was recovering from surgery and was lagging behind. After about thirty minutes, to help my father, I would run ahead on the trail, set my pack down, and return down the hill to carry his pack up to where I left my pack. The hours of continuous uphill hiking with a heavy backpack will never be forgotten. All is not hopeless; the immensity of the geological features were cruelly rewarding. The views from the trail were the most awe-inspiring moments of natural beauty I have ever experienced.

That first day in Yosemite was life changing for me in two ways. The first lesson I learned in Yosemite was do NOT bring that extra jacket! Instead, plan ahead. Research what is necessary for safe backpacking and anything else is non-essential. Since this trip, I have become increasingly interested in the “art” of lightweight backpacking. Instead of using my six-pound, eighty-five liter pack, I have swapped it for a two pound, sixty-five liter pack. It is hard to bring non-essentials without extra space. Instead of a ten pound, four-man tent, I have swapped it for a two pound, four-person shelter. There may not be a floor but it sure is lighter. It seems as if a new guiding principal is in place: less can be more.

Lightweight backpacking is not just about using lighter gear but also about limiting your supplies to only what is necessary. Mainstream consumerism runs in opposition to this principal. It seems more is necessary for happiness. But since the trip to Yosemite, I have found great pleasure in minimizing my wardrobe, energy use, apps on my phone, and extra “stuff” in return for a smaller environmental impact. Less stuff equals less time worrying about it and grants more time for more holistic endeavors.

The second lesson I learned that first day in Yosemite was that this planet is a beautiful place and it deserves preservation. It’s easy to glace over the importance of environmental conservation growing up in glacier flattened Indiana with a vision of nature as endless rows of cornfields. Before Yosemite, I had visited the Rocky Mountains and Grand Canyon but I was not mature enough to appreciate what I was experiencing. That first day in Yosemite was different. After climbing out of the valley, I vowed not only to experience this pristine natural beauty as much as I can but also to do everything in my power share my appreciation with others. I decided pursing a career in Environmental Law would best match these passions with my skill set. As an avid reader and lover of knowledge, it seems natural to advise others on environmentally sound legal decisions and help others negotiate enacted environmental policy. I realize that one person may not be able to change the world but small sacrifices by everyone can make a huge difference.

whats an updog
Posts: 207
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 am

Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby whats an updog » Wed Feb 18, 2015 4:57 pm

Anonymous User wrote:My Nana always told me “you can take off a jacket if you bring it, but you can’t put it on if you don’t have it”. This proverb has guided my FAMILY AND I not only in determining what to bring on an outing but has also served as a general guiding principle for us in day-to-day life. We acquire and use more than we need. This is most readily reflected in my families travel habits. Those who have seen the quantity of items we bring when we travel deservedly call us pack mules. Recently our family’s logic (practice?) was put to the test. Last summer, we spent three days and two nights backpacking in Yosemite National Park. The gravity of our packing style was imminent (Rephrase, move or strike this sentence). This was neither my nor my fathers first trip backpacking but for the rest of my family, (my younger sister, younger brother and mom) it was. You would think my father and I would have learned to pack light after a taxing week in New Mexico carrying more than forty pounds over fifty miles through the backcountry, but apparently that memory had faded. In Yosemite, our packs weighed the same and the grueling results were no different.

The first day, our hike from Yosemite Valley to the top of Yosemite falls was seven miles long and rose nearly 3,000 vertical feet. Within the first ten minutes of hiking up from the valley floor, I knew this was going to be challenging for us. I was in excellent physical conditioning at the time but my father was recovering from surgery and was lagging behind. After about thirty minutes, to help my father, I would run ahead on the trail, set my pack down, and return down the hill to carry his pack up to where I had left my pack. I will never forget those exhausting hours I spent hauling our overfull packs up the trail. All was not hopeless; the immensity of the geological features were cruelly rewarding (I don't really like the sentence or the semicolon and think you should remove it in favor of something shorter like "There was an upside however." but maybe you can rework it or keep it or whatever.). The views from the trail were the most awe-inspiring moments of natural beauty I have ever experienced.

That first day in Yosemite was life changing for me in two ways. The first lesson I learned in Yosemite was do NOT bring that extra jacket[color=#FF0000](Don't use capital letters or an exclamation point. Rewrite the sentence until you think it conveys those emotions without either. You could simply say "The first lesson I learned in Yosemite was not to bring that extra jacket.")[/color]! Instead, plan ahead. Research what is necessary for backpacking safely and leave the non-essentials behind. Since this trip, I have become increasingly interested in the “art” of lightweight backpacking. Instead of using my six-pound, eighty-five liter pack, I have swapped it for a two pound, sixty-five liter pack. It is hard to justify bringing non-essentials when you don't have extra space. Instead of a ten pound, four-man tent, I have swapped it for a two pound, four-person shelter. There may not be a floor but it sure is lighter. It seems as if a new guiding principal is in place: less can be more. (Your last sentence has the right idea but needs reworking to make it an affirmative statement rather than something that 'seemed' to happen to you.)

Lightweight backpacking is not just about using lighter gear but also about limiting your supplies to only what is necessary. Mainstream consumerism runs in opposition to this principal. It seems more is necessary for happiness. Since the trip to Yosemite, I have found great pleasure in minimizing my wardrobe, energy use, apps on my phone, and extra “stuff” in return for a smaller environmental impact. Less stuff equals less time worrying about it and grants more time for more holistic endeavors (I'm not sure what you mean exactly by holistic. Authentic?).

The second lesson I learned that first day in Yosemite was that this planet is deserving of both preservation and our respect. It’s easy to glance over the importance of environmental conservation growing up in glacier flattened Indiana with a vision of nature as endless rows of cornfields. Before Yosemite,I had visited the Rocky Mountains and Grand Canyon but I had not been mature enough to appreciate what I experienced. That first day in Yosemite was different. After climbing out of the valley, I vowed not only to experience the pristine naturalbeauty of the natural world as often as possible but also to do everything in my power to share my appreciation with others. I decided pursing a career in Environmental Law would best match these passions with my skill setIssues of environmental law and protection pervade modern life, from local land use zoning to multinational oil drilling projects, and I aim to utilize a career in law to engage myself in these areas.. As an avid reader and lover of knowledge, it seems natural to advise others on environmentally sound legal decisions and help others negotiate enacted environmental policy. I realize that one person may not be able to change the world but small sacrifices by everyone can make a huge difference.


Pretty good overall. It doesn't have the epic or dramatic edge that is popular with PS but it does sound true. I would just shape up some of the sentences that I pointed out (my changes are just examples) and maybe square the last few sentences a little bit more to be more focused on legal education. I think that even if you didn't make any changes other than the spelling/grammatical errors and had ok numbers, this essay would probably be fine for the school rank you're aiming at.

Though I gotta say, unless your numbers just turned out really poorly, I don't know why you'd aim so low in terms of school - your writing is good enough to make me think you're probably intelligent enough to aim higher. I guess you probably have your reasons though.

Best of luck.
Last edited by whats an updog on Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

woherren
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 4:01 pm

Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby woherren » Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:01 pm

Thanks for the feedback. I really appreciate it. My GPA is really low but I have a high LSAT score. I wasn't really focused in college and my GPA reflects my lack of focus. Hopefully the schools I apply to can look past that with an addendum and references. I have two other statements; one statement is pretty esoteric and the other is more standard in its climax and resolution. I also majored in English so that helps my writing a bit. Like I said though, it's a rough draft and I wanted some feedback on the content to see how it fares. Thanks for the editorial pointers as well.

whats an updog
Posts: 207
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 am

Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby whats an updog » Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:29 pm

Np. Just noticed another thing:

Anonymous User wrote:This is most readily reflected in my family's travel habits.

drs36
Posts: 116
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:39 pm

Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby drs36 » Wed Feb 18, 2015 6:34 pm

whats an updog wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:My Nana always told me “you can take off a jacket if you bring it, but you can’t put it on if you don’t have it”. This proverb has guided my FAMILY AND I not only in determining what to bring on an outing but has also served as a general guiding principle for us in day-to-day life. We acquire and use more than we need. This is most readily reflected in my families travel habits. Those who have seen the quantity of items we bring when we travel deservedly call us pack mules. Recently our family’s logic (practice?) was put to the test. Last summer, we spent three days and two nights backpacking in Yosemite National Park. The gravity of our packing style was imminent (Rephrase, move or strike this sentence). This was neither my nor my fathers first trip backpacking but for the rest of my family, (my younger sister, younger brother and mom) it was. You would think my father and I would have learned to pack light after a taxing week in New Mexico carrying more than forty pounds over fifty miles through the backcountry, but apparently that memory had faded. In Yosemite, our packs weighed the same and the grueling results were no different.

The first day, our hike from Yosemite Valley to the top of Yosemite falls was seven miles long and rose nearly 3,000 vertical feet. Within the first ten minutes of hiking up from the valley floor, I knew this was going to be challenging for us. I was in excellent physical conditioning at the time but my father was recovering from surgery and was lagging behind. After about thirty minutes, to help my father, I would run ahead on the trail, set my pack down, and return down the hill to carry his pack up to where I had left my pack. I will never forget those exhausting hours I spent hauling our overfull packs up the trail. All was not hopeless; the immensity of the geological features were cruelly rewarding (I don't really like the sentence or the semicolon and think you should remove it in favor of something shorter like "There was an upside however." but maybe you can rework it or keep it or whatever.). The views from the trail were the most awe-inspiring moments of natural beauty I have ever experienced.

That first day in Yosemite was life changing for me in two ways. The first lesson I learned in Yosemite was do NOT bring that extra jacket[color=#FF0000](Don't use capital letters or an exclamation point. Rewrite the sentence until you think it conveys those emotions without either. You could simply say "The first lesson I learned in Yosemite was not to bring that extra jacket.")[/color]! Instead, plan ahead. Research what is necessary for backpacking safely and leave the non-essentials behind. Since this trip, I have become increasingly interested in the “art” of lightweight backpacking. Instead of using my six-pound, eighty-five liter pack, I have swapped it for a two pound, sixty-five liter pack. It is hard to justify bringing non-essentials when you don't have extra space. Instead of a ten pound, four-man tent, I have swapped it for a two pound, four-person shelter. There may not be a floor but it sure is lighter. It seems as if a new guiding principal is in place: less can be more. (Your last sentence has the right idea but needs reworking to make it an affirmative statement rather than something that 'seemed' to happen to you.)

Lightweight backpacking is not just about using lighter gear but also about limiting your supplies to only what is necessary. Mainstream consumerism runs in opposition to this principal. It seems more is necessary for happiness. Since the trip to Yosemite, I have found great pleasure in minimizing my wardrobe, energy use, apps on my phone, and extra “stuff” in return for a smaller environmental impact. Less stuff equals less time worrying about it and grants more time for more holistic endeavors (I'm not sure what you mean exactly by holistic. Authentic?).

The second lesson I learned that first day in Yosemite was that this planet is deserving of both preservation and our respect. It’s easy to glance over the importance of environmental conservation growing up in glacier flattened Indiana with a vision of nature as endless rows of cornfields. Before Yosemite,I had visited the Rocky Mountains and Grand Canyon but I had not been mature enough to appreciate what I experienced. That first day in Yosemite was different. After climbing out of the valley, I vowed not only to experience the pristine naturalbeauty of the natural world as often as possible but also to do everything in my power to share my appreciation with others. I decided pursing a career in Environmental Law would best match these passions with my skill setIssues of environmental law and protection pervade modern life, from local land use zoning to multinational oil drilling projects, and I aim to utilize a career in law to engage myself in these areas.. As an avid reader and lover of knowledge, it seems natural to advise others on environmentally sound legal decisions and help others negotiate enacted environmental policy. I realize that one person may not be able to change the world but small sacrifices by everyone can make a huge difference.


Pretty good overall. It doesn't have the epic or dramatic edge that is popular with PS but it does sound true. I would just shape up some of the sentences that I pointed out (my changes are just examples) and maybe square the last few sentences a little bit more to be more focused on legal education. I think that even if you didn't make any changes other than the spelling/grammatical errors and had ok numbers, this essay would probably be fine for the school rank you're aiming at.

Though I gotta say, unless your numbers just turned out really poorly, I don't know why you'd aim so low in terms of school - your writing is good enough to make me think you're probably intelligent enough to aim higher. I guess you probably have your reasons though.

Best of luck.


It's "my family and me," as in the original. I'd phrase it "me and my family," though. The test is to take out the other party and see if sentence flows. "This proverb has guided I not only..." doesn't work.

whats an updog
Posts: 207
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Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby whats an updog » Thu Feb 19, 2015 3:15 pm

haha damn, well i guess that's why more eyes are always good

Anonymous User
Posts: 273139
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Feb 28, 2015 10:01 am

Thanks for all the pointers. What do you guys think about this draft?

My Nana always told me “you can take off a jacket if you bring it, but you can’t put it on if you don’t have it”. This proverb has guided me and my family not only in determining what to bring on an outing but has also served as a general guiding principle for us in day-to-day life. We acquire and use more than we need. This is most readily reflected in my family’s travel habits. Those who have seen the quantity of items we bring when we travel deservedly call us pack mules. Recently our packing habits were put to the test. Last summer, we spent three days and two nights backpacking through Yosemite National Park. Everything we needed to survive plus all the extra gear we thought we needed to survive was carried on our backs for three days. Needless to say, our packs were heavy.

The first day of our trip included a hike from Yosemite Valley to the top of Yosemite Falls. The trail was seven miles long and rose nearly 3,000 vertical feet, the equivalent of a three hour Stairmaster workout with a forty pound backpack. Within the first ten minutes of hiking, I knew this was going to be challenging for us. I was in excellent physical condition at the time but my father was recovering from surgery and was lagging behind. After about thirty minutes, to help my father, I would run up ahead on the trail, leave my pack, and return down the trail to carry his pack up to where I had left mine. I will never forget those endlessly exhausting hours I spent hauling our heavily loaded packs up the trail. All was not hopeless; the immensity of the geological terrain was cruelly rewarding. The views from the trail were the most awe-inspiring moments of natural beauty I have ever experienced.

That first day in Yosemite was life changing for me in two ways. The first lesson I learned was to leave unnecessary items behind. Instead, plan ahead. Research what is necessary for backpacking safely and leave the non-essentials at home. Since this trip, I have become increasingly interested in the “art” of lightweight backpacking. Instead of using my six-pound, eighty-five liter pack, I now use a two pound, sixty-five liter pack. It is hard to justify bringing unnecessary luxuries with limited space. Instead of a ten pound, four-man tent, I now use a two pound, four-person shelter. There may not be a floor but it sure is lighter. Now I live by a new guiding principal: less is more.

Lightweight backpacking is not just about using lighter gear but also about limiting your supplies to only what is necessary. This practice has pervaded not only my choice in camping gear, but also my day-to-day-life. Mainstream consumerism runs in opposition to this principal. It seems more is necessary for happiness, but since the trip to Yosemite, I have found great pleasure in minimizing my wardrobe, energy use, apps on my phone, and extra “stuff” in return for a smaller environmental impact. Less stuff results in fewer things to worry about, helps clear up space physically and mentally and reduces your carbon footprint.

The second lesson I learned in Yosemite was that this planet is deserving of both preservation and our respect. It’s easy to glance over the importance of environmental conservation growing up in glacier flattened Indiana, with a vision of nature as endless rows of cornfields. Since climbing out of that valley though, my perception of nature has changed. I vow not only to experience the pristine natural world as often as possible but also to do everything in my power to share my respect with others. From vast water cut canyons, to the palpable silence of the forest, untouched nature is more than just a resource; it’s a place where modern conveniences are put into perspective. Natural experiences give us the opportunity to reflect on what is truly necessary for living. In a world where “more is better,” extravagant luxuries are quickly fronted in the backcountry.

As we become increasingly aware of the problems related to the “more is better” philosophy, our interactions with nature have catapulted to the forefront of legal policy. From zoning local land to multinational oil drilling projects, how best to use our resources is a prominent concern. I, as a passionate outdoorsman, aim to utilize a career in environmental law to engage myself in these policy discussions. As an avid reader and lover of knowledge, it seems natural to use my passions to help advise others on environmentally sound legal decisions and to help others negotiate enacted environmental policy. I realize that one person may not be able to change the world but small sacrifices by everyone can make a huge difference.

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby kublaikahn » Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:34 pm

This could be better written. Let me give you some examples.

In your first sentence, the period is in the wrong place. There should be no grammatical errors in your PS.
My Nana always told me “you can take off a jacket if you bring it, but you can’t put it on if you don’t have it”.


In your second sentence, you have a misplaced modifier. You also do not need to mention your family. It is a personal statement, not a family statement. Remove unhelpful modifiers like "general" and overly informal phrases like"day-to-day."
This proverb not only has guided me and my family not only in determining what to bring on an outing but has also served as a general guiding principle for us in day-to-day in my daily life.


The statement below is not what the proverb means, but you know that. Your writing should be more explicit. You should say something to the effect, "the wisdom and desire to be prepared often creates a countervailing burden to carry and consume more than we need."
We acquire and use more than we need.


Always be clear, even when purposefully using the passive voice (it works in this sentence.) This sentence is more clear by using axiom instead of simply using a pronoun.
This axiom is most readily reflected in my family’s travel habits.


This is the start of a new paragraph, is it not? But is last summer recent? My real concern is that we have yet to get to your thesis. In fact you never really tell us your point. Hint: it is something like "the wisdom and desire to be prepared often creates a countervailing burden to carry and consume more than we need."
Recently our packing habits were put to the test. Last summer, we spent three days and two nights backpacking through Yosemite National Park.

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checkers
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Re: Personal Statement specific for enviromental law

Postby checkers » Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:32 pm

Make sure you use "principle" and "principal" correctly and consistently.




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