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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273110
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

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Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:06 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Feb 04, 2015 4:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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4LTsPointingNorth
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 9:17 am

Re: Critique please

Postby 4LTsPointingNorth » Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:37 pm

I don't think this statement, as it is now, does anything to help you. It may in fact hurt you at the T14s that actually care about such things.

It reads a bit like an unfocused resume trace that does much to highlight your past shortcomings without offering much evidence beyond direct exposition that you've overcome those shortcomings. Put another way, the evidence that you do offer is a lot more tell than show.

In addition to polishing the grammar, you can improve this PS by structuring it around something other (read: more focused) than your chronological growth across three jobs and your community college and undergrad education. There's much to be said of the road you've taken and the lessons you've learned, and after reading this essay I'm left feeling that you have communicated very little of it to me in a meaningful way.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273110
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Critique please

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 30, 2015 7:46 pm

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