Personal Statement Draft

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Anonymous User
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Personal Statement Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 14, 2015 12:43 am

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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bretby
Posts: 312
Joined: Thu Oct 30, 2014 5:15 pm

Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby bretby » Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:24 pm

I think this has a lot of potential. You already know it's too long, and there are plenty of places to cut/condense (social work narrative, esp last 4 or so paragraphs). In addition:
1. Ministry experience - super interesting, but the chronological jump back was a bit confusing. Did you work there before you worked at the bank? Why'd you leave? Or was it a volunteer position that you held in addition to your job? 10 years at the church is a long time, shows real commitment, and I'm sure was very enriching.
2. I'd cut the detuals about your work at School if Socisl Work and try to incorporate something from your ministry experience - more personal, more meaningful.
3. What is the overarching theme? Seems like it could be: I've always been a committed public servant - church, social work, etc., and I have come to see that PI is where I could make the best contribution to my community.
Overall, though, I really liked the message and found it interesting,

maize315
Posts: 28
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:28 pm

Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby maize315 » Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:34 pm

Thanks for the feedback.

It has been difficult to condense. I am suffering like many who try to tell the whole story.

Nonetheless, the ministry is something I did before, during, and after school. In fact, I still travel occasionally and speak. The only reason I left was to attend undergraduate and graduate school. While I did receive some compensation, for the most part, I performed duties on a volunteer basis.

Finally, you pretty much nailed the overarching theme. Basically, I have been on the front-lines of social justice in my local community and have come to the realization that there is only so much you can do on a local level. I am looking to bring about change on a national level, hopefully, through impact litigation.

Anonymous User
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Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:38 pm

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